back to blonde

*QUICK APOLOGY*
over the past few weeks i have been insanely busy - i have been going out a lot, away on camp for a week, started year 12 and in general just being a lazy motherfucker when it comes to my blog. hopefully i can find some sort of motivation considering the amount of school work i have actually been doing as of late. if i can study i can blog, right?

this post should probably have come sooner as i have been back blonde for a while now, but regardless, i am actually incredibly happy with my hair for once. i have received so many compliments, and i actually feel beautiful for the first time in a long time.
i feel like myself again. (◡‿◡✿)

depression/weight loss issues

i am just miserable, all the time.
and it's not even like i'm doing anything about it. one day i'll feel wonderful because i won't eat much or i'll eat healthily and the next day i'll get high and eat my body weight in fucking chocolate.

my depression also seems to be back and i've lost all motivation and i've lost everything that made me happy.
work has also been terrible lately and i've been having the worst few days of my life. the other night juleyin and i went out for dinner to try to cheer me up, i still felt horrible. i was quiet and upset the whole night, then when we got home (to juleyin's) he had a massive go at me for "treating him like shit", when i was just quiet because i was so sad.
he ended up getting high and i got drunk, still didn't help.
the past day or so have been a little better, but still quite awful.

yesterday juleyin took me on a surprise picnic because we had to cancel our shopping plans, and i hadn't eaten all day and i was feeling so wonderful and skinny. it was about 2:30pm and i ate a lot of brie and stuffed peppers on crackers. it wasn't even that bad because it was all 50% reduced fat but fuck, immediately afterwards i thought to myself "how great would i feel right now if instead i just drank a whole bottle of water".

i am also hypo-glycemic which is the reason why i get the shakes if i haven't eaten or if i have too much coffee and don't eat. so i was thinking i could buy some barley-sugar lollies to suck on. i'm not concerned about the sugar in them, in fact that's why i need them. to keep my blood sugar level up without having to eat. i'm excited to try this theory out, i'll buy some tomorrow and not eat all day and see if i get the shakes. tomorrow i am going to brisbane so that will be good. i will get a bubble tea for lunch because they fill me up anyway.

i am writing this post from home, i have been working all day and got home an hour or so. today was the longest shift i've ever worked, i just realised. i'm glad i working all day thursday instead of thursday night.

today i have eaten: a steak burger my mother gave me for lunch. i'm sort of happy with that, i wish i had eaten some nuts or an apple or something but my mother made it for me and i couldn't just like, throw it out. i think dinner is soon, i will just aim to eat as slow as possible. i.e. not much.

after work today i got changed because i wanted to do some shopping, and then realised i hadn't been paid. i got all dressed up for nothing.



taken when i got home, i was wearing an oversized, long-sleeve black shirt and stockings, as well as my platform sneakers. the whole five minutes i was out wearing this i could just feel everyone's eyes burning holes in my thighs. i was just thinking how good this would look on a skinny person.



as you've probably realised, i have a new thing for black and white photos.



i just think i look nice in this one.

back to black :-)

very happy with it! my hair also feels really fucking healthy after i dyed it, for some unknown reason.
here's some pictures i promised.









i really am happy with how it turned out :-) i've also decided to start wearing all black again, for a while i didn't ~ don't know why i was changing myself but i feel a lot more comfortable like this and even though i don't feel like i look pretty to the strangers eye, i feel good within myself, i feel more like myself.
below is a photo of what i wore today, my boyfriend and i were meant to shopping but he got called into work so we just went for a picnic.





we just went to a little spot by the river in kingscliff, and got lost on the way home. i don't really like kingscliff that much, the only other time i've really been there i was with my ex boyfriend, and he left me in the middle of the town with no money and no idea where i was. plus i was 13 and barely ever caught busses so i didn't know what to do.

 

hair - update and plans

tonight i dyed my hair all black again. it's getting a bit healthier, (slowly), but i'm happy with it as it's grown a fair amount.

i really want to stay dark for as long as possible. i'm sure my hair will thank me in the long run and i look so much better with dark hair! i want to order some new, longer extensions as soon as i have the money to, and hopefully that's in the near future. the only thing i don't like about my hair at the moment is how short my fringe is and how my extensions are so thin and short. i'm way too excited for new ones.

i'm rather proud of myself for leaving my hair alone for as long as i have. i've gone at least two months without dying (bleaching) my hair, the only thing i've been doing is re-dying the green that was in it and re-dying the black because it fades so quickly on my dead hair.
though, for the past few weeks i haven't even been bothered about doing the green, it's just been some shitty ugly grey colour. (grey sounds nice but this was just weird). so lately i've just been washing it, treating it and then putting a leave-in treatment in as well as using argon oil on my ends, which has helped so much!!!

there's seriously nothing i love more than hair treatments and face masks and manicures/pedicures, i'm such a girly girl and i love it. i love being pampered, one day i want someone to take me to a spa or something where i can feel wonderful all day.



my routine for my hair every three days or so ~ shampoo & conditioner for my damaged hair, protein treatment that i leave in for around 15 minutes, then after i rinse that out a leave-in, creamy treatment; and then when my hair is almost dry i put the argon oil treatment all over my ends, which really helps. sometimes if i use too much my hair can feel greasy but at least it's getting healthier n_n

wish me luck on letting my hair grow and stay healthy !
i'll post some photos in the morning of my new hair.

xoxo~ ☯☯☯

dyed my hair black!

