so much nostalgia

exams all week this week, ew.

it's so crazy to think about how much i've changed and how far i've come since this time last year. i remember when i had half yearlies last year i was at one of the most shameful times of my life.
i had been kicked out of my home and was bouncing from house to house, i was drinking and smoking non-stop and it was around this time that i first started doing drugs. i remember one thursday night having a big argument with my mum and decided i was leaving. the next day i set off with my partner-in-crime, tori, with duffel bags stuffed with all our valued possessions and we left it all at juleyin's house while we hit the town that day. juleyin and i were close at this time, we weren't dating but we were getting together and constantly fighting the feelings we had for each other. that night we went to a party on the beach, and i still think it was the best party i've ever been to. or at least one of them. i got very drunk very quickly and i was then used as currency, something i am so furious about. i had no idea what was going on, i was out of it. some people i was with wanted some smokes and drinks off these guys. they said no, so they offered me to them. they gave them a few smokes and then basically gave me away to them. i'm not sure exactly what i did with any of those guys.
then a while later the cops came. i had to climb this mountain thing and got scratches all over me, and i left my only warm jacket down on the beach. that was my favourite jacket and i never got it back. anyway, juleyin and i were hiding up on this mountain and the only thing that kept me from losing my balance was a tree. i slipped, and began tumbling down this rainforest/hill thing. i got absolutely covered in scrapes and bruises but i thought it was hilarious. a little while later juleyin carried me back to his house.
i continued with this lifestyle for about a week, and then started doing weed. i also kept jumping from house to house, until i realised i had no money, i was filthy and unhappy because juleyin was back up in brisbane. i went home again.

a few weeks passed and mum and i kept fighting, i was wagging, stealing and going out and getting smashed when i was told to stay home. then mum basically kicked me out.
i was living at my step mother's house for a while, but it didn't really work. it was at this time that the half yearlies were on, and that's why i'm so amazed, comparing this year and the last.

now, my mother is my best friend and i love her to death, i never wag and i try hard at school, and we never fight about me going out because i'm allowed to go to parties now and she trusts me.

i still do drugs, i still smoke and drink, but everyone has their own way to deal with things.
also, i'm in a loving committed relationship, (it's mine and juleyin's anniversary on sunday also) and i'm not slutting it up.
can't even imagine this time next year.

oh and i had pixie cropped, bleach blonde hair. look at me now!
O_O

finances for the next month

got so bored at work yesterday and i worked it all out. had nothing to do but stand at the register all day so i started doodling and worked out my expenses for the next month, or the next four weeks. friday is my payday, bee tee dubbz.

3rd of june (this friday) - $100. then take out $50 for my usual savings, then take out $30 to finish paying for my vans. (WHICH I GET FRIDAY ARVO EEEEEE! :3) then minus another $6 for the gym and i'm left with $14 for the week. this is going to be difficult, i'm going out both friday and sunday night. and i need to think of something to buy/make juleyin for our anniversary. i'll probably have to ask mum for money for dinner on friday night, i feel bad about that. i'll have to be super tight and not waste money on like, maccas or some shit. if i have any money left by next payday i'll withdraw it and put it in my money tin to go towards my phone bill. doubt i will though, i'll probably end up buying smokes or some shit. /bad daisy and your poor attempt of quitting

10th of june - $100. $50 out for usual savings, then $6 for gym. then i need to buy moroccan oil, a really good hair product that i've heard of and decided to buy after meg referred it to me c: (thanks cutie). it's around $25. then i'll be left with $20 left for the rest of the week, and i need to save as much of that as possible because the week after i'm broke and i'll also have to pay my phone bill around this time. every dollar counts for me.

