alternative pathways

i have recently dropped out of high school (with only two terms to go), and it was honestly the best decision i have ever made. most people probably expected me to feel regretful and upset by now, but i knew what i was doing when i made the decision and i haven't missed school for a single second.
i guess what a lot of adults (and students, too) don't realise is that there are many, many different means of getting into university or other forms of tertiary education. i did not make the decision to leave school lightly. i have taken months off at a time for personal reasons and i have attempted to return on at least five different occasions, so no one can say i didn't try.
for the last few weeks i have been getting back in touch with myself - drawing, writing, reading and knitting - these activities mean absolutely everything to me, and i haven't been able to get back into them until recently because i wasn't in the right frame of mind. i could not be happier to be able to do what i love again, and to take some time to remember who i am and, well, remind myself why i shouldn't end it all.
i am currently deciding on one out of two TAFE courses that start in july, and i am very, very excited.

my relationship is also stronger and better than ever, and i feel like myself again. i think i just might be ok.

alone again: 3.0

a week or so ago, i lost my boyfriend for the second time. i honestly have no idea if i will get him back this time around.
the last week has been a surge of self-loathing and realisations, and i'm determined to not let this ruin me. i have taken quite a bit of time off school since things have been so hard for me as of late (even before the break up), and tomorrow i start again. i am terrified, and doubtful, and feeling the pressure. it's not like last year, i can no longer afford to take time off to get myself together. this is it, i only have two more terms left and i'm petrified.

i am attempting to channel my pain into productive things, and to really buckle down and give this everything i have. i just have to make it to the end of the year.

my focus over the next few weeks is to be driven, focused, and leave partying for the weekends.
i hate that i've lost you, but i may have just found myself.

Nowhere, Nothing

excerpt i found from my english book from the beginning of 2012, a piece i wrote about my suicide attempt. i found this yesterday, a piece of writing we had to compose that depicted a "journey", and it was so hard to read. sharing it for no particular reason whatsoever.

"Nowhere, Nothing. 05/03/12.

I have a constant sickness in my stomach, and my chest feels as though there's something missing. It's a constant aching, and no amount of doctors and psychiatrists have the ability to make that go away.

Most of the time I'm told that it's not the destination that matters most, but the journey. But what if it's not a journey I want to take? What if the destination - no matter where that might be - isn't where I want to go?

I woke up in what was an obviously familiar place. It smelled of my childhood toys, dusted and forgotten. I felt comfortable though I was unable to move, I felt stuck - I was positioned on my stomach with my face in a pillow. I then realised I was in a bed - my bed. I heard my door open and the accompanying gush of air that always caused my blinds to clash against the window. I heard a familiar voice exclaim a familiar phrase, "Daisy, get up for school!"
I could hear her so clearly, her words spoke to me with such precision, clearer than I'd ever heard anything before. I was so completely aware, and yet I could not respond. After my mother repeated my name a few times - and I still failed to respond - she turned on my bedroom light and rushed over to me. She rolled my onto my side and in that instant i reaslied that the "stuck" feeling I was experiencing was due to the blood covering my entire body, that had dried, and thus bound me to my sheets. She asked me "What the fuck have you done?!" and yelled out to my brother for help, to call the ambulance, to save me from what I did not want saving from.

The rest was a blur of vomiting, needles and examinations until i woke up in the emergency ward at the local hospital. It would seem that this would be the destination my journey led me to, that sooner or later I will be be back here and will not leave. I am on a journey but I am going nowhere - I have no purpose, no need, no want or desire to be here.

