Saturday, 30 July 2011

big things to buy - update

immediate priorities list ~
- soundwave revolution ticket ($160)
- new blonde clip in extensions ($110)
- GHD hair straightener ($300)
-  a good, high resolution camera ($800ish?)

not so immediate because these things will take me forever to save for.
this week coming up i will try and save around $20 of my pay, i hope i can save a bit. then not this week coming up but the one after, (that payday will be the 11th of August) i will save $50 towards my revolution ticket. that will mean i have $70 or more saved up for it. then for the next two weeks i will put away $50 so i should have enough for my revolution ticket by the 25th of August. i fucking better, that's only a month before it's actually on. i fucking hope they don't sell out of tickets.

then it will only take me two weeks after that to have enough for my extensions. so i hope to have bought (ordered) them by the 8th of September. and i bloody hope they come very soon after i order them because i will probably be blonde by then and will need extensions lol. i cannot stand my hair short.
i will just dye the top half/most of my real hair blonde and keep the bottom of my hair dark while i still have dark extensions. then once i get my blonde extensions i'll get the bottom parts of my hair blonde.
i might even have to ask mum if she could lend me some money for these extensions, because i really need them asap.

then it will take me around another 6 weeks or so for my GHD, i'm not too fussed about that because my current hair straightener is fine apart from the fact it damages my hair.

i will then begin saving for my camera. it will take fucking ages, but it will be quite late in the year by the time i have bought all the other things on this list and i can ask mum to put a few hundred in for christmas. and i can put some of the money i get from my family for christmas towards it.



ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, how i'd love to be earning more. -___-

priorities and finances for the next week.

oh my god, once my boyfriends birthday is over, (it's on the 4th of August) i can begin to save again.
this week i did not earn much because i only worked one shift, so i couldn't really save anything.
i put away $15 for my phone bill but ended up spending $10 of that, so next week i'll have to put away $25 for it.

i also paid for my gym contribution, and spent $15 on art stuff for my drawings, so that's understandable for where all my money went this week.
i had about $20 left in my account after i paid all my bills and bought my art stuff but i had to put $5 on my go card because i went to brisbane on friday night. then i bought some food and other crap, so now i only have $7 left in my account.
luckily though i have nothing that i will be doing throughout the week, so it's not really a hassle that i have no money.

then when i get paid on thursday night, i have  to pay some bills.
$25 goes to my phone bill, then that's $75 left.
$6 for gym, that's $69 left.
i saw a beautiful dress today reduced from around $160 to $30 because it had a tiny lipstick stain on it, if it is still there by friday i will buy it.
then i would have $39 left.
i will probably end up buying beer or weed for the weekend and after that i will put whatever i have left into savings.
i hope i don't spend too much excess money.

it's juleyin's birthday bbq on saturday as well, and you can drink if you want to but i'm not sure if i want to.
i might ask juleyin if he wants to just go halves with a 6 pack of beer, so we'll have a few drinks but i can't be drunk at a bbq with a lot of his family there. that would be humiliating.

i hope i can put away like $25-$30 into my savings.
the week after that i am going to save $50 minimum.

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

crazy thought

i was showering tonight and a really weird scenario popped into my head.
i was thinking if i moved away, somewhere where i would never see anyone i knew again.
i was thinking that right before i left, i would fuck everyone i have ever wanted to, i would take so many drugs and i would be a complete and utter slut and ruin relationships just because i could.
then i would leave and start over and no one would know any different.


i have no idea where that came from. it's the best thing, to just fantasize about things you'd like to do but will probably never happen and in reality they wouldn't really work out.
i like to play things out in my head, then just imagine them.
the world inside my head is much better than this one, but i'm afraid sometimes i have difficulty distinguishing the two.

Monday, 25 July 2011

dream diary

omg so good.

ok for shits and giggles, ie no reason at all, i decided to hop on a plane to america.
the plane landed and i was in the airport in LA. next to the airport was a train station, and i was about to get on a train and go to another city but then i saw my friend blake.
he was with some friends, as he had been in america for a few weeks longer than me and they were all pretty cool. they were all male.
i told him i was thinking about going to another city and he was all "hell no, LA is where the party scene is at" but without that black tone of voice. i told him that i would stay in LA with him and that we should go out that night.
then i asked where they were staying. then they said "what, you don't sleep here, you don't live here, you just stay up all night and keep walking around with your duffel bag."

fuck i wish i could just do that.

