entry #2

you're still numero two.

MONDAY.
first day at school in like literally a week. i hate it, i hate it, i hate it. i have to complete a history assignment and a "prejudice" story by the end of the term, fairly sure. i really need to talk to my teachers about those.
but school isn't important. not to me at the moment, anyway.
two weeks holidays after this week - fuck yes.
i want to go away with juleyin in the holidays. maybe go and stay in brisbane at zanes.

[[[[[PERSONAL SHIT I CAN'T POST ON MY BLOG]]]]]

i really want to stay at his with juleyin for a few days and we can all party together in brisbane.
i think it would be mad and exactly the kind of thing i need.
zane must feel so good about himself, knowing everyone wants him.. can't imagine what that would be like.

journal

is finally finished. thank god, i hate un-personalised things.
this is what it looks like.

finished journal. with Marilyn Manson lyrics and tonnes of stickers, i'm happy.

i'm very happy i've started using a journal again, i need something that i can write in that i don't post online. there's so many thoughts that i have that i could never post, too many people would be hurt, too much shit would be caused.

i'm still going to post the entries from this journal onto my blog, but leave out the really personal things. because this journal is actually just an A5 visual art diary i can also draw in it. i'm also collecting lots of cool stickers to fill it with, stickers are actually the best thing in the world to me.
but yeah, because it's a visual art diary i also use it to draw my tattoo designs. i can't draw so they're not too good, but when i finish some i'll take photos and post them.

today for this journal i bought some really cute fairy stickers, one of which is on the front and there was also lots of cute flowers and fairy wands on the sheet, so now i have some of them too. i also bought some rhinestones that i was going to put on the front but i was sadly disappointed, they were iron-on rhinestones. so i'm going to use them on the denim vest i'm currently personalising and on some other clothes i want to do up. but the thing is, they didn't come with any instructions and i'm not sure whether i just iron them on like normal iron-on patches or...? if someone could comment with any advice i'd greatly appreciate it!
i also bought some cute pink muffin stickers, they're meant to be put on the walls but they work just as well on books etc.
n__________n
then mummy bought me the new, good coloured pencils i want and a cute pink pencil case. this is for my tattoo designs, they're going to be very colourful and i need good pencils to illustrate this.
i am VERY pleased with the things i have bought today. means i get to cross lots of things off my list down there VVVV.

~irrelevant small things~ i need to buy.

there are a lot of things that i really want and need to make me content right now.

i need some things to do up my journal, so far this is what it looks like.

haha, the stickers on the top say "MOTHER CUNTING TIT FUCK"

vans sticker and one that says "hardcore" aha

"stoner boner"
lettered stickers are the best thing that's ever happened to me.

so anyway, that's how it's going. but i need to buy:
- silver rhinestones to put the word CUNT in the middle
- pink muffin decal stickers to go above the rhinestones
- other cool stickers online to fill the book with. c:

i actually love stickers that much, i feel like a little kid playing and it makes me so happy, they make my st00f look cool.

i also need/want to buy~:
- creepers. i forgot how fucking cool they are and i want cool shoes to wear when i like go out etc. my vans will always be day-to-day shoes but i want something to wear when i go out shopping somewhere out of tweed or something.

-  team sheen shirt. to be blunt, i fucking love charlie sheen and i need a shirt soooooooo badly. srs. i need one.

- a good belt that can attach belt buckles. i have found so many cool belt buckles, thing is ~ i don't have a belt that can change buckles lol. as a matter of fact i don't have any good belts at all at the moment, my friend borrowed mine and i never got it back.

- septum ring. the one that i have now used to be a beautiful metallic navy blue, now it's faded to a gross metal colour, it's not even silver it's just a weird faded colour. i'm going to just buy a nice silver one this time.

- iron-on patches. i bought a really cute button up tee for three dollars, but it's a plain pale blue because it was for children's school uniforms and i want to cover it with cute iron-on patches and do it up. i think it could look nice. i also want to use them on a denim jacket.

- monte marte 24 pack of coloured pencils. we have them at work for $10-something and i get a 20% discount. i need good colours to work on my tat designs, and i don't really have any good quality ones anymore.

- pencil case. i also need something nice and cute to hold all my coloured stuff, my everyday pencil case just has pens etc in it and it's tiny.

- more skin coloured stockings. mine all have ladders and look ridiculous.

- denim-patterned vans. super cute. something to wear with dresses. this isn't a very high priority on this list.