The only mistake I made was not taking enough."

personal project (note: includes nudity)

~small disclaimer~: these photographs are mine, they were taken for a personal, artistic project and are in no way, shape or form child pornography. if you have nothing nice to say please keep your comments to yourself.

over the weekend my friend B and i got together to help each other out with a few little projects. i was modelling for her with a few different photo shoots for her photography and art assignments, and she also did another shoot as a favour to me - my first nude photo shoot.
i have always wanted to but never had the opportunity until now. it was a lot of fun and i'm very excited to do something similar soon.
this particular shoot had a few different purposes/meanings behind it:

• recreating some favourite photographers' work
• the beauty of the human body despite disfigurement
• inner beauty and being comfortable in your own skin

(to do with the first dot point) we were experimenting with dark lighting and the effect of shadows, and as such, a few of the images turned out pretty crummy with quality. nonetheless i have a few favourites. they are -

because of the issues with the lighting etc we're doing another similar shoot in the near future, i am very excited to see how they turn out. :-)

going through changes

it has been a chaotic few weeks.
a lot of changes have been made, and a lot of steps have been put into place for further changes.

over the past few weeks i have made the foolish yet inevitable mistake of mindless ex-sex, which ultimately has made me worse off than i ever was. i don't want to delve into details, but it ended, again, because he did not want anything from me, other than my body. i told myself i was ok with that but in the end i was just in too much pain. long story short, i broke it off - and it was one of the most painful things i have ever had to do.
now that i am positive there is nothing left between us, and there never will be again, i am able to move on. though i have never been in more pain, and never felt more alone.
i wish i could cope better on my own. i know this is what i wanted and that i will be able to address my own problems a bit better while on my own, but it is just hard. i am not sure why i feel the need to be in a relationship all the time, but i wish it wasn't like that. i think i like having the distraction of being able to focus on someone else rather than myself, but this is something that i need to do.

anyway, moving on. my mental health has been worse than ever over the past few weeks, and i find myself fantasizing of suicide more than ever before. because of this i have decided to go to the adolescent psychiatric facility that i was originally going to be committed to in february. i am now just waiting for a bed. i am also back in regular therapy with my psychologist, and have seen a psychiatrist who has changed my medication. at the moment i am off medication for two weeks, to let my current medication get out of my body completely. i will then begin taking my new one - hopefully it helps with my moods. later on in the week i have to go see an eating disorder specialist as well, i am hoping that it gives me some closure with the helplessness i am feeling - but at the same time i am terrified to talk about it.

regardless, i am taking steps towards getting better, no matter how hard and painful it is.
i have never been more terrified in my life.

moving on

same old, same old. this is all too familiar to me, everything is simply a repeat. i try to say i'm unhappy with the routine but last time i tried to change it i also tried to end my life. i don't understand what i am meant to do, where i am meant to go or where i am even headed.

things with my boyfriend are currently quite fantastic, he makes me happy and really does treat me well but i need to make sure i don't lose myself or my independence in this relationship like i always seem to do. i think things will work out for the best.

in almost every aspect of my life, things are getting back to normal. i feel this is a good thing but it also terrifies me, it's like nothing has changed and i haven't gotten any better, i'm just starting to move on from the hurt. i saw my GP today, and we had a good, long chat, and it really made me think. he was saying i need to start treating what goes on in my head as a disease, and not a weakness. but really, everyone has some degree of shit they go through, some degree of pain and suffering. it almost seems juvenile to go on about it like it's a serious problem. i'm happy to not change anything and to continue on the way i'm going, i'm happy not caring and just drifting. but there i go again, saying the same shit and changing my mind and regressing every time something goes the slightest bit wrong in my life. i am currently on easter break away from school, but once we go back i am hoping to god i have the strength to turn things around. i need to try and focus again, get organised. i also need to try to see the bigger picture, because when i do, all of my "issues" seem quite redundant.

these holidays i have a few things i want to do. i want to get my learners licence - mainly because i know this time next year i will be kicking myself if i don't get it now,  i want to get fit and i want to cut down on smoking so much. also, i want to spend more time with my girlfriends. i honestly hope i find the will to get these things done, everything sounds great in theory but i have next to no motivation and things just get harder the longer i put them off.

if my fear has kept me here, only my fear can set me free.

alterations

in desperate need of new piercings, bigger stretchers and tattoos.

unfortunately i'm at a loss as far as money goes. nevertheless, tomorrow i am getting my medusa pierced! i am unbelievably excited. i have been re-scheduled twice already so i am trying to not get too excited in case it doesn't happen for whatever reason, but my luck can't be that bad can it?