then we met up with some other guys who had two trashy looking girls with them. i didn't like the look of them but i was happy to have some female company (that's odd, i hate women). the men then somehow stripped me so all i was wearing was a t-shirt, and started throwing me around, catching me and then throwing me to the next person. it sounds violent and despicable but it wasn't, it was all in good fun, i was just worried about my bum bum showing. then one of the guys was just carrying me, it was kinda cute. then he stroked my head and said "hey, you have real hair!" it wasn't till then that i realised i was blonde in this dream, with permanent hair extensions. they looked really good and even though you could tell my hair was dead my hair looked awesome. i can't wait to look like a barbie again.
so anyway, then i got changed into a mini, tight cheetah print dress and black heels. i looked so stereotypical slut and i don't care i looked hot. i also had lovely, smokey dark eye makeup on and omg. i would fuck me. i was also a lot skinnier than i am, and WHY CAN'T I LOOK LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE? we got to a club, and it was like a private room in the back of it, almost like an apartment. there were cute black leather couches and rest rooms and a beaded doorway that headed back out to the club.
we sat around drinking fancy, fruity drinks, and i can't remember too much except that at one stage i fell over one of the couches backwards and ended up upside down. woopsies,  i'm being mighty slutty in this dream.
then i hopped back on a plane back to australia to work one shift. (?!?!?!?!) afterwards i came home to wash my clothes and dye my regrowth before going back to america.
mum came into the bathroom while i was dying my hair and was like "oh hi sweetie! what are you doing home? how was your friends place?" and i was like "lol wtf i was overseas."
then after doing everything i needed to do i went back to the states and stayed there party-hopping for about a week.

when i am older i am going to do this for like a month i swear.

never, ever happy

and i'm sick to death of it. it's mostly when i'm at home.
not that being at home is bad, i love it and i barely even go out anymore, it's just being alone i think.
but at the same time, i mostly like to be on my own because people always hate me and they suck.

lately i've been hanging out with some really lovely people though. by lovely i mean cunts that are particularly funny and do fun things, things that i like to do, instead of boring shit that everyone else i know does.
i'm not making any sense, i never know what i'm talking about and i hate myself.

the other night my boyfriend also basically told me he's losing feelings for me. he says it's hard to love someone who's always snappy and always angry.
i try so hard. he doesn't see it and i feel horrible that i even have to try, but my mind is just so set in stone.

i get it from my father, and i hate that because i do not get along with my dad at ALL.
i'm so stubborn, and i have OCD with certain things and i will yell at anyone if they mess those things up. for instance, doing the dishes or really anything that involves the kitchen. man i sound like a stereotypical woman.
but seriously, it's so bad and it's what sparks most of the fights between my boyfriend and i when he's at my house.
i hate when people cook things at my house and don't clean up, or don't clean up the right way. or when they leave the toaster on, or the microwave on. things like that. hate hate hate.

i'm also just incredibly snappy because i'm always on edge. apart from my diagnosed anxiety i also have horrible self esteem and always think everything is directed at me.
then if i'm upset, which is pretty much always, i'm just generally rude and overly sarcastic to my boyfriend.
i hate that about myself, well i hate almost everything about myself, but i just wish i was a kind, decent person.

this rant has made no sense at all.

Saturday, 23 July 2011

i am no slut

and i'm fucking sick of people thinking i am.

i'm an open person, so i can talk about sex to people.
the majority of my friends are guys because most girls i try to be friends with always end up being bitchy and disown me, or they'll be particularly boring and won't want to things i like to do.
because in my spare time the main things i do is drink or smoke up with friends (most of those friends being guys) then i'm automatically labelled a slut.
and i'm comfortable in my own skin, so i can be naked around people, like getting changed in front of people or playing strip poker at parties.

i hate that people, mainly girls, think of me as someone with no self respect. i wish i could be one of those people who say they "don't care what other people think" but i fucking well do, but by the same token i will not change myself to please other people.
it makes me so upset. i hate people, i just want to be able to be myself without being judged and labelled.

Friday, 22 July 2011

purchases for today.

+ one polo shirt
+ one birthday present
+ one "FUCK OFF" stamp
+ a lot of food
+ one tube of repairing toner



Wednesday, 20 July 2011

so fucking sick

fucking fuck fuck.
and fuck my boyfriend for making me sick.
and fuck him because he's sexy and a good fuck.
fuckedy fuck fuck.


