casual gathering

on the weekend i attended a gathering at my friend's house. luckily he lives in the next street from me, so getting home etc wasn't really an issue. things got a little out of hand unfortunately, i drank far too much and broke my streak of no drugs. messy messy. none the less, i had a quite pleasant night and rather enjoyed myself.

i have decided not to drink for a while though, my liver already has permanent damage done to it and i have been drinking at least once a week even since i got out of hospital for liver problems. i really need to start taking care of myself. i have also recently discovered there are very few foods i can eat - lately i have felt awfully sick after eating/drinking dairy products and i feel so sick if i have carbohydrates or anything that tends to expand in your stomach (breads etc). i have stopped eating fast food/crap and i've been drinking a lot more water. feel so clean.

anyway, here's some photos from the party. :-)

i love meg! (Kind of Lovely)

free resorts and brisbane mates.

so last night juleyin and i went around to kirra, to a place called Wyndham Vacation Resort.
juleyin's cousin zane and two of his mates mikey and georgia were staying at this resort because mikey's dad gets it for free once a year or something. it was pretty nice, we were up on the ninth floor with a beautiful view of the beach, and there was a lovely sauna/spa/pool area.

when we got there we started drinking, and i was drinking elevates. i had never tried them before, and a four-pack was around $13 which is pretty cheap, and that got me smashed. i was so happy to get really drunk again, it's been a while.
zane was complaining that he had no weed so i told him i had some, and then he said he had no spin, and i said i had some. he like killed me with a massive hug. i only had one cone, i was pretty drunk anyway.

i ended up going for a walk to buy more cigarettes, and now i'm wishing that i didn't because that was money my cousin gave me for me to go get her weed. which means i have to pay another $20 when i get paid this week for weed. i also need to buy a bottle of vodka, and juleyin's christmas present. and ayla's. crap. i'm going to need a loan off my mother.

i felt kind of used by the time we left, everyone kept sucking up to me to steal my smokes.
after i got back from buying cigarettes i was just hanging with everyone else for a bit, then i had another drink and i was just fucked. i lied down on one of the beds and ended up throwing up, but someone had put a towel there for me so it only went on the towel. i was so glad i threw up, i ate way too much yesterday.

a few hours later i woke up, with no idea what had happened. it was around 3:30 am. juleyin was asleep in the lounge room on the floor, zane was on the couch and georgia was in the bed next to me. i got changed into my spare clothes, took my extensions out and tidied everything up and then tried to go back to sleep. didn't happen.
i then got dressed again and re-did my makeup and went out. i went for a massive walk around the whole of kirra/coolangatta, and watched the sun rise. when i first left i went to get a pie and it was really good, and about ten minutes later i wanted to puke.

when i got back to the apartment (i was so shocked i got the right floor and room number i nearly forgot), it was about 6am. juleyin was in my bed and didn't even seem to care that i had been gone. i got into bed with him and he kept asking me if i went to the toilet, lol. i wish he cared more if i was out on my own for three hours, like shit i freak out if he's gone 20 minutes.

i went back to sleep and got up a few hours later, with a huge hangover. that's usually a sign it was a good night. we went down and bought bacon and eggs for everyone but we were the only ones that had any. i had one egg, a tiny bit of bacon and some yoghurt with muesli. eating makes me feel so sick immediately after now, i don't know what it is - whether it's psychological or if something is actually wrong with me. hm.





before we left. i also got a blood test done yesterday so that's why there is a bandage on my arm.



georgia, she was really nice.



zane and me looking really fucking creepy



me "rocking mikey's hat"



juleyin and zane



this photo was actually an accident but i really like it for some bizarre reason. while i was out on my walk.

last friday night.

eheh, i'm funny.

brodie and i wanted to do something, so we were thinking about our friends that we usually hang with on a weekend and who we usually drink with. blake was in sydney seeing his girlfriend and aaron was at dinner with his father for father's day and his birthday. then brodie and i were like "uhhhhhhhhh, what other friends do we have?" it was pretty depressing to think.
brodie asked me to come into town anyway and that we would find something to do and people to hang with, so i got adam to take me to tweed mall. i would rather be bored with brodie and out somewhere than bored at home by myself. actually that's debatable, but i really wanted to go out. below is a few photos of what i wore.