my appointment is in the afternoon so i will call around midday to confirm my appointment and how much money i need for it. zaccy is coming with me, thank god. i'm scared but mostly excited. i am also a little concerned that my septum might knock my new piercing. i have recently stretched it to 14gauge and the ring is a big bigger, and the ball sits exactly where my medusa is going to be. i may have to buy a small 14g horseshoe but i don't know if i have enough money for that.. i eventually want to stretch my septum to a 12 or 10 gauge with a silver crescent-type pincher.

here is a picture off the internet of the size my septum is and where it will sit near my medusa.

i also recently upsized my right lobe to 20mm. unfortunately my left isn't ready to go up to 18mm yet so i am left with one 16mm and one 20mm. this annoys me so much. this means i also need to buy an 18mm squishy so my ear will stretch even if it's not ready, because i usually just wait-stretch (wait until i have enough room to put a bigger stretcher in painlessly). so that's another thing i need around $10 for. not working is killing me but i am nowhere near ready to start looking for another job.

tattoos have also been on my mind a shit load, but being broke and under 18 makes that very difficult. i know quite a few people who would tattoo me but i am terrified of home jobs, like legit terrified. i know i have my shitty home job cross on my toe but that is faded to all hell now, and i actually loved it when i first got it done. i would like someone to go over it soon.

i just want to cover myself in beautiful tattoos and be happy forever.

my shitty, home job..

zacc ♥

so on the second of march zacc and i started dating, i honestly couldn't be happier.
things are moving so fast, and i know it's so quick to be with someone new but honestly, why should i wait to be happy? as cheesy as it sounds he is honestly the reason i'm still here. after my overdose i had planned to try again as soon as i was discharged from hospital, but somehow he changed that. i may be judged for putting these thoughts and occurrences on the internet but i'm not afraid to admit what i've done, i'm not ashamed and i'm not scared of anyone's words, thoughts or opinions. only my own.

since i was discharged from hospital i have not spent a single night in my own bed. i have been staying at zacc's for about a week now, i just don't feel comfortable at home and things are so difficult - particularly with my mother. i don't think she is coping very well at all. i understand why she is so scared to let me out of her sight etc, but it makes recovering a thousand times harder and i don't need that right now.
i also have not been to school in a very long time. i tried to go last monday, and even though i only had one class - had a breakdown afterwards. i don't know what it is about school, the students, the teachers, the workload or the environment - but i just can't handle it just yet. i am going to be working on my assignments from home until i am ready to go back. i hope i am able to, but it's just hard for me. perhaps i might even end up doing my year 11 &12 at tafe.

zacc makes life easier, simple. even though we have been together for a very short time it feels like forever, i'm so comfortable with him and don't feel the need to impress him - i just have to be myself and know that he loves me for that. i'm trying not to get too attached in case things don't work out for the best, but it's a bit late for that. hopefully things don't end for a very long time, because he's just so fucking perfect and i don't know what i would do without him. he's already my whole world, been waiting for this for so long. (i've had a thing for him since i was 12 years old when we went to school together !)

don't fuck it up daisy, he's perfect and he wants you.

new people, new ideas

i wish i could say this came with an accompanying new outlook on life but unfortunately that's just not happening for me right now.
i have spent the last 8 days in hospital. i only just avoided going to a psychiatric facility in lismore, because i told them i was happy and could guarantee my safety. whether or not it was a lie at the time is irrelevant, but i don't really believe it any more. i'm on an "Acute Watch Program" thing, which basically means i get called once or twice a day to see how i am and if i am in any danger from myself, and on the days where they don't call i am in therapy. had my first appointment this morning, it was painful and miserable. i want help and i know that this is the way to get it but it's just painful.
no matter how "happy" i get there is always a piercing pain in my chest and stomach, it just dulls from time to time. i just want it to go away.
i don't know how else to put it, i'm not in a good place.
food disgusts me, people disgust me, i constantly feel sick and there is nowhere i want to be - i don't enjoy being at home and i don't enjoy being anywhere else either. i just like being distracted whilst out with good people, new people. people who don't know that i'm a nutcase.