- denim jacket. sorry for being such a "trend follower", i need one to cover in buttons, iron-on patches and other cool shit.

entry #1

i'm over this fucking shitcunt town. and truth betold i'm over my friend circle too. everyone's a mess, i'm a mess. everyone likes to pick on people for the sake of it, and then if someone stands up for them, they pounce on you.
people suck, school sucks, i'm miserable.
i bought my laptop 3 days ago, i couldn't be happier it's the biggest reward for saving half my money. there's a million things i need to do, i'm all over the place. but at least school will be over in a few days. couldn't be happier about that.

bought said oversized handbag!!!

for $40!! like what the shit man, that's crazy.
the way i see it i just saved myself $160, i was looking to pay $200 and this bag was far nicer than any of the ones i've seen anyway. it fits all the criteria. it's huge, i can fit bucket loads in there, it has lots of compartments and it stands out. it's black but it has a giant decal flower on the front. it will make so many outfits instantaneously stylish. go daisy ;)
also i can take it with me when i'm going out for the day and night, i could fit  a pack of clothes for the next day and a singlet or jumper to sleep in etc. i'm so excited, i want to go away and use it lol. in the holidays n_n

i'm thinking that we go away in the first week, and party tonnes, then the second week i can get my piercing/s and do my assignments, because i can't drink with new piercings.

anyway, i am extremely happy with the purchases i've made this week, the next thing on my list would be my soundwave revolution ticket. i'll give like $20-$30 a week to mum to pay her back for it, and we really need to get it this weekend because i'm terrified they'll sell out and i'll be left miserable for not seeing Whitechapel live. i cannot die until i see them, T.Mills, Suicide Silence and The Black Dahlia Murder live.

anyway, here's the bag: i think it's wonderful and i have to take care of it because i want it to be an accessory as well, not just something to hold all my shit and get thrown around.

to do list:~

- get extension on history assignment
- do history assignment
- wax eyebrows
- finish english "prejudice" story
- change subjects
- bleach spare extensions that i don't wear
- wax eyebrows
- cut toenails
- paint nails
- paint toenails
- tat designs

ok i need to do these all really soon. i realise most of them are irrelevant little things but i work best when i work with lists. i want most, if not all of these done within the week.

i definitely need to get my english story done and submitted by the end of the week, same goes with my history assignment. fuck this shit, i don't want to do either of them they're so boring and gay. mainly the history one. like basically, i don't give a fuck so stop trying to woo me with your sexy muscles and baseball tees. (i have the hots for my history teacher ~lawl~~)
i also need to change my subjects or i'm screwed.

as for the rest of the list, it's mainly beauty-orientated so i want to get that done for the weekend. even though i'm not doing anything. fuck. -____-

saturday i have to go out to my nan's house because they're moving monday and i won't get a chance to say goodbye to my childhood home otherwise because i'm working sunday. and then obviously, i'm not doing anything on sunday because i'm working so i'm all bored and lonely all weekend yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. :l
then monday i have to help them move in. i hate it, i hate that they're moving but they have to, they lived too far away from us (or anyone for that matter) and if something happened they need to be closer to us.

i suppose tuesday will be my first opportunity to go anywhere or do anything. i'll see if juleyin wants to go away with me the first week or second week n_n

 

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

so i'm pretty happy that i got my laptop~

now i can blog a LOT more, plus i can do it on the computer which means i can update my background and theme etc, and i don't know it's just going to be quite beneficial for my blog.
also now i can afford some other things, and i can begin saving for other things!
i have a list of big things that i am saving up for, they are: (in order of importance)
- laptop  ($550 on my part)
- good oversized statement handbag (looking to spend around $200)
- soundwave revolution ticket ($175)
-  high-resolution camera, like a really good one. (looking to spend around $500)
- ipod classic ($300)
- a new really good quality loud ipod dock
-  micro-bead permanent extensions ($300)
-  double bed (a few hundred)
- double mattress (A LOT LOL)

as you can see i'll be saving for a long time but i just need to sort out my priorities and i'm confident i can purchase every single thing on that list. i am so unbelievably proud that i bought a laptop after only saving for a few months. and within the next few weeks i'll be going on a plan with the BlackBerry Bold, i think it's around $50 a month which i'll be able to do i'm sure. i know a lot of people don't like blackberry's, they think they're bad technology and will be outdated within a year (or at least that's what my boyfriend thinks) but i honestly love them to death. before i got the phone i have now, (the motorolla TX5, an android phone) i had the BlackBerry Curve. it was my most loved phone that i've had yet, and i do realize how retarded it sounds but i was honestly attached to that phone. i was on it constantly and it got me through a lot of bad situations that i ended up in last year. i loved the software and i literally despise touch phones, so i was very angry when i had to get the phone i have now, and blackberry's are the few good phones left that aren't touch screen. the phone that i have now has a few cracks in it, and i would care more but i honestly hate it so it's just more of a reason to get rid of it. i've told my boyfriend he can have it when i get my new phone because he is locked into a contract with a phone that broke and can't be repaired, so he's been using a really shitty one.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway.
so i'll be getting my new BlackBerry within the next week or so, just as long it takes me to use up the credit i just bought i suppose. i hate wasting money. then that will be two technology based things i've just rewarded myself with, omg think of all the blogging and tweeting i'll be doing when i have a phone i actually like.

