holyyyyyy fucking shit

just found this tumblr post i did when i was in hospital at the start of the year. this shit's crazy man.
i don't use tumblr anymore and haven't for months so this was like on one of the first pages.

"So here I am, in the hospital I was born in.

It’s really quite bizarre, I’ve never been in hospital except for the time I dislocated and broke my wrist.
So basically, I have a haggard bout of pneumonia, a chest infection and an ear infection. I was admitted yesterday afternoon, with no warning. I was at the doctors and they sent me straight here! Had to go buy pajamas from target across the street. Last night was pretty rough. I got a really bad temperature, and had to be put on the nebulizer twice because I couldn’t breathe. Juleyin surprised me and came to see me when he heard though, which was amazing. I honestly love that boy to death. He was here again tonight, came up with my mother and brother. The nurse was checking my heart rate and asked him if he could help me get it a little higher ;) Haha! We had maddddd cuddles in my hospital bed and played with all the toys because I’m in the children’s ward. OH, forgot to mention - I’m the only one in the entire ward! Apparently kids don’t get sick anymore. So I’m left to play with all the toys on my own. So fucking keen. The etch n sketch is my favourite so far. Drew Juleyin tonight c;
But medically, I’m still, well, shit. I’ve had like fucking four litres of saline in my IV which makes me need to pee 24/7, plus tonnes of antibiotics - both orally and through my IV. And I have an oxygen tube on because I can’t breathe. My right lung is shot all to hell, and it doesn’t take a doctor to know why. This whole experience has made me think about my lifestyle and the choices I make.

What have I done to myself?"

got me thinking.

i haven't made any changes. lol.
i quit smoking for a week or two after i got out of hospital cause it could like, potentially kill me if i did lol, but then i started up again.

i might quit again soon if i can.
but i'm lazy and a stressed person, i probably won't.

my appearance

hate it, hate it, hate it.

i know that's everyone's job but seriously, i hate that i hate it.
i understand that i'm pretty, i'm not one of those girls who call myself ugly when i'm clearly not, there's just a lot of things i'd like to change.

first things first, my hair.
i am fucking hating it at the moment, everyone says i look way better with dark hair but i think i look weird and mainly just boring.
like here's a photo of me with dark hair;



and here are some photos with me wearing a blonde wig;





like seriously, i think i look so fucking boring with dark hair.
i am going to go blonde and get permanent hair extensions.

i am also going to get more facial piercings.
unfortunately this probably won't be happening until my birthday in february, my mum hates piercings and i won't be legally allowed to get them on my own till february (my sixteenth birthday).

 

what else can i complain about?
i have no style. the end.

omg me blonde haha

found some old photos from around the time of my most previous post, and one random photo of me with really short, brown hair. in order from oldest to most recent.

ps lol check out the gashes in my wrist in some of these photos.