body image and self-esteem

my weight is getting larger and larger and my self-esteem is getting beyond minuscule.
i've been eating worse than ever, my skin is breaking out because of it, i'm a stress eater and i've been so wrecked and lazy i can't stop eating bad food.
and then after everything that's happened the past two days.. i just want to sit in bed and cry for a few days.

i have never felt worse than i do about myself right now. i always thought of myself as one of those people who call themselves fat because they're just unhappy with their body, but know they're not really fat. then i saw photos of myself etc, and really looked at myself, and i can't believe how truly disgusting i am. i want to be so ridiculously thin that i look sickly, i want my boobs to disappear and i want to be able to see every bone in my body.

i went for my first gym session today and will be going absolutely whenever i can, but that will make me healthy. not stick thin.