Monday, 18 July 2011

new holes

i'm incredibly keen.
so it turns out that i didn't get my reverse navel done after all, it's actually a surface piercing (goes in and exits on flat skin).
it hurt a little more than i expected, but that's understandable. it went through a lot of flesh and the gauge was thicker.
there's a few downsides to this sort of piercing though. it takes a lot longer to heal (16 weeks instead of 4-8 with a normal belly piercing) and it has the chance of growing out. but my piercer says that if you get it done professionally, and take good care of it, it shouldn't grow out and that she's never had any problems with any of hers. this makes me feel a lot better.

i'm actually dead-set in love with it though.
i feel more comfortable showing my tummy already and the piercing draws attention away from my flabby stomach.

just after getting it pierced, it's all red haha.

in the chair looking fucking munted.

after getting back to juleyin's after a party. yes this is what i wear to parties.

take note of my bloody elbows... :c

Wednesday, 13 July 2011

hair - plans


serious. i'm doing it. i'm going to have to order some blonde extensions though, my ones could nooo way stand that much bleaching.
i'll keep doing what i've been doing with my actual hair, i'll keep putting in more foils slowly.
i currently have most of the underlayers of my right side blonde, but some of the foils are orangey and really damaged so i'll have to tone them tonnes instead of bleaching, i want to keep them away from bleach for a while. then my aunty who used to be a hair dresser said she wanted to put some caramel/blondey foils all over my head. that will make my life so much easier.

then when i've got the majority of my hair blonde i'll order my extensions. i'll probably stay home for the few days it takes me to get the rest of my hair blonde lol, don't want to go out being all ranga, and then i'll have beautiful long, blonde hair c;
i also really, really am dead set on getting permanent extensions. i know i can get an absolute fantastic full head for $350, but i'm not sure when i want to get them.

i've heard they rip out your hair a fair bit, and i can imagine them making it quite hard to do my regrowth and i'd have to get someone to do it for me.. so i'm going to get really long blonde clip-ins and have them for a few months until they get ratty and can't be worn anymore and if my hair is healthier and i'm still set on permanent extensions then i'll get them then.


this friday.

mum couldn't get down to skintastic for my appointment any sooner than friday, so i'm now getting my reverse navel piercing on friday at 2:30.
that's $30 gone of my around $157-ish pay for this week.
i want to try and save as much as i can.

so then i'm left with $127.
$12 goes to mum for the gym, then i'm left with $115.
$25 for my phone bill, left with $90.
$20-ish for pouch, left with $70.

then i want to put away $50 for savings and i'm left with $20 to do what i want with.
i'll probably spend it on drinks :/
that would be a good thing, money well spent, but i just hate that i spend all my money on payday then i'm broke for the rest of the week.

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

my room/rearrangement of my furniture

i have too much fucking shit in my room.
i have too much shit in general.

i'm the biggest horder,  which basically means i keep all of my irrelevant, useless and old shit.
i plan on trying to get rid of some of this shit by the end of the holidays.

i need to really, and i mean really go through my shit and throw out what i no longer have use for.
well i won't be throwing anything out, but giving it to the salvation army etc. another reason why i need to get rid of all my stuff is that i have no use for it, people out there do, people with little to no money.

clothes aren't so much a priority. the main things i need to get rid of are the old plastic drawers i have. they mainly hold all my old makeup and jewellery etc and i never use or wear any of it, it just takes up space and annoys me.
and juleyin needs a set of plastic drawers to hold all his files and schoolwork so i'm going to give him mine if i can sort through all of it.
i also need to clean out my wardrobe, mainly down the bottom with all my shoes and in the other side, where i have useless, irrelevant shit like fairy costumes and dance clothing that i used when i was about five years old.
and my underwear/sock drawers. don't even get me started on those.

as far as my room goes, i really need to start saving for some new/better furniture.
if i can get rid of these plastic drawers then i can try and re-arrange my furniture in my room, (my wardrobe, drawers, bookshelf and desk) and maybe have more room.

then i want to get a nice dresser, like one of those things with a mirror on top and a few drawers underneath? like a dressing table, ugh i don't know if i even make sense.
but then i can get rid of my bookshelf and my wall mirror and i'd have a bit more room so then i can afford to put a double bed in my room. i need a double bed, the fact that my boyfriend sleeps on my bedroom floor when he stays over is just ridiculous.


so many purchases, so little time.

