nothing and everything

i realise i haven't been blogging very often as of late - mostly because i thought i had nothing to blog about.
but then there's so much that goes on in just my every day life that i don't write down, because i think it isn't relevant.
just then i realised - i don't even give a fuck.
this blog is for me and me alone, i just like when others read it. it's just my way of documenting things, letting things out and sharing with the world my interests and thoughts.

today is saturday. this morning i bleached my hair, cleaned my room really well and then met up with stormey at tweed city because she finished work at 2:30.
i actually love storme to death. all of my good friends are males and she is the only female i can actually stand, and the only one i truly enjoy hanging out with. maybe not the only one, but she is friends with my friends and enjoys doing the things i do, and she is just really cool. we both have never been to sport on thursday afternoons for school, and most of the time we just get a bus or a lift into coolangatta and storme gets new piercings. i want more piercings, so bad. but mum wouldn't let me, i haven't asked but things with us are so shit lately, she treats me like an imbecile and is hesitant of letting me go out for some reason. so i don't want to start shit when i don't have to.
i am enjoying this weekend because i have been sober and at home for the majority of it, but at the same time i hate it.
i need more motivation to do things. at least i bleached my hair today, and i only cleaned my room because mum said i had to before i went out. this week i want to go to the gym, take photos, wax my eyebrows, give myself a manicure/pedicure and stretch my right ear. i could have done all of that last night and today but i have no motivation, when i am at home i never do anything. i also think i am an alcoholic, i swear to god. i am craving a drink so badly.
i wish i could drink at home, and smoke, but i'm also glad i can't - otherwise i would probably be drunk every day.

which brings me to another topic - drugs.
i have only ever done weed and speed, and i used to be stoned alllll the time. there are huge gaps in my memory from last year because of it. i remember one holidays i was stoned every single day and after two weeks my boyfriend and i could not remember a thing.
anyway, my point is that i hate smoking weed now.
i got high at school the other week, i don't even know why i was having a cigarette and someone passed me a joint. the whole time i was just wishing i was sober, i spent most of the next period outside the classroom sleeping. i felt horrible and tired and ugh, how did i used to function while high?
i only like the thought of smoking weed, not the act itself. or if i'm about to go to sleep that's wonderful to just chill out - but i can't stand being stoned in public.

i'm not sure what the point of this post was, i just wanted an update on my life, my everything.

entry #1

i'm over this fucking shitcunt town. and truth betold i'm over my friend circle too. everyone's a mess, i'm a mess. everyone likes to pick on people for the sake of it, and then if someone stands up for them, they pounce on you.
people suck, school sucks, i'm miserable.
i bought my laptop 3 days ago, i couldn't be happier it's the biggest reward for saving half my money. there's a million things i need to do, i'm all over the place. but at least school will be over in a few days. couldn't be happier about that.

friday the 3rd of june.

i.e. yesterday.
it went splendidly! i had my final exam, science, and i actually didn't find it difficult at all. i finished sooooo early and had to kill about 40 minutes so i drew on a piece of paper and wrote t.mills and jeffree star lyrics all over it. picture is down tharrrrr ↓
i could not be happier. i should get some of my results back by next week, yaaaaaayy. if they're good, hello piercings! (they'll be good, it's kay guys ;D)

i'm getting my reverse navel but i just really hope i'm allowed to get my tongue done. probs not.
mufti went lovely, i felt super cute - i had a red, white and black theme going on.

we skipped last period because there was no reason to go to science after a two hour science exam, and ayla had left so i'd just be lonely basically. so we went to tweed city early, and i got my vans!! they were $10 cheaper than i thought, which was awesome because i then had extra money for the night. then zac took me home, i love him so much we never hang out anymore but lately we have been, i've missed him so much he's actually the best person to be around and we have so much in common, we just get along really well. always have.

then i spent god knows how long looking at merch online and have decided i need some whitechapel shirts and i also need a nice band jumper. if i ever have spare money this is what i'm spending it on. here's some of my favourites that i found: this Miss May I hoodie, this baseball tee, another baseball tee, this Whitechapel jumper, and this amazing Whitechapel zip up,.
fuck, i want them all so bad and so much more.

then i finally got ready and my brother dropped me down to juleyin's and we walked over to the restaurant. mostly everyone was there before us so at least we weren't waiting for ages.
i ordered a chicken tostada for dinner, it was so yummy and it didn't feel too rich or bad for me. it was pretty fresh, actually. i was so happy to see rhi as well, it totally made my night. i love her so much and i hadn't even seen her since she got back from america.

then when we were leaving the restaurant something really weird/scary happened. juleyin, josh, luke, rhi and i were walking through the fire exits of showcase and then we got to a door that was jammed. it was the only way out so juleyin had to kick it open. a security guard was on the other side when we got it open and as soon as he saw juleyin he grabbed him and started trying to "rough him up". i was so scared and the security guy was yelling at us so loud and swearing more than i bloody do! he kept trying to hit juleyin and he was just like 'uh what the fuck?' luke, rhi and i were out side and the security guy was in the fire exit with juleyin and josh, then he turned to me and said 'don't you go anywhere you little cunt' i was beside myself, he was literally the worst person i've ever met. then luke just grabbed me and said we had to run but they'd be fine. i was so scared about juleyin but we ran, and a few minutes later juleyin called luke saying they got away and to meet them at cold rock where the others from dinner were. i ran up to juleyin and his mouth was bleeding - that cunt had punched him in the face and there was a massive gash in his inner lip, srs you have no idea how deep it was! i felt so horrible, but i was very proud of him for sticking up for us. the security guard also started punching josh in the stomach, chest and back when he was doing absolutely everything he asked. ugh i was so mad and wanted to kill that guy.

so we got some icecream and went to todd's for the party. juleyin went with hayden and i went with zac. i hadn't planned on drinking but people kept feeding me shots and i ended up pretty drunk, but i'm so proud of myself i didn't mix drugs and alcohol i stuck to one, that's the reason i always get so fucked up - i'll already be drunk and then someone will give me weed.
then after a while hayden drove us back to my house, it was only a bit after 12 when we got home and mum asked me to be home as early as i could so i'm very happy about that. i also took my makeup off and brushed my teeth before i went to bed even though i was sooooo drunk, so proud!!

this morning i woke up at like 7:30am and couldn't get back to sleep for some reason. i was so shocked i didn't have a hangover, and then i realised i was still drunk - hahaha! i drank lots of water and watched skins with breakfast. then juleyin got called into work and i've been doing chores since then slash writing this!

here's some photos of my drawing after my exam, what i wore to school yesterday, what i looked like at dinner and assorted photos from the party and dinner.