bits and pieces

today is ANZAC day. this doesn't hold much relevance to me, i am thankful and all that but my family doesn't really do anything special to celebrate. this morning we went for brunch at my nan & pop's house, it was nice and i am happy because i didn't eat a single thing.
afterwards we came home and then went off to the shops because i needed a few things - i am off to biology camp tomorrow morning and would not have gotten another chance. i bought a new memory card for my digital camera so i can take it to camp with me, comfy underwear, new foundation and lip gloss, slippers and the cutest white beanie.
a lot of these items weren't even for camp but i just couldn't resist. it was just my mother and i when we bought these too, i love spending time with her.

i was looking forward to camp but now i am uncertain. i have been feeling plain horrible today with no reason why. i had an awful dream, which didn't start the day off well, and i have had excruciating pains in my stomach for days now. i also had to take painkillers this morning, which did not sit well with me. i hate pain medication after all it put my body through.

anyway, because of camp i won't be updating for a few days, but (if i get service out there) i will be posting on twitter, which you can follow here if you'd like :-)



beanie!



smile smile, medusa wants to hide behind septum



new foundation and lip gloss :-)

tidying, sorting, preparing

today i have spent the day cleaning up my room, sorting through all my pointless crap and preparing for the new term at school. i actually love cleaning, it's so refreshing and gives me a sense of renewal. when i have more time i would like to actually throw out a lot of my crap that i have no use for any more, but most of it is just really sentimental to me and i find it hard to get rid of things like that.
i had a lot of fun cleaning my desk and dresser up, i got to find old diaries that i want to write in again, lots of stickers etc and i really enjoyed sorting through all my body jewellery.
i really do miss a lot of the piercings i used to have.. mainly my nose and tongue and all the piercings up the sides of my ears. so i have decided that i am going to get the other side of my nose done to the side i used to have, and i am going to get venoms on my tongue so i don't risk getting it re-pierced where it used to be. i am also going to get more cartilage piercings up my ears. :-)
anyway, where was i going with this?
i was sorting through my body jewellery and i got a bit carried away.
i put two old 14 gauge rings through my second and third piercings in my right ear above my stretcher. kind of hurt a little bit, haha. i also changed my right stretcher to a 20mm jewelled steel tunnel - and changed my left lobe to an 18mm skull plug i had. i want to change my medusa from a black ball to a silver ball but the septum ring i currently have in is black and it would look funny with black and silver.
when i have some spare cash i am going to buy a silver crescent pincher and stretch up my septum. i have already stretched it from 16 gauge to 14 gauge, and i am going to buy a 12 gauge crescent so i can have my septum at 2mm. i don't want to go any bigger than that though.
below is a picture of some silver pinchers, like the one i'm going to buy.



when i get this pincher i am going to change my medusa ball to silver so it matches.




this is the jewellery i currently have in my medusa and septum, 16 gauge in my medusa and 14 gauge in my septum.




current right ear



current left ear.


excuse the terrible quality of photos, these are from my cell phone as my memory card for my digital camera is currently broken.

~daisy

i want to be a more social blogger

but am finding it ever so hard to find blogs to start following/commenting on etc!

whoever reads this, send me a comment with your url so i can start following you and checking out your posts!

here, have a webcam selfie of me.

sarah's 18th - dress up party.

sorry this post is rather delayed, my laziness has gotten the best of me lately i'm afraid. last saturday night i went to the first good party i've been to in quite a while. my friend Sarah had just turned 18 so we had a gathering at a friends place. there was an actual DJ which made the whole atmosphere a lot better, and there was excellent company there. it was themed - dress up as a character off a movie. i went as Kayako from one of my favourite horror film series, The Grudge. i didn't have much time with my costume but i was happy with the result. the story goes that Kayako is brutally murdered by her husband while she is wearing a white night gown, and in a lot of scenes in the movie she is wearing this night gown, and it is covered in blood. i attempted to recreate this by buying a cheap satin gown from a thrift store and covering it in fake blood.

above is an image of me in my costume with my friend Liam. unfortunately the only photos i got from this night are bad quality, oh how i wish i had a decent camera. hopefully by next year.

one of my best friends, Josie, who was dressed as Ariel from the Little Mermaid.

group shot ~ Sarah as a bumble bee, myself, Josie and Maddy as Sailor Moon.

on the way home in the taxi we stopped in at maccas for some drunken cravings and binged on a double cheeseburger. ultimately, it was a good night and i am glad i went.

moving on

same old, same old. this is all too familiar to me, everything is simply a repeat. i try to say i'm unhappy with the routine but last time i tried to change it i also tried to end my life. i don't understand what i am meant to do, where i am meant to go or where i am even headed.