Friday, 8 July 2011

plans for the next week

pretty boring plans, hope i can find some time to go drinking with some cool people. doubt it.
haven't been to a single good party all holidays.

saturday (tomorrow) - i'm working from 9am till 4:30pm and then i'll be going home, playing with my new phone and packing.
saturday night - party at april's, i'm partying with my brother tomorrow night and i think it will be cool lol, i want to see him drunk.

sunday - working from 10am till 3:30pm. then nothing that night, i really want to drink with some of my friends. i'll ask juleyin if he wants to because i think he has sunday night and monday off.

monday - appointment at the optometrist, then i have to get a head x-ray which i'm sort of freaked out about, and then i have to go book my appointment at the piercers. then i might go to the gym, i haven't been in weeks ;/

tuesday - sleep in i suppose, go into town and hang around with juleyin if he's not working, then at 5-5:30 i'm getting my reverse navel done.

wednesday - adam (my brother) is having another surgery. i have to stay home to take care of him when he comes home from surgery around lunch time.

thursday - sleep in then work at 3pm till 8pm.

friday - might go to the city if i can get someone to come with me. if not, gym.
friday night - nothing, someone make plans with me.

things i bought today

once again, i spent about $70 on payday and now i'm left with minimal amounts for the rest of the week.
but i'm not too bothered. i bought a lot of things that i wanted and needed and i won't be doing toooooo much for the rest of the week.

it's looking like i won't be going away these holidays, that's a real shame. i need to get away and i miss brisbane, but the thing is that it's not very exciting now that everyone's over "the scene". i don't have any friends that hang in the city anymore because now we're not all stupid smoking teenagers with bright hair, and when there's no people to hang with the city is actually rather dull. i think i'd rather go stay at someone's house that i really like, and i just wish that were far away from here.
ok that makes no sense. in the simplest way put, i want to get away and have cool people to hang out with and go shopping with.

it's so sad because the coolest people i know are from twitter and blogging, and i have literally no close girl friends, or /any/ friends for that matter around where i live.
there's people at school like sophie and jaz and shawna, but jaz and shawna have this way of making me feel inferior and i think sophie hates me. but that doesn't really matter because i don't like most people.

i like people who party for a living and do stupid things and smoke weed and will go skinny-dipping with me.
that's how i met most of my friends, but now everyone is over all of that and we're left with nothing to do.

now we don't party all the time, we don't hang around shopping centres and smoke weed in parks and dye our hair while drunk and all of that shit - and i'm glad, but i miss having a fun lifestyle and i miss having things to do all the time.
i just have nothing exciting to do anymore. legitimately.

i think that's a clear indication that i should move on to hard drugs because alcohol and weed just don't cut it anymore.




wow so off topic.

ok today i bought:

- two different leave-in treatments. i've been curling my hair lately and i hate how they go all frizzy by the end of the day so i got something i can put through it to keep it healthier and calm. one is a really good one that i can't use too often because it's really oily and the other is basically like a conditioner spray so i can even use that for when my extensions get knotty and i have to detangle them.

-  two movies. i was at blockbuster and they had those ex-rental movies for $7 so i bought Case 39, a horror movie i got out with mum one time and i also got Saw II.

- stickers and rhinestones. the stickers are self-explanatory and i bought rhinestones because today i also signed a contract to get my new phone, but i didn't get the actual phone because their system crashed this afternoon. i'll be getting it first thing tomorrow morning when i start work, the lady is so nice and apologised for the system crashing and told me she'd bring my phone to me at work. how crazy is that! oh and the rhinestones are to decorate my phone, like a boss.

- a 990ml bottle of peroxide and a 500gm sachet of blonding powder. i now have a huge supply of bleach so i can keep doing my foils. i'm pretty keen, i'll be re-doing my current ones and adding some more on tuesday probably.

- a new septum ring.


i think that's about it.
here's a photo of all my shit.


I am filled with rage. And hurt.
You festering cunt, the knife was blunt,
So you stuck it slower into my side.
You know nothing of the anguish I’ve endured by the stem of your greed.
Once a whore, always a whore. Your malice has no end.
I long for your demise to my very core,

I’ll express no lament for you, dear friend.

holyyyyyy fucking shit

just found this tumblr post i did when i was in hospital at the start of the year. this shit's crazy man.
i don't use tumblr anymore and haven't for months so this was like on one of the first pages.

"So here I am, in the hospital I was born in.