17th of june - $100. $50 for my usual savings, then $6 for gym. then, (if the offer is still going) i'll be spending $50 on some new piercings, leaving me with $0. (i do realise i won't have enough for my gym contribution if i spend $50 on piercings but that's where my saving skills come in). ok, a bit of background info. aside from saving half my earnings per week towards a new laptop, i've been simultaneously saving for three other things with my remaining $50 p/wk. i have been saving for vans, because i need new school shoes and have wanted some for ages. i have also been waiting to get some moroccan oil, (as previously mentioned) but it's around $25 so i basically have to plan when i'll be able to buy it. the last thing i am saving for is some new piercings. once this term went back within the first few weeks i received about 8 good results from past assessment tasks/assignments i had done. i said to mum that i wanted my reverse navel done and that i obviously deserved it. nan and pop were trying so hard at the time to sell their house and mum was stressed, so she said we'll revisit the discussion after they sell the house. then my mum had another heart attack. everything's been so chaotic lately, i can't believe it. so i've been putting all my wants on hold because there's so many more important things to be concerned with. i reminded mum about my piercings the other day and she said we'll wait for my half yearly results back first. i'd argue that more but it doesn't really matter, i'll have them back by the time i have enough money for them anyway. anywhoooo, cosmetics plus have had a deal going on for a while now, and it's two piercings for $50. that's such good value and i have tonnes of piercing spray already so i wouldn't need to spend any extra on that. i definitely want my reverse navel, and i'm unsure about the second piercing. i would love to get my tongue done, but i don't think mum will want me getting that done. if she says no then i'll ask for either my cleavage, finger or smiley, and let her choose. i'm so happy, because by this time i will have gotten the three things i've been saving for, and that's the best feeling in the world.

24th of june - $100. $50 for laptop, $6 for gym. this leaves me with $44 for the week and i'm going to give mum $25 out of that for my soundwave revolution ticket. she has agreed to buy it for me basically as soon as they come on sale and then i'll pay her back over time. i'm going to give her around $20-25 a week or however much i can spare, and it should take me about 6-8 weeks to pay it off completely. i'm so happy, i'm saving wonderfully.

me = winnah.
↓ a photo of my plannings while at work, haha.

better keyboard 8.

best thing i've ever downloaded on my phone.
so many amazing symbols i can use (now without copying n pasting), amazing easy to use functions, vibrating and sound feedback, omg.

lame thing to get excited over but it makes me so happy.
see?? ↓↓↓
Ü☏♥☆♣♡★✔♚♪⚂⇔♀Ⅳ♨∞♕♛♚

next year, for me specifically

so. excited.
so many things will be different. this year for me is the most pointless, irrelevant bullshit ever. now that we have to stay till we're 17 by law the school certificate doesn't matter anymore! they've even said they're taking it out. i just want to be in senior school already. i want to study things that i like, i want to put more effort in because i'll be motivated to, and most of all i can't wait to be 16.
OMG ALL THE PIERCINGS I WANT.
and extra money from youth allowance, and i'll be earning more. i'd also have more freedom but that's not really an issue, i basically am allowed to do whatever i want anyway. i'm just looking forward to having extra cash so i'll be able to save more per week.
i'm still unsure about what next year entails for juleyin and i though. if he moves to brisbane for study, though i said i'd move with him i just don't think it will be practical. i'll get preoccupied and my marks will suffer for it, plus it would be hard to ever study. correction, *harder.
i hope more than anything that we stay together. i'll have to make do with seeing him like, one day and one night a week. if he isn't working too often i was thinking i could go up there friday nights, stay there that night and come back saturday, i'd stay all weekend but i have work. merh. just can't wait for school, money and piercings. then i'll be a happy chappy.

but of course none of that will help with my dire need for friends.