UPDATE!

my "beautiful and amazing" boyfriend of two years broke up with me last week.
as such, i have been trying to fly under the radar while i am on suicide watch. i also drowned my sorrows with a new tongue piercing and spending all of my savings. i don't really want to delve into the details, but i do want to say that i think my mourning is over and i am prepared to start over, start this new life. because now that i am single i actually have nothing to do with my time and no one to talk to - hence, i am looking for new, interesting and wonderful people!
i want to focus on being the person i was when i met my now-ex-boyfriend.
i have also lost all the weight i put on while i was in the relationship. daisy is back!

i can't wait to show you what you threw away.

UPDATE!

my "beautiful and amazing" boyfriend of two years broke up with me last week.
as such, i have been trying to fly under the radar while i am on suicide watch. i also drowned my sorrows with a new tongue piercing and spending all of my savings. i don't really want to delve into the details, but i do want to say that i think my mourning is over and i am prepared to start over, start this new life. because now that i am single i actually have nothing to do with my time and no one to talk to - hence, i am looking for new, interesting and wonderful people!
i want to focus on being the person i was when i met my now-ex-boyfriend.

i can't wait to show you what you threw away.

new school and weather conditions

i went for an interview on monday, and got accepted into the school i want to go to. the deputy was basically begging me to come to their school.
today (wednesday the 25th), was meant to be my first day but everything has flooded. this sucks. i am really excited but the only problem will be the travelling. i am now going to a qld school, and it has this awesome system where the seniors start at 7:45 monday to thursday and school ends at 3pm ~ and we get fridays off. i'm not sure how this will work for my thursday night shift, i may have to give it up, or start at about 5pm instead of 3pm. :/
though i'm not too concerned with that. i can tell them i can work all of friday, and if that's not good enough then i guess i will just have my sunday shift. i should probably look for a job at a place where i can work night times, like coles or woolworths. that would also be better pay.
because of all the rain and flooding today, i am just at home with my brother and bella. funny enough, my mother went to work and is now STUCK at work. i hope she can come home soon. :'( tonight i am meant to be going to a party in bilambil (which is on a hill), so i will still be right to go, but we will need to be careful when going there. i really wish i could get out of the house right now but i'm not that stupid.
while i have nothing to do today i am going to print off some images i like off the internet and attempt to sketch them. wish me luck !

if any turn out well i will post some photos at a later date.

room progress!

going so well!
i have my new curtains set up (which cost me 70 fucking dollars) with my icicle fairy lights hanging off them, my room is a lot cleaner, and as of yesterday i have my beautiful old school dressing table!
it's so wonderful. it was about $230 (a birthday present from mum) and it got delivered yesterday. and it's an antique! oh i couldn't be happier. it also has drawers so i can save a lot of space from that :-)

the only things i have left to buy now (as far as furniture goes), is a bigger bed frame and mattress and a new wardrobe. i'm not entirely convinced that i have to buy a new wardrobe, seeing as most places now have them in-built, and my current wardrobe is a hand made vintage one that used to be my mothers. she will not let me give it away/sell it so i really don't know what to do. it sucks though, because it is huge and takes up so much room in my tiny bedroom.
i might just do a massive clean out of all my clothes, and fit as much into my two sets of drawers as possible. then with the things i have to hang up, i might just buy a little clothes rack, kind of like you see in clothing stores. because if the place i move into has an in-built wardrobe that's fantastic, and if not i'll be set and won't have to take up much room :-)

ok i'm rambling. but point being, my room is feeling more and more homey every day.
i'll upload photos later when i get some good ones.

exercise entry/healthy bodies!

i feel so clean, i feel amazing.
i have been trying to cut down to 500 calories a day - it hasn't been going too well but not for lack of trying. my eating habits are getting a lot better and starting today am going to return to the gym as frequently as possible.

today i ate:
breakfast ~ nothing
lunch ~ "mini curry rice bowl" from top noodle
dinner ~ crumbed chicken breast, mashed potato and salad

as far as exercise goes:
i went to the gym and did ab exercises, running on the treadmill, cycling and rowing.
ab exercises:
~ hold body up for 1 minute (works your core)
~ 40 regular sit ups while holding a 5kg weight
~ 10 side-to-side sit ups while holding a 5kg weight
~ 20 leg raises.