It’s really quite bizarre, I’ve never been in hospital except for the time I dislocated and broke my wrist.
So basically, I have a haggard bout of pneumonia, a chest infection and an ear infection. I was admitted yesterday afternoon, with no warning. I was at the doctors and they sent me straight here! Had to go buy pajamas from target across the street. Last night was pretty rough. I got a really bad temperature, and had to be put on the nebulizer twice because I couldn’t breathe. Juleyin surprised me and came to see me when he heard though, which was amazing. I honestly love that boy to death. He was here again tonight, came up with my mother and brother. The nurse was checking my heart rate and asked him if he could help me get it a little higher ;) Haha! We had maddddd cuddles in my hospital bed and played with all the toys because I’m in the children’s ward. OH, forgot to mention - I’m the only one in the entire ward! Apparently kids don’t get sick anymore. So I’m left to play with all the toys on my own. So fucking keen. The etch n sketch is my favourite so far. Drew Juleyin tonight c;
But medically, I’m still, well, shit. I’ve had like fucking four litres of saline in my IV which makes me need to pee 24/7, plus tonnes of antibiotics - both orally and through my IV. And I have an oxygen tube on because I can’t breathe. My right lung is shot all to hell, and it doesn’t take a doctor to know why. This whole experience has made me think about my lifestyle and the choices I make.

What have I done to myself?"

got me thinking.

i haven't made any changes. lol.
i quit smoking for a week or two after i got out of hospital cause it could like, potentially kill me if i did lol, but then i started up again.

i might quit again soon if i can.
but i'm lazy and a stressed person, i probably won't.

Thursday, 7 July 2011

my appearance

hate it, hate it, hate it.

i know that's everyone's job but seriously, i hate that i hate it.
i understand that i'm pretty, i'm not one of those girls who call myself ugly when i'm clearly not, there's just a lot of things i'd like to change.

first things first, my hair.
i am fucking hating it at the moment, everyone says i look way better with dark hair but i think i look weird and mainly just boring.
like here's a photo of me with dark hair;

and here are some photos with me wearing a blonde wig;

like seriously, i think i look so fucking boring with dark hair.
i am going to go blonde and get permanent hair extensions.

i am also going to get more facial piercings.
unfortunately this probably won't be happening until my birthday in february, my mum hates piercings and i won't be legally allowed to get them on my own till february (my sixteenth birthday).


what else can i complain about?
i have no style. the end.

Tuesday, 5 July 2011

i only ever hang out with guys


i would love to have some girl friends, spend some time doing things i want to do, but i don't get along with any girls and whenever i do it always turns into a bitch fight sooner or later and that absolutely sucks.
the thing that i hate about only having male friends, is that i can't do anything with them if juleyin isn't there.
so if he's working or something, i have nothing to do. story of my life.
also, i can never do anything with them at night because juleyin works most nights and if i went out with them it might be a little weird. i'm always the only girl.

today, for instance;
it was me, josh, brodie, juleyin, blake and aaron.
we were like, doing burn-outs in aaron's car, cranking aussie hip-hop and squishing 6 people into his car all day.
i was the only girl, and everyone is really comfortable with me which i love, so we're not afraid to like jokingly hold hands or hug or anything, so to an outsider i must really look like some sort of genre-whore.
some of the guys i hang out with look emo, some of them look gangsta, some look indie and others look either normal or really weird.

i don't know but, i just want someone to have close to me.
for a while i forgot about my desperate need for a best friend, but it's come back now.
i don't mind whether it's a guy or a girl.


ok you're really starting to annoy me now.

fuck, thought we could get along for once but i'm doubting it.
stop complaining, stop asking for sympathy and go do something with your life.

first impressions

i am honestly the worst at them. swear to god.

today made me realise that. i met this guy for the first time today.
i was like "hey, i'm daisy" and he was like "you're daisy wong. everyone knows you, how could you think i don't know you? i know everything about you."
i was half creeped out half flattered.
anyway, i realised throughout the day i talk about sex quite a bit, every five seconds i light up another smoke and i'm really big on public displays of affection. also, all the people i hang out with are dudes so i must seem like a blokey-slut.

does that make sense?

i also laugh at everything, making me seem stupid (i'm actually very intelligent but i'm just socially slow and awkward), and i tend to do silly things and constantly sound out of it.
not to mention the way i stare off all the time and my abnormally-squeaky voice which i'm sure must annoy the people who don't know me well.