~♥

☏♪☎ ↓✔♀Ü♔♕♛♚∨∞⚂

gigs

so many, so excited!!
i just missed out on destroy music, which i'm totally devo'd about. my good friend couldn't go anymore because she had no way home, so she was going to sell me her ticket for $30. it's on this saturday night and mum said no because i have work sunday and she doesn't want me going to brisbane at night :'( i would have argued more but she's just out of hospital and i don't want to stir anything more than i have to. i looked at the lineup for soundwave revolution and it looks so amazing. i really only want to go because of whitechapel, they're one of my favourite bands and i cannot die until i've seen them, suicide silence, t.mills and the black dahlia murder live. tickets are around $170 which isn't that much, and juleyin said he would go with me even though he doesn't like that music! :3 i'm so excited! it's gonna be so hard to save for though, lol. might ask mum to pay for it and i'll pay her back? /good idea daisy! not sure if mummy will though.. :/
i'll also have to start saving soon for splendour in the grass. not sure when it is exactly, but juleyin's friend hayden wants us to come with him and camp out, sounds like so much fun. it's around $300 so i better start saving asap. wow. i'm spending $500 on two music festivals. LOL.

ok i have $27 left in my account at the moment. $6 is for mum for the gym. then i'll have $20 left and i want to give that to mum for my vans now, otherwise i'll spend it. or i suppose i could withdraw it and keep it in my money tin. then on friday when i get paid i'll put another $30 in and then mum and i will pay $50 each for my vans :) i need them for school so mum said she would go halves with me. except then i'll only have like, $15 for the rest of the week. and i'm going out friday night and sunday night :l i'm fucked. but shoes for school are a priority, and i'll wear them at work and on the weekends too so it'll be worth it. i'm not really bothered that i won't have money for drugs or drinks at the party, just that i won't have much money for dinner etc or any money for sunday night. (next sunday night is mine and juleyin's one year anniversary and we're going out) but i presume he'll be paying that night.
i don't know. money is just a big issue at the moment.

dyed my hair black!

so happy. i miss having dark hair and i think it looks quite lovely to be honest. i think i am getting some caramel foils put in it tomorrow, if not it's ok i can wait, i love the colour it is now.
today was bit of a rollercoaster. i slept in which was soooo good, (i wasn't at school because it was the athletics carnival) and then lazed around and got ready to do some shopping with mummy, i was really excited to have a girly day with her. first we got some cold + flu tablets from the chemist and mum's makeup artist lady said that we look really similar, which completely made my day. i love being told i look like my mum, i think she is the most beautiful woman on the planet and aspire to be like her in any way i can.
then we went to sussans looking for a new handbag for mum. i saw the most amazing handbag of my life. it was massive and leather and red, and words cannot describe to you how much it suited me. i'll post a picture down there vvv. anyway, i was going to put it on layby, plus it was only $70 which is crazy fucking cheap for a good handbag. then i somehow ended up convincing mum to buy it for herself and now i'm really sad because i was in love with it and wanted to save for it and it would be my reward. mum said i can borrow it though, i might take it when i go to brisbane, whenever that is. i've been needing to go for ages and everyone is always busy so no one will come with me. /hinthint to anyone who actually reads my blog (i.e. no one).
i'll dress up cute in red and white and take the bag. it's massive too so it could be good for if i'm going out and staying somewhere. but i still want a really nice, red leather bag. i've wanted one for ages. so i'm going to go up to robina/pac fair soon and look in big expensive handbag shops and layby a really nice statement bag. retail therapy is my favourite thing in the world.
then after mum bought the most beautiful bag in the world we went to priceline and bought my hair dye. we got dark brown and then bought mascara. after that we met up with juleyin for lunch. though by this time it was like, well after 2 o'clock. we went to a fancy place for lunch and mum and i shared 'grilled chicken, salad, sweet chilli and mayonnaise on toasted turkish bread'. doesn't sound that nice but it was divine, so good in fact we made it for dinner tonight. then juleyin and i went back to his house, cuddled for a good 40 minutes then decided we should probably go to my house and do our hair.
we got to mine and i did juleyin's hair first. I put his colour in and then dyed my extensions. his only had to be left on for ten minutes so after that i rinsed it then gave it a good hack. baby has been asking me for a haircut for weeks but i never have time. anyway i finally did it, i took a fair bit of length off, thinned it and gave him choppy layers all over. then i washed my extensions out and put a treatment through them. then i rinsed all the loose hair off juleyin's head and put a treatment on his hair too. while we were letting the treatments set in i put my colour through my hair. then i rinsed and dried juleyin's hair and did the same for my extensions. then juleyin had to leave and go to work. ten minutes or so later i rinsed my hair, then treated it, then dried it. i put my extensions in and omg. i love my hair dark. gonna put some blue in again when i get some blonde in it.

