the future

is always so fucking close ahead! it's terrifying me, and i want it so badly but at the same time i need more time.
i have no idea what my life will be like next year.
i think it's fairly safe to say that juleyin and i will still be together by next year, and that's where it starts to get complicated. he has no idea what he wants to do when he leaves school, but he knows that he definitely wants to go to uni. there's a high probability that he will move back to brisbane for this, and get a house with his best friend, brodie. i always said i wanted to move in with them and do my hsc up in brisbane, but i somehow don't think that will happen. i want to focus all of my attention on my studies, and even though i'd have the opportunity to go to a better school up there, i don't think i'd be focused living with the two funniest men alive. also, i'd be the most homesick bitch in the world.
but i'm not sure if juleyin and i could survive that long distance again.
i suppose we could take turns going up or down and staying the night like we used to, but it would be so hard, going from seeing him everyday to that.
if we can stay together for another two years (which i sincerely hope so because he's the most amazing man i've ever met and never want to lose him), then i'll be moving to brisbane after i finish my hsc and will live with juleyin and brodie while i am at university. this is my plan, at least. it would be so perfect and i seriously hope so dearly that this all works out.

juleyin is the first person i've been with that i can realistically see myself being with for quite some time, and the amazing thing is that it could very well happen. it's our one year anniversary next sunday, i'm so happy and so excited and vow to make our next year a whole lot better and easier.

i'm just hating year ten something fierce. it is actually the most pointless year, considering that everyone has to stay till they're 17 and i'm going on to years eleven and twelve anyway. the only subject i'm really struggling with is math. i'm in advanced and i'm fairly sure i've failed every test this year. i'm paying $50 a week for tutoring which is helping, but it's not like i'm not trying to do well. i have an exam tomorrow which i'm certain i'll fail but i've been studying for hours, regardless. then all of next week i have exams. they're going to be so difficult and i'll probably fail the math one, but it's ok i'll still pass as long as i don't get any n awards. which i won't because i'm a good student, i'm just naturally bad at math.

sigh, only half a year left of this utterly pointless grade.