so with this statement handbag that i want, EOFYS or end of financial year sales are happening very soon and i'm hoping to pick up a really nice, oversized handbag that stands out compared to the dull things that i usually wear, and i'm hoping to get it a bit cheaper than they usually are. if not i'm fine with that, if i can't afford one that i like i'll put it on layby and pay it off over time, i love saving purely for the good feeling you get when you finally pay off the thing you've been saving for.
here are some pictures of handbags i found on google, i like them but i think i'm going to have to search high and low for the right bag. it has to be perfect, and massive, and have lots of different pockets and compartments, and be out there. preferably a different colour, like a bright red.

I GOT MY LAPPYTOP AND I COULDN'T BE HAPPIER

this beast is hot.

[caption id="attachment_221" align="aligncenter" width="300" caption="webcam is pretty shit, but we're cute."][/caption]

hair

i don't know what to do with it!!
being boring is pissing me off, but i suppose that's what happens when you've got a job. shqigvakbaoscs@+@ and i want more piercings.
so the other day i bleached some parts of my hair, just a few foils. they went orange as expected, so i put a turquoise colour through it and it turned out a green colour that i actually liked. last night i re-bleached those parts and they're still orange/yellow! can't believe it, i really didn't think i had that much colour build-up. so i put the blue through again it's now green again. the second bleaching actually did damage my hair a bit so i'm going to wait a while before redoing it.
i'm not too worried though, it's in the underlayers of my hair so you can barely see it and it actually looks pretty nice.
eventually i want to have white through my hair. i want other colours in it too but i'm not sure what and i need to work it out before i kill my hair for no reason. i wanted black and white but i'm not sure where the parts will be, i'll google some images and see.

lol fuck google, nothing good on there. i've decided to keep putting big foils in my hair, and get them really blonde before i put the next lot in, it's going to take fucking ages but oh well.
last night i was wearing a blonde wig of shawna's, it looked so cool and made me 100% certain i'm going back blonde. it's going to be difficult though. my hair is naturally dark and i have dark colour build-up.
ugh wish i could stay happy with one hair colour, i just want long, healthy hair.

but i'm so over dark hair!

i am also saving up for micro-bead hair extensions, like the permanent ones. they're $300 so after i get my laptop then it's another one of my priorities. but i want my hair to be blonde before i get them, i don't want to bleach the extensions.

so productive today!

ok so today i went to school, as per usual it was shit. but today is wednesday (sport day) so i get to leave at 12 o'clock. c:
i got the bus to tweed city, and then walked down to my gym (about a 5-10 minute walk).
i did a really good work out today, consisting of:
- running for 15 minutes, burning 75 calories and running about 1.5 kms
- rowing for 1km
- cycling for 1.6 kms
- my ab exercises in reps of 15
- inner thigh machiney-thing

i wasn't too worn out but i felt great for going because i haven't been in ages plus my self body image has been even more horrible lately.
i've also started doing 80 sit-ups every night before bed, i hope it helps because my stomach is my main insecurity.
then i walked back down to tweed city and met mum and did the grocery shopping with her.

now i'm at home and because i finally have some time on my hands i'm putting those foils in my hair that i've wanted for ages. i'm a bit peeved off because the developer i use with my bleach isn't too strong which is good, but i'm not sure if it'll go blonde. i don't want to have to wait a week with orange hair and bleach it again or some bullshit.
anyway, with my hair i'm slowly going white, so i'm going to start with some blonde foils in the right side of my head, (that's where the foils i have in now are) and then i'll make them white, and i'll gradually keep putting more white in my hair. i'm not sure if i want it white all over but i'm making my way there anyway.
when i can afford it i'm getting permanent extensions also, i'm sick of my clip ins and i think they'll just look nicer.

below is a photo of me currently, with my sexy, sexy foils that will turn orange.