treadmill:
distance covered ~ 2.92 kms
time spent ~ 31 minutes
calories burned ~ 132

exercise bike:
distance covered ~ 6.85 kms
time spent ~ 22.5 mins
calories burned ~ 100

rowing machine:
distance covered ~ 520 metres
time spent ~ 3.2 minutes lol (this was cut short as we had to leave the gym).
calories burned ~ 26

 

i have also successfully quit marijuana. one day i will try and quit cigarettes, but for the moment, i couldn't feel cleaner.

organisation and the week ahead.

i bought a yearly planner a few months ago and i intend on using mine this year.
recently i have been trying to plan out my days better, but it's not going so well. i always end up staying at someone's house out of a spur-of-the-moment thing, and my plans never stick and i hate it.
i think it will be better when i start school again. speaking of which ~ i need to apply for the schools i want ASAP!! if i don't this week i am actually fucked, and my mother will send me back to banora. i cannot go back there.
there are many reasons i need to go to a new school. these include:

• i like the qld educations system a lot better and would rather finish my education in a qld school


• i need a new start, sick of people's shit and sick of being bullied


• i need to meet new people. more than anything.

when i start school again i will begin planning my days out better and writing down details of which class i have at what time, what we did so i can revise and what homework needs to be done. i will be travelling a lot to get to school so i will hopefully be able to do my homework while on busses etc.
i am excited to get organised, and all i want to do is to get good results, be a good student/better person and get my shit sorted.
i am actually quite sick of doing nothing all day, every day. i'm sick of chain-smoking, eating so much, my fucked up sleeping pattern and all the drinking and staying out.
honestly, all i want is to start school and begin saving.
i went to centrelink with my mother today, and if i move out my mother no longer gets family assistance or her healthcare card - and without the healthcare card alone she will be bankrupt from all of her heart medications that are around over $50 each. so basically i can't move out for another two years. i suppose i am ok with this, there's no way i'd leave my mum out to dry like that and i have everything i want/need at home. it's scary how crazy i get without normal broadband internet or the comfort of my own bed or even my setup in my room, it's comforting. not to mention how dependent i am on my mum.
not financially, emotionally. she's the one person i talk to about everything. besides maybe elle, but i can always tell my mother anything and know i won't be judged.

tomorrow i am working from 3pm to 8pm, and after that i am going to a gig and then elle is staying at mine after the gig. these plans are set in stone, so i guess i can write them in my planner ;-)

xoxo

the future.

i've been thinking about moving out a lot lately. mostly about what i have to do in preparation for when i do move out. this includes:
~ buying new furniture and re-doing my room (new wardrobe, new bed & sheets etc, duchess/dressing table)
~ start saving so i have some extra cash when i move out
~ buy my camera and all the other things i'm saving for beforehand, because i won't be able to save much if i'm living out of home.

i was talking to my mother, and she made it clear to me that i will be living in this house until i move out. i had expected that as a family we would be moving soon, but then i realised that was counter-productive. then when i moved out my mother would have to move again, to get a smaller place.
so i have begun preparing. i am going to start by saving for my camera and furniture simultaneously, mainly because i can't decide which i need/want more.  i will be getting a bit of cash for my birthday which should help with my saving, (as long as i don't spend too much of it on shopping and my party). i'm also slowly getting rid of all the useless crap i have floating throughout my room. this not only includes old clothing and shoes etc that i no longer want, but also schooling stuff, and childhood memorabilia that i really must work up the courage to give away, or if i can't - pack it into some boxes and store it away.
i'm so incredibly happy after christmas, i have everything i need to be happy and continue living my life the way i want to. i have my doc martens (which i feel so comfortable in, and they're fantastic for all the hiking i end up doing at parties etc), my new gorgeous studded handbag (which can fit everything in it not to mention how in love i am with it), and i have new underwear and bras which i desperately needed.
this year will be a new beginning for me, i am going to focus more on myself and less on destroying myself. i want to focus on my art, my health and a healthy way of losing weight, saving and getting back in touch with myself.

i'm far too excited.