SAVING FOR:

a thousand things simultaneously.
so i earn $100 a week unless i pick up extra shifts, which never happens.
i save $50 of that every week and put it into my separate account that i don't touch. this is savings for my laptop. i need my own one soooooooo bad, and mum says she'll put in a few hundred for an early christmas present. so i want to save up around $1000ish.

aside from that, i'm also saving for a few other things with my remaining $50 p/wk.
well every week i have to give my mum $6.50 because my gym fee is $12.50 a week and we go halves. then, if i can but usually don't because i'm a shitcunt, put away around $10 a week for my credit.
then with the tiny amount of my remaining money for the week i'm trying to save $50 for a pair of vans (mum is paying the rest), $20-30 for moroccan oil for my hair - a product that will help get my hair healthy again, and $50 for piercings. once i have the money i'm allowed to get some, pretty sure.

/NEEDSEXTRAMONEY

lol. had to highlight the word sex.
~~♥♥♥♪

you love me.

the future

is always so fucking close ahead! it's terrifying me, and i want it so badly but at the same time i need more time.
i have no idea what my life will be like next year.
i think it's fairly safe to say that juleyin and i will still be together by next year, and that's where it starts to get complicated. he has no idea what he wants to do when he leaves school, but he knows that he definitely wants to go to uni. there's a high probability that he will move back to brisbane for this, and get a house with his best friend, brodie. i always said i wanted to move in with them and do my hsc up in brisbane, but i somehow don't think that will happen. i want to focus all of my attention on my studies, and even though i'd have the opportunity to go to a better school up there, i don't think i'd be focused living with the two funniest men alive. also, i'd be the most homesick bitch in the world.
but i'm not sure if juleyin and i could survive that long distance again.
i suppose we could take turns going up or down and staying the night like we used to, but it would be so hard, going from seeing him everyday to that.
if we can stay together for another two years (which i sincerely hope so because he's the most amazing man i've ever met and never want to lose him), then i'll be moving to brisbane after i finish my hsc and will live with juleyin and brodie while i am at university. this is my plan, at least. it would be so perfect and i seriously hope so dearly that this all works out.

juleyin is the first person i've been with that i can realistically see myself being with for quite some time, and the amazing thing is that it could very well happen. it's our one year anniversary next sunday, i'm so happy and so excited and vow to make our next year a whole lot better and easier.

i'm just hating year ten something fierce. it is actually the most pointless year, considering that everyone has to stay till they're 17 and i'm going on to years eleven and twelve anyway. the only subject i'm really struggling with is math. i'm in advanced and i'm fairly sure i've failed every test this year. i'm paying $50 a week for tutoring which is helping, but it's not like i'm not trying to do well. i have an exam tomorrow which i'm certain i'll fail but i've been studying for hours, regardless. then all of next week i have exams. they're going to be so difficult and i'll probably fail the math one, but it's ok i'll still pass as long as i don't get any n awards. which i won't because i'm a good student, i'm just naturally bad at math.

sigh, only half a year left of this utterly pointless grade.

best boyfriend in the world

i love you so much baby. ♥

today

my day and my night today was both complete shit and marvelous.
last night i must have called and texted juleyin a thousand times but he kept ignoring me. this morning wasn't much better. no hug, no kiss, no words except 'i don't want to see you or talk to you'. this went on till about lunch. at lunch we had a big fight, and by big fight i mean he yelled at me and i apologized over and over, but in the end we worked things out and i couldn't be happier. i'm never taking you for granted ever again baby.
then this afternoon we had a lovely time together and we actually connected really well, it made me so happy and i could really feel us being closer. it's hard to explain, i just felt things i hadn't before.