extra money, extra purchases ★

ok so today was a public holiday and i was working which means double time and a half.
i worked 5 hours today and that means an extra $95 pay this week, yay!
because i've made basically double i'm going to save double.
i'll be getting paid around $196 on friday, so i'm going to save $100 of that. that will leave me with $96.
$6 goes to my gym contribution, obviously leaving me with $90.
then i need to buy credit, which makes my leisure total $60.
i want to buy some merch online and then save absolutely as much as i can. i want my new piercings soon, plus End Of Financial Year Sales are on very soon and i need money so i can look out for good specials.
i need to do better than this week, only decent thing i bought was a t-shirt for $30 and all of my money is gone.

dear assorted people who have no relevance in my life:

stop trying to control me.

what, you think you know better than me? i know myself, i know my own story - how about you?
stick to your own business, nosey little pricks.

school is no longer important to me~~

legit.

i have decided to become a pot head and stop trying.
not really but maybe then i won't be so motherfucking stressed every second of every day.
i've had so many exams, and assignments, and everything in between over the past few weeks.
i'm such a mess every day and i can't take it. it's all school and home issues.
we also got our subject selection sheets etc yesterday, i told my mum what i wanted to do and she raged at me saying they were shit subjects and i won't make it to uni. i couldn't stop crying.

i want to do:
- drama
- advanced english
- modern history
- software design and development
- textiles + design
- biology

i am very happy with these but upset that i won't get any free periods.
there's so many other classes that i want to do but they don't count towards an ATAR so there's really no point in me doing them.

can next year just come now?

merch~♥☆♡★

is my new addiction.
my most treasured thing in the world.

i always yell at juleyin because he's addicted to looking at cars to buy online even when he can't afford some, but now i've found my addiction. i can't stop looking at all this amazing merch and how i want it all. i get to work this monday as it's a public holiday - (fuck yes double time and a half!) and with my extra money i am definitely buying some baseball tees and whatever else i can afford. i'm so keen.

miserable.

so so sick of this!
every day, i basically want to die. i'm not sure when my life became so pointless and irrelevant, or when i lost my ambition, but this year has been a total disaster and i'm ready for the next chapter to begin. i want to move houses, i need a bigger room, bigger bed and new things.
i want to be in senior school, study things i like and actually have priorities. legit i get no enjoyment from any of my classes, except maybe ist - but they're all so gay and boring and uninteresting to me. i should just start getting really grilled before school so it's at least a little interesting.
mostly though, i want to be 16. i'll be earning more money per hour, and i'll be receiving youth allowance off centerlink. with more money, i'll be able to get the things i want quicker, and save more. i'll also be able to get all the piercings i want which is a giant and wonderful thing. and, my mother will have no excuse to not let me out whenever i want. and i'll be driving. watch out pedestrians!!~

i suppose i'm just sick and tired of being so goddamn depressed all the time. i know i'm putting a lot of pressure on next year to be amazing, but more than anything i just want this year to be over.

friday the 3rd of june.

i.e. yesterday.
it went splendidly! i had my final exam, science, and i actually didn't find it difficult at all. i finished sooooo early and had to kill about 40 minutes so i drew on a piece of paper and wrote t.mills and jeffree star lyrics all over it. picture is down tharrrrr ↓
i could not be happier. i should get some of my results back by next week, yaaaaaayy. if they're good, hello piercings! (they'll be good, it's kay guys ;D)

i'm getting my reverse navel but i just really hope i'm allowed to get my tongue done. probs not.
mufti went lovely, i felt super cute - i had a red, white and black theme going on.

we skipped last period because there was no reason to go to science after a two hour science exam, and ayla had left so i'd just be lonely basically. so we went to tweed city early, and i got my vans!! they were $10 cheaper than i thought, which was awesome because i then had extra money for the night. then zac took me home, i love him so much we never hang out anymore but lately we have been, i've missed him so much he's actually the best person to be around and we have so much in common, we just get along really well. always have.

then i spent god knows how long looking at merch online and have decided i need some whitechapel shirts and i also need a nice band jumper. if i ever have spare money this is what i'm spending it on. here's some of my favourites that i found: this Miss May I hoodie, this baseball tee, another baseball tee, this Whitechapel jumper, and this amazing Whitechapel zip up,.
fuck, i want them all so bad and so much more.

then i finally got ready and my brother dropped me down to juleyin's and we walked over to the restaurant. mostly everyone was there before us so at least we weren't waiting for ages.
i ordered a chicken tostada for dinner, it was so yummy and it didn't feel too rich or bad for me. it was pretty fresh, actually. i was so happy to see rhi as well, it totally made my night. i love her so much and i hadn't even seen her since she got back from america.