a white lacy dress with my white stockings, leather jacket and vans of course. i never wear any other shoes.



my stockings and vans.

we walked around for a little bit and talked to liv while she was working. then juleyin came around to say hello, and so did luke. we chilled for a little bit and then liv finished work and juleyin went home because he had work in about half an hour. so it was just brodie, luke and me.
we were going to go to a hardcore gig but thought it would be boring and shitty so decided to get drunk before we went. brodie and i went halves in a case of beer, which means i spent $20 on beer for one night. i understand that isn't that much money but i feel bad for always spending money on alcohol. like seriously alcohol, cigarettes, occasional clothes and food - that is what i spend all of my money on. it sucks because it's not things that i can keep with me, they're disposable, they are ultimately useless in the long run but i spend all my money on them.

~lol rant about my lifestyle that i could change at any moment if i truly wanted to~

we carried the case back to juleyin's and had a few drinks there while he was at work. then juleyin's mum was going to be back soon and she doesn't like brodie so we left. we walked down to the gig, drinking on the way (oh my god i felt so scummy). we thought it was free entry because that's one of the band members told us, but when we got there we realised it was $10 entry and the band that was playing at the time sounded like absolute fucking shit, i basically wanted to kill myself. it turns out it wasn't even a hardcore gig either, so there was no way i was paying for that bullshit.

we decided to walk around until we thought of somewhere to go or something to do. this was a first for me and the people i usually hang out with, we always find something to do. we walked around back streets, drank more, smashed bottles, ran from security guards, all this random shit that got me feeling all weirded out because that's the kind of thing i used to do a long long time ago. we also decided to move a couch into the middle of the road.... seemed like a good idea at the time. loved the ranting old people when they tried to drive down that road. v a photo of me and said couch.



ahhhhhhhh, why am i so cool guys?

anyway, we decided to walk back to brodie's so we went back to juleyin's to pick up the case. as i was leaving juleyin's i got a phone call from the beautiful aaron. he was like "oi cunt, come get drunk at monique's" i was like "well i'm already drunk and with brodie and luke, if you've got room we are so fucking keen". he told us to walk to brodie's anyway and he'd meet us there. we finally got there, (and in my drunken state i thought i was fit and could run - big mistake) so i was so tired by the time i walked in the door i face planted on the floor. i looked up to see brodie's room mates and assorted other people doing drugs in his lounge room. then they wanted to smoke crack so they needed to make a pipe or something - next thing i know they were trying to cut a lightbulb in half with a knife? i was like "u niggas be trippin" and off we went.

we got to monique's, which was a beaaaaaaautiful big house in terranora. it was so pretty, i can't even.
long story short i drank more than i should of, and made the usual fool of myself with the vomiting and passing out and other assorted things like trying to give juleyin head at the dinner table, punching brodie and slapping juleyin etc....
i hate when i get like that, i never do when i'm drinking bourbon though, that's why i like to stick to it.

the next day we all helped clean up, then we drove back to my house and juleyin, brodie and luke hung out at luke's while i had a shower, tried to get over my hangover and get ready.
then we all went out shopping. (me, juleyin, aaron, amy and brodie).

i bought two baggy t-shirts that i think are lovely, two pairs of leggings (because i really needed some) and i found the most beautiful pair of doc martens ever!



i want them so bad, more than anything in life, omg, they're $250 i will save up and get them or ask for them for christmas! also i tried on a pair of normal black docs and they look pretty damn amazing on me, they're $230 i might save for them too.