long story short, i shouldn't meet new people.
and then when i meet new people when i'm drunk it's like all of that on steroids.

cute, trippy selfiesz~


Monday, 4 July 2011

self-esteem, body image and sexual appetite.

as you're undoubtedly aware, i have some self-esteem issues. as does every woman these days. thing is, i never used to. then bam! i want to kill myself every time i look in the mirror.

though, remarkably, lately these have been resolving themselves.

over the past few months i've been feeling so shit and trying my absolute hardest to lose weight. as a result of my horrible self-esteem, i could never get into the mood because i could never feel sexy whilst naked so my libido virtually shrivelled up. i still had sex, but i never really enjoyed it.

then, last week or so, all these feelings i had just disappeared! now i eat whatever i want to and i don't feel bad, plus my sex drive is back and my relationship with my boyfriend is going a lot better as a result. i've gained 2 kilos since this has happened, which makes me sad, but i'm not too bothered. i just need to keep going to the gym and eating healthy when possible, and i'll become fit and not jiggly. that's enough for me to feel good about myself.

brisbane and the holidays.

very happy and excited that the holidays are here!
the last week or so of school was very stressful, what with the assignment i had due ~ but i got it done and it's seriously the best feeling in the world. i basically have no work to do over the holidays and i couldn't be happier!

because of this, and the fact i only work thrusdays and sundays, i absolutely want to get away for a few days.
i had planned to go this week but of course i got my period, so i'd rather go next week. i have no idea where we'd stay though..
i think it'd just be juleyin and i, i asked him to see if we could stay at his cousin zane's house, but he's not sure if there's any room there. iunno, i'd just love to spend a night or two out of tweed. i really need it.

other priorities for the holidays are:
- my piercings.
ok i'm so pissed off on this topic. when school went back last term i came to mum with tonnes of good results and said i wanted a piercing because i clearly deserved it. my grandparents were trying to find a new house at the time and she said when everything has settled down. i later revisited the idea, and she said we'll wait till my half yearly exam results come back. then when they did, (and i got really good results) she said in the holidays.
i'm freaking sick and tired of it. i tried to bring it up last night and she ate me alive. i was devastated and got so upset.
i honestly don't understand my mother when it comes to me getting piercings. she let me get my septum and my tragus done about a year ago, but now she won't let me get any more when i just wanted some piercings in my belly, as opposed to the "bull ring" she let me get through my nose
i don't know. i don't think it makes sense.

i know a lot of people think i must be stupid, needing my mother's approval for piercings, but i like to respect her wishes when i can and she's really particular with things like this. but when i turn sixteen in february next year i'll be doing whatever i want as far as piercings and stretchers go, so merh.
i just don't want to wait till then to get piercings that aren't even that bad.
there's a "2 for $50" piercing special going on at the moment and i really want to get my reverse navel and my tongue done, but i don't see mum letting me. this makes me incredibly sad - i hate that i only have seven piercings now. i've taken a few out now...

- another thing i have to get done these holidays is my room. i plan on going through my plastic draws and my bookshelf, and throwing out all my old crap that i have. it's going to be hard, and it's going to take forever.

i want it to be next year, stat.

Sunday, 3 July 2011

pretty much in pieces.

i understand that my mum is really stressed right now, but for fuck's sake could she not take my feelings into account for once?
all i did was ask her a simple question and she was all up at my throat telling me to "do whatever the fuck i want".
i'm over it, i'm over it!
i'm so sad, my mum literally means everything to me but it's always a one-way relationship. i give in to everything that she asks for as far as piercings, school, tutoring etc, and as soon as i say something back she goes ape shit and i never get more upset than what i do when my mother and i fight. it's terrible.

this is just a pointless post about how depressed i am, and how much tomorrow is going to suck.
juleyin is here as well but i'm too upset to even talk to him so he can't help much.

i'm going to go eat dinner and become a mute.

gypsy - my beautiful baby girl

gypsy is my aunty, or my grandparent's puppy. but she's such a huge part of our family, and she's convinced she's a human being and she's convinced us as well.
i seriously love her more than anything.

anyway, nanna and poppy are moving tomorrow so gypsy's here tonight ^-^~~!!!
i am so happy, but she's really sad because she misses her mum and dad.

i'll just have to keep cuddling her.

friday and friday night.

