organisation and the week ahead.

i bought a yearly planner a few months ago and i intend on using mine this year.
recently i have been trying to plan out my days better, but it's not going so well. i always end up staying at someone's house out of a spur-of-the-moment thing, and my plans never stick and i hate it.
i think it will be better when i start school again. speaking of which ~ i need to apply for the schools i want ASAP!! if i don't this week i am actually fucked, and my mother will send me back to banora. i cannot go back there.
there are many reasons i need to go to a new school. these include:

• i like the qld educations system a lot better and would rather finish my education in a qld school


• i need a new start, sick of people's shit and sick of being bullied


• i need to meet new people. more than anything.

when i start school again i will begin planning my days out better and writing down details of which class i have at what time, what we did so i can revise and what homework needs to be done. i will be travelling a lot to get to school so i will hopefully be able to do my homework while on busses etc.
i am excited to get organised, and all i want to do is to get good results, be a good student/better person and get my shit sorted.
i am actually quite sick of doing nothing all day, every day. i'm sick of chain-smoking, eating so much, my fucked up sleeping pattern and all the drinking and staying out.
honestly, all i want is to start school and begin saving.
i went to centrelink with my mother today, and if i move out my mother no longer gets family assistance or her healthcare card - and without the healthcare card alone she will be bankrupt from all of her heart medications that are around over $50 each. so basically i can't move out for another two years. i suppose i am ok with this, there's no way i'd leave my mum out to dry like that and i have everything i want/need at home. it's scary how crazy i get without normal broadband internet or the comfort of my own bed or even my setup in my room, it's comforting. not to mention how dependent i am on my mum.
not financially, emotionally. she's the one person i talk to about everything. besides maybe elle, but i can always tell my mother anything and know i won't be judged.

tomorrow i am working from 3pm to 8pm, and after that i am going to a gig and then elle is staying at mine after the gig. these plans are set in stone, so i guess i can write them in my planner ;-)

xoxo

dream diary.

i was running down the street, every single person from the town had come to see and were all chasing myself and my friend, like we were animals.
they grabbed me, pulled me back - had no control. i screamed "i feel like Jesus!", and somehow got away.

then i somehow got back to the house, and out on the porch blake was fighting that amazingly hot guy from 24.
then some dumb blonde bitch came at me. she was on my back so i jumped up and landed on my back.

 

ugh can't even remember, it was fucked.

crazy thought

i was showering tonight and a really weird scenario popped into my head.
i was thinking if i moved away, somewhere where i would never see anyone i knew again.
i was thinking that right before i left, i would fuck everyone i have ever wanted to, i would take so many drugs and i would be a complete and utter slut and ruin relationships just because i could.
then i would leave and start over and no one would know any different.

 

i have no idea where that came from. it's the best thing, to just fantasize about things you'd like to do but will probably never happen and in reality they wouldn't really work out.
i like to play things out in my head, then just imagine them.
the world inside my head is much better than this one, but i'm afraid sometimes i have difficulty distinguishing the two.

dream diary

omg so good.

ok for shits and giggles, ie no reason at all, i decided to hop on a plane to america.
the plane landed and i was in the airport in LA. next to the airport was a train station, and i was about to get on a train and go to another city but then i saw my friend blake.
he was with some friends, as he had been in america for a few weeks longer than me and they were all pretty cool. they were all male.
i told him i was thinking about going to another city and he was all "hell no, LA is where the party scene is at" but without that black tone of voice. i told him that i would stay in LA with him and that we should go out that night.
then i asked where they were staying. then they said "what, you don't sleep here, you don't live here, you just stay up all night and keep walking around with your duffel bag."

fuck i wish i could just do that.

then we met up with some other guys who had two trashy looking girls with them. i didn't like the look of them but i was happy to have some female company (that's odd, i hate women). the men then somehow stripped me so all i was wearing was a t-shirt, and started throwing me around, catching me and then throwing me to the next person. it sounds violent and despicable but it wasn't, it was all in good fun, i was just worried about my bum bum showing. then one of the guys was just carrying me, it was kinda cute. then he stroked my head and said "hey, you have real hair!" it wasn't till then that i realised i was blonde in this dream, with permanent hair extensions. they looked really good and even though you could tell my hair was dead my hair looked awesome. i can't wait to look like a barbie again.
so anyway, then i got changed into a mini, tight cheetah print dress and black heels. i looked so stereotypical slut and i don't care i looked hot. i also had lovely, smokey dark eye makeup on and omg. i would fuck me. i was also a lot skinnier than i am, and WHY CAN'T I LOOK LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE? we got to a club, and it was like a private room in the back of it, almost like an apartment. there were cute black leather couches and rest rooms and a beaded doorway that headed back out to the club.
we sat around drinking fancy, fruity drinks, and i can't remember too much except that at one stage i fell over one of the couches backwards and ended up upside down. woopsies,  i'm being mighty slutty in this dream.
then i hopped back on a plane back to australia to work one shift. (?!?!?!?!) afterwards i came home to wash my clothes and dye my regrowth before going back to america.
mum came into the bathroom while i was dying my hair and was like "oh hi sweetie! what are you doing home? how was your friends place?" and i was like "lol wtf i was overseas."
then after doing everything i needed to do i went back to the states and stayed there party-hopping for about a week.

when i am older i am going to do this for like a month i swear.