/cease pointless blog post/

first day of spring

three months of spring or six months of summer?
i am keen for either.

ugh, today has been shit but also wonderful.
the sun was shining and it was lovely and warm outside, i slept in till about 9 o'clock, i bought lots of lovely things and got a good lovin' from my boyfee.

last night juleyin and i went out to our favourite restaurant - the one we went to on our one year anniversary. it's in surfer's paradise and overlooks the main street and it is the best food i have ever tasted. it is italian and the pasta is made fresh every day, you wouldn't think it would make that much difference but if i could eat that pasta every day i would. and i'm not even a huge fan of pasta. it is also very open dress, like you can wear casual clothes or fancy-ish clothes and not be stared at like a retard. i always go to non-fancy restaurants and i'll be wearing a dress and heels and i'll feel so ridiculous. last night i wore a floral short-ish dress and beautiful $200 flats that give me mad blisters. by the end of the night i had taken them off. anyway - where the fuck was i going with this?

lol so we went out to dinner, then drove home and had some drinks. we were drinking my bourbon and coke, and juleyin really doesn't like bourbon but drank it anyway, i was like ugh if you don't like it don't drink it. i was pretty happy to be drunk, i really need to stop obsessively drinking i am becoming an alcoholic. even now i am dying for a drink but then i would have drank every night this past week. this saddens me, like i don't really care but juleyin does and he makes me feel so bad about it. he does have a point though, i'm fifteen. i can't believe that on random nights or during the day i'll be like "i feel like a drink" or "i need a drink". i'm too young for this shit.
vvv a photo of me at juleyin's after dinner blowing smoke rings. wish the photo turned out better.

so we slept in this morning, and got up around 9 o'clock. by the time we got to school it was after recess, i only went to two classes today - one of which i had a math exam and the other i was doing nothing. why did i even go to school? then it was time to leave again because it is sports day and i refuse to both stay at school nor partake in physical activity. it's getting really hard to leave the school now, i wish it was like it used to be when no one cared. juleyin and i went to the shops because he needed to talk to optus about his plan, and i bought a beautiful floral handbag that was on sale, i got it for $30. image featured below.

bad photo but it's so beautiful, i love it.

then we went to juleyin's and hung around there till i had to go to work. while at work i had several shitty customers, i was about to pass out the entire time and my boss kept coming in so i had to work. my allergies are also playing up. but while on my break i bought this amazing sketching book, it was $17 but well worth it - it's awesome and shows you how to draw animals, faces (and parts of faces etc), cars, dancers, flowers etc. i am so happy with it.

oh!! and also today the white stockings i ordered arrived. they are so pretty and actually quite strong so i doubt they will ladder too easily. i hope. if not they're only $10 c:
below is a photo of me wearing them, i feel like a ballerina.

priorities and finances for the next week.

oh my god, once my boyfriends birthday is over, (it's on the 4th of August) i can begin to save again.
this week i did not earn much because i only worked one shift, so i couldn't really save anything.
i put away $15 for my phone bill but ended up spending $10 of that, so next week i'll have to put away $25 for it.

i also paid for my gym contribution, and spent $15 on art stuff for my drawings, so that's understandable for where all my money went this week.
i had about $20 left in my account after i paid all my bills and bought my art stuff but i had to put $5 on my go card because i went to brisbane on friday night. then i bought some food and other crap, so now i only have $7 left in my account.
luckily though i have nothing that i will be doing throughout the week, so it's not really a hassle that i have no money.

then when i get paid on thursday night, i have  to pay some bills.
$25 goes to my phone bill, then that's $75 left.
$6 for gym, that's $69 left.
i saw a beautiful dress today reduced from around $160 to $30 because it had a tiny lipstick stain on it, if it is still there by friday i will buy it.
then i would have $39 left.
i will probably end up buying beer or weed for the weekend and after that i will put whatever i have left into savings.
i hope i don't spend too much excess money.

it's juleyin's birthday bbq on saturday as well, and you can drink if you want to but i'm not sure if i want to.
i might ask juleyin if he wants to just go halves with a 6 pack of beer, so we'll have a few drinks but i can't be drunk at a bbq with a lot of his family there. that would be humiliating.

i hope i can put away like $25-$30 into my savings.
the week after that i am going to save $50 minimum.

friday and friday night.

was pretty freakin' good.
didn't do all that much, but i really like simplistic things. i like shopping in the day, drinks at  night without too many dramas and then going home and sleeping in my own bed.
that's exactly what i did on friday and friday night.