tonight was supposed to be my pampering night. i was going to wash + treat my hair, wax my eyebrows, paint my nails and finish my pe assignment. i washed and treated my hair, waxed my eyebrows and moisturized my whole body but i didn't do my nails or my assignment and they were the important things :(
oh well, i'll paint my nails tomorrow morning and study all night tomorrow after my workout at the gym. i have a session with like a professional guy to help me, i'll let you know how it goes.

vv haha, putting my earphones through my stretchers like a mad bitch.

making up was great,

the makeup sex was even better ;)

i think with my vagina

and it will be the death of me.
ok it's the only conclusion i can come up with. i'm always fucking shit up, i'm always so determined to make the worst decision possible. i'm too greedy and too stupid. i need to change. i want to change my whole life and i want to change my personality. i can't believe how i treat people, and i can't believe how hard it is to stop it.
i'm a pathological liar and a self-destructive whore.

cardio routine/new diet

starting this instant.
i need to make some lifestyle changes.
ok - partying less, smoking rather than drinking excessively, more study, more cardio, less fatty food.
mainly the fatty foods. i have such a soft spot for maccas/hungry jacks and they're always so conveniently located. but if i see one and i want some i'll just go hungry.
other main goal is to burn more calories at the gym than what i'm eating each day. i want to lose inches and be skinny and beautiful.

make me look like this.

so i told him,

worked out marvellously. stormed out, leaving me crying in his bed, got left in the rain and had to call my brother to get me.

i don't even recognize this man anymore. what have i done? i don't even comprehend how i could take the sweetest, kindest person in the world and make him behave like this.
WHY AM I SO FUCKING STUPID?!
i'm stopping drinking, that's it. when i go to parties i am just going to smoke weed and socialize, not get pissed act slutty and dance all night.

my main focus from here till zip is to be a loyal, wonderful girlfriend. i've been lucky enough to score the best boyfriend in the world and i keep trying to throw it all away. i'm determined to change this.
first of all, no more alcohol. which of course means, STAY FAITHFUL YOU WHOREISH CUNT.
next, trying to give more space to him and not getting so jealous.

ok gonna stop there. i do realise you can't plan out how to be a good girlfriend but i'm terrified and i can't lose him.

juleyin ray tutt, i've never met anyone quite like you. you're the most amazing man in my life and i'll never need anyone but you. i couldn't bear to lose you, you complete me, you make me a better person. you're the best thing for me and i'll never give up. you've been there through everything and i'm happy to say you're the only one to have done that. you're the one i need to get me through the day, and i never want to see you hurt ever again. i would do anything for you.
i'm in love with you, and you have no idea how hard i'm willing to fight for us.

beauty products i want!

omg so many. next week i want to save as much money as possible but i want to definitely buy a lovely bath set with some lotions etc. i need to take more care of my skin in winter. i already have super sensitive skin and i have lots of allergies and get all kinds of rashes if my skin doesn't stay hydrated or comes into contact with certain things (eg hairspray). in winter my skin is already dry and i have to pay special attention to my hands in particular. every night before bed i put lotion on my hands and it really does make a difference. i also want to stop letting long pants get the best of me. because it's winter my legs are almost always covered by jeans, track pants or tights and because of this fact i never seem to shave my legs anymore. my poor boyfriend.
but because of this, my legs dry out. i only seem to moisturize my legs when they're smooth because otherwise they feel gross to touch etc and this means they're nearly always dry. so i will attempt to shave more regularly and, In turn, make my legs smooth. i also REALLY want to buy that new dove 7 day moisture cream. i realise it won't last a week but i think it would be heaps good. i'm going to try not to buy too much with next weeks pay, at least now i know the gym has a scale i don't have some cos they're expensive. just gonna buy some lotions etc and a compact mirror for my makeup purse, i'll buy some stickers from work and cover it and make it cute. i want to know where i can buy marijuana stickers. anyone??? might have to even order some online.
i'm glad i didn't buy that hair dye the other day. i think i might finally be getting my foils done on the weekend, but i don't know if i should dye all of my hair the one colour first?
anyway, wish me luck.

