i am no slut

and i'm fucking sick of people thinking i am.

i'm an open person, so i can talk about sex to people.
the majority of my friends are guys because most girls i try to be friends with always end up being bitchy and disown me, or they'll be particularly boring and won't want to things i like to do.
because in my spare time the main things i do is drink or smoke up with friends (most of those friends being guys) then i'm automatically labelled a slut.
and i'm comfortable in my own skin, so i can be naked around people, like getting changed in front of people or playing strip poker at parties.

i hate that people, mainly girls, think of me as someone with no self respect. i wish i could be one of those people who say they "don't care what other people think" but i fucking well do, but by the same token i will not change myself to please other people.
it makes me so upset. i hate people, i just want to be able to be myself without being judged and labelled.

brisbane and the holidays.

very happy and excited that the holidays are here!
the last week or so of school was very stressful, what with the assignment i had due ~ but i got it done and it's seriously the best feeling in the world. i basically have no work to do over the holidays and i couldn't be happier!

because of this, and the fact i only work thrusdays and sundays, i absolutely want to get away for a few days.
i had planned to go this week but of course i got my period, so i'd rather go next week. i have no idea where we'd stay though..
i think it'd just be juleyin and i, i asked him to see if we could stay at his cousin zane's house, but he's not sure if there's any room there. iunno, i'd just love to spend a night or two out of tweed. i really need it.

other priorities for the holidays are:
- my piercings.
ok i'm so pissed off on this topic. when school went back last term i came to mum with tonnes of good results and said i wanted a piercing because i clearly deserved it. my grandparents were trying to find a new house at the time and she said when everything has settled down. i later revisited the idea, and she said we'll wait till my half yearly exam results come back. then when they did, (and i got really good results) she said in the holidays.
i'm freaking sick and tired of it. i tried to bring it up last night and she ate me alive. i was devastated and got so upset.
i honestly don't understand my mother when it comes to me getting piercings. she let me get my septum and my tragus done about a year ago, but now she won't let me get any more when i just wanted some piercings in my belly, as opposed to the "bull ring" she let me get through my nose
i don't know. i don't think it makes sense.

i know a lot of people think i must be stupid, needing my mother's approval for piercings, but i like to respect her wishes when i can and she's really particular with things like this. but when i turn sixteen in february next year i'll be doing whatever i want as far as piercings and stretchers go, so merh.
i just don't want to wait till then to get piercings that aren't even that bad.
there's a "2 for $50" piercing special going on at the moment and i really want to get my reverse navel and my tongue done, but i don't see mum letting me. this makes me incredibly sad - i hate that i only have seven piercings now. i've taken a few out now...

- another thing i have to get done these holidays is my room. i plan on going through my plastic draws and my bookshelf, and throwing out all my old crap that i have. it's going to be hard, and it's going to take forever.

i want it to be next year, stat.

entry #1

i'm over this fucking shitcunt town. and truth betold i'm over my friend circle too. everyone's a mess, i'm a mess. everyone likes to pick on people for the sake of it, and then if someone stands up for them, they pounce on you.
people suck, school sucks, i'm miserable.
i bought my laptop 3 days ago, i couldn't be happier it's the biggest reward for saving half my money. there's a million things i need to do, i'm all over the place. but at least school will be over in a few days. couldn't be happier about that.

miserable.

so so sick of this!
every day, i basically want to die. i'm not sure when my life became so pointless and irrelevant, or when i lost my ambition, but this year has been a total disaster and i'm ready for the next chapter to begin. i want to move houses, i need a bigger room, bigger bed and new things.
i want to be in senior school, study things i like and actually have priorities. legit i get no enjoyment from any of my classes, except maybe ist - but they're all so gay and boring and uninteresting to me. i should just start getting really grilled before school so it's at least a little interesting.
mostly though, i want to be 16. i'll be earning more money per hour, and i'll be receiving youth allowance off centerlink. with more money, i'll be able to get the things i want quicker, and save more. i'll also be able to get all the piercings i want which is a giant and wonderful thing. and, my mother will have no excuse to not let me out whenever i want. and i'll be driving. watch out pedestrians!!~

i suppose i'm just sick and tired of being so goddamn depressed all the time. i know i'm putting a lot of pressure on next year to be amazing, but more than anything i just want this year to be over.

need to dye my hair

so badly! seriously. today i was so close to buying dark, natural blonde hair dye just because i'm so fucking bored. not only is this hair colour dull and boring, but it no longer matches the colour of my extensions and i need to dye both of them. i really, really want permanent extensions but they're just so expensive and i'm not sure if i could afford the upkeep. maybe in a few months i could think about it again, or after i buy my laptop, but that won't be till towards the end of the year.
i am working on managing my finances better, but it is proving difficult. i guess i just have to learn to not buy everything i want. i really don't want to buy anything at work tomorrow, i want to buy some bed socks but that's all.
omg i need money.

today i went shopping at robina with my brother just for really something to do. i bought a couple of things but i'm glad i did, i was feeling very sad today and shopping always cheers me up. i bought a lovely bra for $8 which was awesome, a whole lot of gum because i never seem to have any/have enough, a good pair of joggers for the gym, some hair ties and a little bottle of olive butter for my dry hands. the olive butter was a dollar from kmart, i might go back and get a whole bunch if it's good.
anyway, i spent a lot more than i had intended to, but that's something i'll just have to work on.

vv the new bra i bought today. lately i've been wearing my red bandanna and red lipstick, this seemed fitting.