ok so on friday i was meant to go to Pacific Fair with juleyin and some of our other friends. brodie couldn't come because he just got approved to move into a new house and had to sort out stuff to do with that, blake got called into work and we couldn't get a hold of ash so he didn't come.
i got dropped off at juleyin's around 11am and the car was gone and we had no idea when it would be back, so we had to catch a bus up. my hatred for public transport has increased even more. there was this white trash fuckwit couple who were screaming and swearing really loud, and they were trying to sell weed to everyone on the bus, including me and juleyin. they got off at Palm Beach, no surprise there. there was also some bogan ass lady whining on her phone crazy loud, having a sook about how she doesn't have a sook.
i can't wait until juleyin gets his car.

so we got to pac fair, and for the first part i didn't know what to buy. i looked everywhere for nice things but i didn't find much. for lunch i got a kebab, and then later i bought a "storm" ice cream from Hungry Jacks and a lemonade.
towards the end of the day i found some really lovely things, which made me so incredibly happy!
all day i had been searching for a pair of really nice high-waisted shorts. i didn't want to, but i was prepared to pay quite a bit for a nice pair. but even the most expensive ones i didn't even like.
but then at the end of the day i found the prettiest pair for $20! n_______n

i also found this cute beret for $10, i don't really need another one but i thought it would be cute and i could wear it with some of my red-ish outfits etc.  and for just if i don't feel like wearing a bandanna - seeing as i wear a different one every day.



speaking of which, i picked up two bandanna's, $5 each ^-^ i got a pink one and a green one.

then i went on a sticker-frenzy. OH. MY GOD.
stickers are the best thing in my life i swear to god, i love them more than life and they are making my journal so pretty. i'm putting stickers on like every page/entry now, just to make it prettier. i'm pretty devastated that i left my drama book at school over the holidays because  i need to do that book up as well, and i need to write down reflections etc. OH WELL. my drama teacher can bite me, i hate her.
the stickers that i bought were: a sheet of tiny ant stickers ~ which i thought was adorable,  a sheet of cutesy cartoon glitter birds, a sheet of glittery unicorns, a sheet of glittery hippos that say "hip hip hooray!", a sheet of the cutest moo cows ever, a sheet of hard, plastic glittery flowers and a sheet of normal flower stickers just like the hard plastic ones.

i also bought a big tub of foam puppy stickers for $2. there's millions i swear, and they're all different colours. they're foam cut-outs of different types of puppies, bones, and big things that say "WOOF".




the only other thing i bought was this environmental arm-band. it was $2 and it had silhouettes of naked women on it. and it was promoting recycling. of course i bought it.



i am bursting with joy due to my new stickers. i also have all the others i bought the other day.
n____________________________________________n

i think that was all that i bought, i somehow ended up spending $70.
but i'm ok with that, i got plenty of nice stuff for myself and i am so happy as a result.

then after we came back from pac fair we went to juleyin's. it was raining so we got pretty wet, which sucked.
then andy picked me up and we drove out to billy's in cabarita. the car was full ~ black dylan was in the front and jazi, hannah and i were squished in the back. i'd never met hannah before but she was so cool, we became pretty good friends by the end of the night.
we finally got to billy's and for the first part of the night i was really depressed. i don't even know why. i had a few drinks but i was nowhere near drunk, and for the first hour or so that we were there i was just sitting on the couch, smoking or writing in my journal, lamely enough.
then andy kept making me drinks because he felt really bad that i was so upset, and he knows when i drink i just dance around haha. so then i got pretty drunk and i was dancing and it was all really lovely.
then hannah got really sick, and i had been sticking with her all night. she was really smashed and i kept her with me at all times so she didn't get with someone gross or do something stupid.
but yeah, i found her in the bathroom and she said she thought she was going to be sick. i got her over to the toilet and she threw up. she's such a good girl, she threw up tonnes and only missed the toilet once. but she even cleaned it up herself, i told her i'd do it for her.
then i called her mum and got her to come get her. then a few other people came around.
after about 10 o'clock juleyin arrived and said hi to everyone, then he took me and dylan home and juleyin stayed over at mine.
i was well sober by then so that was good, i got to brush my teeth and take my makeup off and get into my pajamas, instead of just passing out in my bed. juleyin also slept in my room, which is a rare thing for mum to let us do :)