then when we were leaving the restaurant something really weird/scary happened. juleyin, josh, luke, rhi and i were walking through the fire exits of showcase and then we got to a door that was jammed. it was the only way out so juleyin had to kick it open. a security guard was on the other side when we got it open and as soon as he saw juleyin he grabbed him and started trying to "rough him up". i was so scared and the security guy was yelling at us so loud and swearing more than i bloody do! he kept trying to hit juleyin and he was just like 'uh what the fuck?' luke, rhi and i were out side and the security guy was in the fire exit with juleyin and josh, then he turned to me and said 'don't you go anywhere you little cunt' i was beside myself, he was literally the worst person i've ever met. then luke just grabbed me and said we had to run but they'd be fine. i was so scared about juleyin but we ran, and a few minutes later juleyin called luke saying they got away and to meet them at cold rock where the others from dinner were. i ran up to juleyin and his mouth was bleeding - that cunt had punched him in the face and there was a massive gash in his inner lip, srs you have no idea how deep it was! i felt so horrible, but i was very proud of him for sticking up for us. the security guard also started punching josh in the stomach, chest and back when he was doing absolutely everything he asked. ugh i was so mad and wanted to kill that guy.

so we got some icecream and went to todd's for the party. juleyin went with hayden and i went with zac. i hadn't planned on drinking but people kept feeding me shots and i ended up pretty drunk, but i'm so proud of myself i didn't mix drugs and alcohol i stuck to one, that's the reason i always get so fucked up - i'll already be drunk and then someone will give me weed.
then after a while hayden drove us back to my house, it was only a bit after 12 when we got home and mum asked me to be home as early as i could so i'm very happy about that. i also took my makeup off and brushed my teeth before i went to bed even though i was sooooo drunk, so proud!!

this morning i woke up at like 7:30am and couldn't get back to sleep for some reason. i was so shocked i didn't have a hangover, and then i realised i was still drunk - hahaha! i drank lots of water and watched skins with breakfast. then juleyin got called into work and i've been doing chores since then slash writing this!

here's some photos of my drawing after my exam, what i wore to school yesterday, what i looked like at dinner and assorted photos from the party and dinner.

my beautiful boyfriend!

can't believe how lucky i am to have him. it's our one year anniversary on sunday night, and we're going up to surfers to have a beautiful, fancy dinner and then go for a stroll and get icecream n_n
don't laugh at me, i love sunsets, chocolates, red wine and all other things corny. i'm a hopeless romantic!
i wasn't when juleyin and i first started dating though. i was all creepy and damages, but i love him so much, and he's seriously all i want in a partner. i hope we stay together for a long time, i don't know what i'd do if we broke up. once i finish my hsc i just want to move to brisbane and live with him and brodie.
and helllllloooo uni! ♥
here's some photos from the other night when he stayed over haha :3

tomorrow

is going to be the best day! so many good reasons why too ;)

ok, obvious reason; it's friday ♪♪♪♪
it's also mufti, which is lovely because i never get to feel pretty at school and it'll avoid me having to get changed afterwards ♡
it's also the last of my exams. i'll post about how they're going a bit later.
it's also payday, which means i can buy my new vans that i've been waiting for eeeeeee! ^-^ ★
then i get to dress up, go out to dinner and then party afterwards! sooooooo keen!

kay here's the plan.
go to school looking cute (i'll probably post a picture tomorrow and let you know how my day went), then do my two hour science exam (ew), then science last period (how ironic), then go to tweed city.
trust me, there is nothing and nowhere i hate spending time more than tweed city, particularly since i started working there - but they have a city beach there and i want my vans.
then i'll get some cash out and raceeeee back to the bus stop and hopefully get home relatively early. i'll then relax, and get ready for dinner. i also must remember to paint my nails and moisturize.
then i'll either catch a bus or get my brother to drive me to juleyin's house around 6 o'clock. we're meeting everyone at the aztec for dinner at around 6:30, and we'll just walk there from juleyin's - it's literally down the road.
then after dinner we're going for desert at cold rock (an icecream place), and then off to todd's for the after party! if it's not too late we can get a bus there, if not juleyin's dad can drive us.
i'll have basically $00 so i don't know what i'm supposed to do for drinks or smokes.
also, mum seems to think she wants to pick us up from the party but i want to be there for quite a while and she doesn't get that, but she better.

i'll try my hardest to take many photos tomorrow/tomorrow night.

omg me blonde haha

found some old photos from around the time of my most previous post, and one random photo of me with really short, brown hair. in order from oldest to most recent.

ps lol check out the gashes in my wrist in some of these photos.