so happy. i miss having dark hair and i think it looks quite lovely to be honest. i think i am getting some caramel foils put in it tomorrow, if not it's ok i can wait, i love the colour it is now.
today was bit of a rollercoaster. i slept in which was soooo good, (i wasn't at school because it was the athletics carnival) and then lazed around and got ready to do some shopping with mummy, i was really excited to have a girly day with her. first we got some cold + flu tablets from the chemist and mum's makeup artist lady said that we look really similar, which completely made my day. i love being told i look like my mum, i think she is the most beautiful woman on the planet and aspire to be like her in any way i can.
then we went to sussans looking for a new handbag for mum. i saw the most amazing handbag of my life. it was massive and leather and red, and words cannot describe to you how much it suited me. i'll post a picture down there vvv. anyway, i was going to put it on layby, plus it was only $70 which is crazy fucking cheap for a good handbag. then i somehow ended up convincing mum to buy it for herself and now i'm really sad because i was in love with it and wanted to save for it and it would be my reward. mum said i can borrow it though, i might take it when i go to brisbane, whenever that is. i've been needing to go for ages and everyone is always busy so no one will come with me. /hinthint to anyone who actually reads my blog (i.e. no one).
i'll dress up cute in red and white and take the bag. it's massive too so it could be good for if i'm going out and staying somewhere. but i still want a really nice, red leather bag. i've wanted one for ages. so i'm going to go up to robina/pac fair soon and look in big expensive handbag shops and layby a really nice statement bag. retail therapy is my favourite thing in the world.
then after mum bought the most beautiful bag in the world we went to priceline and bought my hair dye. we got dark brown and then bought mascara. after that we met up with juleyin for lunch. though by this time it was like, well after 2 o'clock. we went to a fancy place for lunch and mum and i shared 'grilled chicken, salad, sweet chilli and mayonnaise on toasted turkish bread'. doesn't sound that nice but it was divine, so good in fact we made it for dinner tonight. then juleyin and i went back to his house, cuddled for a good 40 minutes then decided we should probably go to my house and do our hair.
we got to mine and i did juleyin's hair first. I put his colour in and then dyed my extensions. his only had to be left on for ten minutes so after that i rinsed it then gave it a good hack. baby has been asking me for a haircut for weeks but i never have time. anyway i finally did it, i took a fair bit of length off, thinned it and gave him choppy layers all over. then i washed my extensions out and put a treatment through them. then i rinsed all the loose hair off juleyin's head and put a treatment on his hair too. while we were letting the treatments set in i put my colour through my hair. then i rinsed and dried juleyin's hair and did the same for my extensions. then juleyin had to leave and go to work. ten minutes or so later i rinsed my hair, then treated it, then dried it. i put my extensions in and omg. i love my hair dark. gonna put some blue in again when i get some blonde in it.

SAVING FOR:

a thousand things simultaneously.
so i earn $100 a week unless i pick up extra shifts, which never happens.
i save $50 of that every week and put it into my separate account that i don't touch. this is savings for my laptop. i need my own one soooooooo bad, and mum says she'll put in a few hundred for an early christmas present. so i want to save up around $1000ish.

aside from that, i'm also saving for a few other things with my remaining $50 p/wk.
well every week i have to give my mum $6.50 because my gym fee is $12.50 a week and we go halves. then, if i can but usually don't because i'm a shitcunt, put away around $10 a week for my credit.
then with the tiny amount of my remaining money for the week i'm trying to save $50 for a pair of vans (mum is paying the rest), $20-30 for moroccan oil for my hair - a product that will help get my hair healthy again, and $50 for piercings. once i have the money i'm allowed to get some, pretty sure.

/NEEDSEXTRAMONEY

lol. had to highlight the word sex.
~~♥♥♥♪

you love me.

beauty products i want!

omg so many. next week i want to save as much money as possible but i want to definitely buy a lovely bath set with some lotions etc. i need to take more care of my skin in winter. i already have super sensitive skin and i have lots of allergies and get all kinds of rashes if my skin doesn't stay hydrated or comes into contact with certain things (eg hairspray). in winter my skin is already dry and i have to pay special attention to my hands in particular. every night before bed i put lotion on my hands and it really does make a difference. i also want to stop letting long pants get the best of me. because it's winter my legs are almost always covered by jeans, track pants or tights and because of this fact i never seem to shave my legs anymore. my poor boyfriend.
but because of this, my legs dry out. i only seem to moisturize my legs when they're smooth because otherwise they feel gross to touch etc and this means they're nearly always dry. so i will attempt to shave more regularly and, In turn, make my legs smooth. i also REALLY want to buy that new dove 7 day moisture cream. i realise it won't last a week but i think it would be heaps good. i'm going to try not to buy too much with next weeks pay, at least now i know the gym has a scale i don't have some cos they're expensive. just gonna buy some lotions etc and a compact mirror for my makeup purse, i'll buy some stickers from work and cover it and make it cute. i want to know where i can buy marijuana stickers. anyone??? might have to even order some online.
i'm glad i didn't buy that hair dye the other day. i think i might finally be getting my foils done on the weekend, but i don't know if i should dye all of my hair the one colour first?
anyway, wish me luck.

hair products

because i don't dye my hair every third day like i used to, there's not too much i get excited over with my hair. but today i bought new repairing shampoo and conditioner, butter repair mask and heat protectant spray. i got so excited i like rushed home so i could wash and treat my hair.
i've also been wearing my hair differently lately. i've started wearing my extensions again but i also cut them and my hair, and wear it differently around my ears now. it's hard to explain, i'll upload a photo soon. man, i need these foils. dying of boredom.