was pretty freakin' good.
didn't do all that much, but i really like simplistic things. i like shopping in the day, drinks at  night without too many dramas and then going home and sleeping in my own bed.
that's exactly what i did on friday and friday night.

ok so on friday i was meant to go to Pacific Fair with juleyin and some of our other friends. brodie couldn't come because he just got approved to move into a new house and had to sort out stuff to do with that, blake got called into work and we couldn't get a hold of ash so he didn't come.
i got dropped off at juleyin's around 11am and the car was gone and we had no idea when it would be back, so we had to catch a bus up. my hatred for public transport has increased even more. there was this white trash fuckwit couple who were screaming and swearing really loud, and they were trying to sell weed to everyone on the bus, including me and juleyin. they got off at Palm Beach, no surprise there. there was also some bogan ass lady whining on her phone crazy loud, having a sook about how she doesn't have a sook.
i can't wait until juleyin gets his car.

so we got to pac fair, and for the first part i didn't know what to buy. i looked everywhere for nice things but i didn't find much. for lunch i got a kebab, and then later i bought a "storm" ice cream from Hungry Jacks and a lemonade.
towards the end of the day i found some really lovely things, which made me so incredibly happy!
all day i had been searching for a pair of really nice high-waisted shorts. i didn't want to, but i was prepared to pay quite a bit for a nice pair. but even the most expensive ones i didn't even like.
but then at the end of the day i found the prettiest pair for $20! n_______n

i also found this cute beret for $10, i don't really need another one but i thought it would be cute and i could wear it with some of my red-ish outfits etc.  and for just if i don't feel like wearing a bandanna - seeing as i wear a different one every day.

speaking of which, i picked up two bandanna's, $5 each ^-^ i got a pink one and a green one.

then i went on a sticker-frenzy. OH. MY GOD.
stickers are the best thing in my life i swear to god, i love them more than life and they are making my journal so pretty. i'm putting stickers on like every page/entry now, just to make it prettier. i'm pretty devastated that i left my drama book at school over the holidays because  i need to do that book up as well, and i need to write down reflections etc. OH WELL. my drama teacher can bite me, i hate her.
the stickers that i bought were: a sheet of tiny ant stickers ~ which i thought was adorable,  a sheet of cutesy cartoon glitter birds, a sheet of glittery unicorns, a sheet of glittery hippos that say "hip hip hooray!", a sheet of the cutest moo cows ever, a sheet of hard, plastic glittery flowers and a sheet of normal flower stickers just like the hard plastic ones.

i also bought a big tub of foam puppy stickers for $2. there's millions i swear, and they're all different colours. they're foam cut-outs of different types of puppies, bones, and big things that say "WOOF".

the only other thing i bought was this environmental arm-band. it was $2 and it had silhouettes of naked women on it. and it was promoting recycling. of course i bought it.

i am bursting with joy due to my new stickers. i also have all the others i bought the other day.

i think that was all that i bought, i somehow ended up spending $70.
but i'm ok with that, i got plenty of nice stuff for myself and i am so happy as a result.

then after we came back from pac fair we went to juleyin's. it was raining so we got pretty wet, which sucked.
then andy picked me up and we drove out to billy's in cabarita. the car was full ~ black dylan was in the front and jazi, hannah and i were squished in the back. i'd never met hannah before but she was so cool, we became pretty good friends by the end of the night.
we finally got to billy's and for the first part of the night i was really depressed. i don't even know why. i had a few drinks but i was nowhere near drunk, and for the first hour or so that we were there i was just sitting on the couch, smoking or writing in my journal, lamely enough.
then andy kept making me drinks because he felt really bad that i was so upset, and he knows when i drink i just dance around haha. so then i got pretty drunk and i was dancing and it was all really lovely.
then hannah got really sick, and i had been sticking with her all night. she was really smashed and i kept her with me at all times so she didn't get with someone gross or do something stupid.
but yeah, i found her in the bathroom and she said she thought she was going to be sick. i got her over to the toilet and she threw up. she's such a good girl, she threw up tonnes and only missed the toilet once. but she even cleaned it up herself, i told her i'd do it for her.
then i called her mum and got her to come get her. then a few other people came around.
after about 10 o'clock juleyin arrived and said hi to everyone, then he took me and dylan home and juleyin stayed over at mine.
i was well sober by then so that was good, i got to brush my teeth and take my makeup off and get into my pajamas, instead of just passing out in my bed. juleyin also slept in my room, which is a rare thing for mum to let us do :)