gym routine

i want to go as often as possible. yesterday was my first session and i'm in love. i went again today after work but didn't stay very long.
so i finish work at 3:30 and genius me didn't realise the gym closes at 4. so i just ran on the treadmill for 10-15 mins, it was still good.
i'm eating quite well except for the lollies, but i'm going to give what i have left to my friends and boyfriend at school tomorrow, they'll appreciate that :) so will my body!!

need to get this secret off my chest.

it's eating me alive and it's horrible and why can't we just pretend it didn't happen?

need to dye my hair

so badly! seriously. today i was so close to buying dark, natural blonde hair dye just because i'm so fucking bored. not only is this hair colour dull and boring, but it no longer matches the colour of my extensions and i need to dye both of them. i really, really want permanent extensions but they're just so expensive and i'm not sure if i could afford the upkeep. maybe in a few months i could think about it again, or after i buy my laptop, but that won't be till towards the end of the year.
i am working on managing my finances better, but it is proving difficult. i guess i just have to learn to not buy everything i want. i really don't want to buy anything at work tomorrow, i want to buy some bed socks but that's all.
omg i need money.

today i went shopping at robina with my brother just for really something to do. i bought a couple of things but i'm glad i did, i was feeling very sad today and shopping always cheers me up. i bought a lovely bra for $8 which was awesome, a whole lot of gum because i never seem to have any/have enough, a good pair of joggers for the gym, some hair ties and a little bottle of olive butter for my dry hands. the olive butter was a dollar from kmart, i might go back and get a whole bunch if it's good.
anyway, i spent a lot more than i had intended to, but that's something i'll just have to work on.

vv the new bra i bought today. lately i've been wearing my red bandanna and red lipstick, this seemed fitting.

body image and self-esteem

my weight is getting larger and larger and my self-esteem is getting beyond minuscule.
i've been eating worse than ever, my skin is breaking out because of it, i'm a stress eater and i've been so wrecked and lazy i can't stop eating bad food.
and then after everything that's happened the past two days.. i just want to sit in bed and cry for a few days.

i have never felt worse than i do about myself right now. i always thought of myself as one of those people who call themselves fat because they're just unhappy with their body, but know they're not really fat. then i saw photos of myself etc, and really looked at myself, and i can't believe how truly disgusting i am. i want to be so ridiculously thin that i look sickly, i want my boobs to disappear and i want to be able to see every bone in my body.

i went for my first gym session today and will be going absolutely whenever i can, but that will make me healthy. not stick thin.

repeat of 8 years ago.

can't believe my poor mummy had to go through all this again.
ok so wednesday was my brothers 19th birthday. we had a lovely night, ate some chinese food and some cake and went to bed.

the next morning i wake up at 6am to my brother scared out of his mind saying something's wrong with mum. she was lying in bed, unable to move with pains in her arm and a burning sensation from her chest to her throat.

now eight years ago, (i would have been 6-7 y/o) my brother, father and myself were at a Jehovah's Witness meeting. this was back when we really practiced our religion by the book. during end prayer we received a call from my very distressed mother. i can't really remember what happened except that i was terrified and couldn't stop crying. she then went on to have another two heart attacks over the next day or so, leaving a total of three at this time.

on thursday morning a very similar thing happened. we called the ambulance, and they took her away. i couldn't stop crying and i don't think i've ever been more scared. she was at the tweed hospital for the rest of the day thursday and then thursday night they sent her up to the gold coast hospital for further testing and an operation.
they threaded a tube through her groin all the way to her heart along her artery, injected a dye and took a closer look at her heart. they were going to put another stint in (an operation she had 8 years ago to open up the arteries) but thankfully they didn't need to, the old one was still working. all in all they concluded it was a minor heart attack along with a whole lot of other medical jargon.

we all went up to see her today in southport and to our surprise we were allowed to take her home with us!

my poor, beautiful mum, she was poked and prodded so much and it hurts me so much to see her in pain.

i'm glad she's home, i don't even want to imagine life without her.

vvv the view from mum's room!

can't sleep, depressed.

can't even blog about it, so sad and angry.

a toast to the past

today i hung out with my ex fiance, who obviously used to be a huge part of my life. it was really lovely even if it did feel a little strange. our relationship was way too complicated and strange that it's not worth me explaining it, (and really, i don't really want to) so - simply put, i would have died for him. when i'm on the home computer next i'll upload a photo so you can see how we were together and how different/young i looked. when we started dating i was 12, how crazy is that!