things with my boyfriend are currently quite fantastic, he makes me happy and really does treat me well but i need to make sure i don't lose myself or my independence in this relationship like i always seem to do. i think things will work out for the best.

in almost every aspect of my life, things are getting back to normal. i feel this is a good thing but it also terrifies me, it's like nothing has changed and i haven't gotten any better, i'm just starting to move on from the hurt. i saw my GP today, and we had a good, long chat, and it really made me think. he was saying i need to start treating what goes on in my head as a disease, and not a weakness. but really, everyone has some degree of shit they go through, some degree of pain and suffering. it almost seems juvenile to go on about it like it's a serious problem. i'm happy to not change anything and to continue on the way i'm going, i'm happy not caring and just drifting. but there i go again, saying the same shit and changing my mind and regressing every time something goes the slightest bit wrong in my life. i am currently on easter break away from school, but once we go back i am hoping to god i have the strength to turn things around. i need to try and focus again, get organised. i also need to try to see the bigger picture, because when i do, all of my "issues" seem quite redundant.

these holidays i have a few things i want to do. i want to get my learners licence - mainly because i know this time next year i will be kicking myself if i don't get it now,  i want to get fit and i want to cut down on smoking so much. also, i want to spend more time with my girlfriends. i honestly hope i find the will to get these things done, everything sounds great in theory but i have next to no motivation and things just get harder the longer i put them off.

if my fear has kept me here, only my fear can set me free.

alterations

in desperate need of new piercings, bigger stretchers and tattoos.

unfortunately i'm at a loss as far as money goes. nevertheless, tomorrow i am getting my medusa pierced! i am unbelievably excited. i have been re-scheduled twice already so i am trying to not get too excited in case it doesn't happen for whatever reason, but my luck can't be that bad can it?

my appointment is in the afternoon so i will call around midday to confirm my appointment and how much money i need for it. zaccy is coming with me, thank god. i'm scared but mostly excited. i am also a little concerned that my septum might knock my new piercing. i have recently stretched it to 14gauge and the ring is a big bigger, and the ball sits exactly where my medusa is going to be. i may have to buy a small 14g horseshoe but i don't know if i have enough money for that.. i eventually want to stretch my septum to a 12 or 10 gauge with a silver crescent-type pincher.

here is a picture off the internet of the size my septum is and where it will sit near my medusa.

i also recently upsized my right lobe to 20mm. unfortunately my left isn't ready to go up to 18mm yet so i am left with one 16mm and one 20mm. this annoys me so much. this means i also need to buy an 18mm squishy so my ear will stretch even if it's not ready, because i usually just wait-stretch (wait until i have enough room to put a bigger stretcher in painlessly). so that's another thing i need around $10 for. not working is killing me but i am nowhere near ready to start looking for another job.

tattoos have also been on my mind a shit load, but being broke and under 18 makes that very difficult. i know quite a few people who would tattoo me but i am terrified of home jobs, like legit terrified. i know i have my shitty home job cross on my toe but that is faded to all hell now, and i actually loved it when i first got it done. i would like someone to go over it soon.

i just want to cover myself in beautiful tattoos and be happy forever.

my shitty, home job..

zacc ♥

so on the second of march zacc and i started dating, i honestly couldn't be happier.
things are moving so fast, and i know it's so quick to be with someone new but honestly, why should i wait to be happy? as cheesy as it sounds he is honestly the reason i'm still here. after my overdose i had planned to try again as soon as i was discharged from hospital, but somehow he changed that. i may be judged for putting these thoughts and occurrences on the internet but i'm not afraid to admit what i've done, i'm not ashamed and i'm not scared of anyone's words, thoughts or opinions. only my own.

since i was discharged from hospital i have not spent a single night in my own bed. i have been staying at zacc's for about a week now, i just don't feel comfortable at home and things are so difficult - particularly with my mother. i don't think she is coping very well at all. i understand why she is so scared to let me out of her sight etc, but it makes recovering a thousand times harder and i don't need that right now.
i also have not been to school in a very long time. i tried to go last monday, and even though i only had one class - had a breakdown afterwards. i don't know what it is about school, the students, the teachers, the workload or the environment - but i just can't handle it just yet. i am going to be working on my assignments from home until i am ready to go back. i hope i am able to, but it's just hard for me. perhaps i might even end up doing my year 11 &12 at tafe.

zacc makes life easier, simple. even though we have been together for a very short time it feels like forever, i'm so comfortable with him and don't feel the need to impress him - i just have to be myself and know that he loves me for that. i'm trying not to get too attached in case things don't work out for the best, but it's a bit late for that. hopefully things don't end for a very long time, because he's just so fucking perfect and i don't know what i would do without him. he's already my whole world, been waiting for this for so long. (i've had a thing for him since i was 12 years old when we went to school together !)

don't fuck it up daisy, he's perfect and he wants you.