 

my birthday!

i'm so excited, exactly one month to go.

bringing in the new year

i had a wonderful night. i went to a party at one of my close friend's houses, with my boyfriend and my best friends. saw some people i didn't get along with, made up, saw all my good friends and enjoyed a good old fashioned drink-up.
i was wearing heels and a beautiful dress, and i was probably over dressed but i felt beautiful.

the most magical thing happened at midnight.
my boyfriend and i ended up separated, and i called him when there was 6 minutes to midnight, terrified that we would miss the midnight kiss. he ran to get a car back to the party i was at. i was standing out on the driveway, and i heard everyone counting down from 10. it got to two seconds, and my wonderful boyfriend was in my arms. we kissed exactly on midnight. it should have been in a movie.

so it's now a new year, new beginning. i don't care what people say about new years being just another day, it's cleansing for me, and an opportunity to be everything i want to be. this year, i plan to quit smoking marijuana, go to the gym at least three times a week and eat healthily (thus, losing weight). i also plan to completely re-do and re-furnish my room, save for my camera and start saving to move out of home.
i need to start looking for a new school to attend this year, i want to find a larger qld school so i have the opportunity to meet new friends and enjoy the company of new people. new start.



horrible photo of me with ellen in the backyard before we left.





group shot.
my boyfriend juleyin, myself, elle and luke.

 

i will be thin.

i can't stop thinking about it, i could cry all day.
i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin. i will be thin.

free resorts and brisbane mates.

so last night juleyin and i went around to kirra, to a place called Wyndham Vacation Resort.
juleyin's cousin zane and two of his mates mikey and georgia were staying at this resort because mikey's dad gets it for free once a year or something. it was pretty nice, we were up on the ninth floor with a beautiful view of the beach, and there was a lovely sauna/spa/pool area.

when we got there we started drinking, and i was drinking elevates. i had never tried them before, and a four-pack was around $13 which is pretty cheap, and that got me smashed. i was so happy to get really drunk again, it's been a while.
zane was complaining that he had no weed so i told him i had some, and then he said he had no spin, and i said i had some. he like killed me with a massive hug. i only had one cone, i was pretty drunk anyway.

i ended up going for a walk to buy more cigarettes, and now i'm wishing that i didn't because that was money my cousin gave me for me to go get her weed. which means i have to pay another $20 when i get paid this week for weed. i also need to buy a bottle of vodka, and juleyin's christmas present. and ayla's. crap. i'm going to need a loan off my mother.

i felt kind of used by the time we left, everyone kept sucking up to me to steal my smokes.
after i got back from buying cigarettes i was just hanging with everyone else for a bit, then i had another drink and i was just fucked. i lied down on one of the beds and ended up throwing up, but someone had put a towel there for me so it only went on the towel. i was so glad i threw up, i ate way too much yesterday.

a few hours later i woke up, with no idea what had happened. it was around 3:30 am. juleyin was asleep in the lounge room on the floor, zane was on the couch and georgia was in the bed next to me. i got changed into my spare clothes, took my extensions out and tidied everything up and then tried to go back to sleep. didn't happen.
i then got dressed again and re-did my makeup and went out. i went for a massive walk around the whole of kirra/coolangatta, and watched the sun rise. when i first left i went to get a pie and it was really good, and about ten minutes later i wanted to puke.

when i got back to the apartment (i was so shocked i got the right floor and room number i nearly forgot), it was about 6am. juleyin was in my bed and didn't even seem to care that i had been gone. i got into bed with him and he kept asking me if i went to the toilet, lol. i wish he cared more if i was out on my own for three hours, like shit i freak out if he's gone 20 minutes.

i went back to sleep and got up a few hours later, with a huge hangover. that's usually a sign it was a good night. we went down and bought bacon and eggs for everyone but we were the only ones that had any. i had one egg, a tiny bit of bacon and some yoghurt with muesli. eating makes me feel so sick immediately after now, i don't know what it is - whether it's psychological or if something is actually wrong with me. hm.





before we left. i also got a blood test done yesterday so that's why there is a bandage on my arm.



georgia, she was really nice.



zane and me looking really fucking creepy



me "rocking mikey's hat"



juleyin and zane



this photo was actually an accident but i really like it for some bizarre reason. while i was out on my walk.