ANYWAY. today was my brother's birthday. i didn't want him to be at home alone and it's sport day so all the periods are stupid and short and pointless. plus i REALLY needed a good sleep, sif it ever happens with my lifestyle. so i got up at six, gave adam my present and went back to bed. next thing i know i'm waking up and it's 11:30am. that makes me so happy. i had planned on going to the gym today but decided not too. i'd be really scared and embarrassed going in by myself and ayla said she'd go in with me on friday after school. i'm so excited! i'll no doubt blog about it friday night afterwards.
i ate so much chinese and birthday cake tonight that my stomach is gargantuan. i actually think i'm the grossest, fattest person alive.

so after my giant sleep i got up, had some cereal and took my morning pills. i had been texting shaun cos i wanted to hang but then he didn't reply for ages -_- stupid cunt. (lol i'm totally kidding)
after ages we finally figured out what we were doing, and as soon as i left the house it started pissing down rain. i met up with the lovely lewis and we walked down to near where shaun lives. i had chronic fucking nostalgia because when we started dating i was too young and couldn't see him. so every night i'd sneak out and walk to his house that same way. i hadn't walked down there since we were together, and we broke up well over a year ago, so that's quite a while. we smoked by the river, talked about the issues between both our relationships and it was really funny to think how we've matured enough to be friends after all this time. we used to hate each other. we also saw a giant pufferfish washed up on the beach. it was alive, but barely. i started crying so lewis took his shoes off, grabbed a stick and put it back in the river. eventually he started swimming, i hope he was ok :(
then after a while i walked home. it was a pretty worthwhile day.

below is a photo of the giant pufferfish and what i looked like today.

GYM UPDATE OMG

mummy went in and signed me up, i now have my key ring with the membership card and i am going tomorrow instead of sport at school! I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!

vvvvv a photo of my membership card, my key chain from paris and my little heart that says 'daisy' ^-^

boat party - ash's 18th

this friday just gone was ash's 18th birthday party. we had it on a boat and sailed all around the tweed river etc. it was freezing and you couldn't drink if you were under 18 because it was a licensed venue and bar, but it was still a lot of fun.
we had pre drinks at ash's house beforehand and i only had like, two or three beers. that is a giant accomplishment for me. i always seem to be sick nowadays, and my doctor says it's because i have a bad lifestyle. it actually makes a whole lot of sense, i drink a lot, smoke a lot of weed + cigarettes, i don't sleep enough (and i might have sleep apnea), and i never exercise. plus i eat horrible food.

so i'm starting to change that. friday was the first party i've been to in two years that i haven't gone completely drunk or stoned off my head. got some good photos, but i look blazed and demonic in most of them.
i also look really fat which makes me really depressed, but i'll most likely blog about that later.

gym update

so i called the gym today. i was really embarrassed and must have sounded so dumb on the phone, i was like 'um, can i like, join pl0x?'
but anyway. they have another special on at the moment that will save me $5 a fortnight. which is a bit when you think about it. thing is, it ends tomorrow. so while i'm at school tomorrow mummy is going to go down there and sign for me (cos i need a parent signature and i have tutoring after school anyway).

i'm so excited!! my two first cousins also recently joined and ayla, who is in my grade and also the most important person in the world to me, wants to go with me all the time.
there's also a women's only section, and a whole lot of fun exercise classes i can take. i am going to be the skinniest, happiest person soon enough.

i hope i can go wednesday afternoon instead of fucking tweed valley sport.

new photos

took some recent photos, finally. felt really pretty today.