back on track

i have been meaning to post lately, (i have a few new things to show you guys), but unfortunately lately i have been feeling too insecure with my weight and appearance to be able to take photos, and hence, upload them.

this post is about my health/weight loss and my skincare.
honestly, i am loving the winter weather. i have very sensitive skin and the cooler weather has begun to dry my skin out, this is why i have started moisturising (with either my mango body butter from the body shop or a watermelon infused body lotion from fiji) every day/night after i shower. my skin is feeling wonderful, and i have actually received compliments on my skin since i have started doing this. it's a wonderful confidence boost.
my skin (on my face) has also been going very well. i have been moisturising like crazy on my face also due to the weather, and i have not had a single spot in weeks. for once i am very specific and careful to take my makeup off and clean my piercings before bed, no matter where i am. every night i use a special eye-makeup remover (for my sensitive eyes), then a neutrogena face scrub - and wipe off/gently massage with a warm face washer. i then use rose-hip oil (2-3 drops on a wet palm and rub together) all over my face and neck, followed by an organic rose hip moisturiser. i also use a hydrating face mask every 1-2 weeks.




webcam quality, (obviously no make up).
looking rather sullen & ill, but i think my skin looks fabulous.




image #1 - progress photo of my thighs, image #2 - cigarettes and mother energy drink (what i seem to be living off lately), image #3 - writing in bed cuddling my puppy, she makes everything better.

eating and exercising (over the past week or so) has been pretty topsy turvy. one day i am doing wonderful and the next i binge. i have done extremely well the past three days and i am high as a kite, must remember this feeling to keep me focussed.
i don't have much to say as far as my weight issues go because i am far too insecure about it. but anyway, there is a photo.

The ABC Diet - Ana Boot Camp

admittedly the title scares me a little - i do not have an eating disorder. i just hate my body with a burning passion and this has proved successful. i'm not sure if i'm even following it correctly, i'm just not eating.

the ABC diet is a 50-day diet which tricks your body into thinking it's going into starvation mode. each day you have a certain amount of calories you can have, ranging from 50 to 800. there are also  six "fasting" days where you consume 0 calories.

i have read that after the 50 days a lot of peple put on all of the weight again, but i'm just going to stick to it, or stick to eating the bare minimum. you don't lose weight and then expect to keep it off when you're not working for it.

i started this diet yesterday, the 16th of December, 2011.
my limit for yesterday was 500 calories ~ i consumed 501 in total and i didn't eat a single thing, just coffee and a low fat smoothie.

i also get the shakes if i don't eat (because my body sugar gets low very easily) so i also bought some barley sugar lollies, which are about 20 calories each and they stop me from shaking when i haven't eaten.

 

the 50 day calorie plan goes ~

Day 1- 500 calories

Day 2- 500 calories

Day 3- 300 calories

Day 4- 400 calories

Day 5- 100 calories

Day 6- 200 calories

Day 7- 300 calories

Day 8- 400 calories

Day 9- 500 calories

Day 10- FAST

Day 11- 150 calories

Day 12- 200 calories

Day 13- 400 calories

Day 14- 350 calories

Day 15- 250 calories

Day 16- 200 calories

Day 17- FAST

Day 18- 200 calories

Day 19- 100 calories

Day 20- FAST

Day 21- 300 calories

Day 22- 250 calories

Day 23- 200 calories

Day 24- 150 calories

Day 25- 100 calories

Day 26- 50 calories

Day 27- 100 calories

Day 28- 200 calories

Day 29- 200 calories

Day 30- 300 calories

Day 31- 800 calories

Day 32- FAST

Day 33- 250 calories

Day 34- 350 calories

Day 35- 450 calories

Day 36- FAST

Day 37- 300 calories

Day 38- 450 calories

Day 39- 400 calories

Day 40- 350 calories

Day 41- 300 calories

Day 42- 250 calories

Day 43- 200 calories

Day 44- 200 calories

Day 45- 250 calories

Day 46- 200 calories

Day 47- 300 calories

Day 48- 200 calories

Day 49- 150 calories

Day 50- FAST

Slowly return to a normal diet.

 

i have also realised that my first fasting day is Christmas Day. that won't happen in any way shape or form so i am going to fast for two days afterwards (or as long as i can) and then re-start my diet where i left off.

plan for the week

bit stressed, it's my brothers 19th birthday on wednesday and i haven't gotten him anything nor do i know how i'm meant to afford a present. spent most of my money from this week and i won't get paid before his birthday. #DILEMMAAA
i also don't know what to get him in the first place. i'm the worst at shopping for people.
so i have to find a present for him like, asap.

mum is going to call the gym tomorrow and see if there is still a 'no joining fee' deal going on. if not i'll either have to wait to join or pay mum back. but i'd really like to join this week. i've remembered just how much i hate tweed valley sport, so i'd like to leave every wednesday afternoon and go to the gym as well. that way i'd ACTUALLY be doing exercise and not be miserable. i hope i can join this week though, i really do.
i also need to eat healthy again. my period is over now and my chocolate cravings are gone, so my aim is to eat smaller, healthy meals.

on friday when i get paid i'm going to buy a set of scales and decorate them with pretty stuff. i want to weigh myself every day and my aim is to lose 5kg. i honestly think i'm so fat and i want to be stick thin. i also need to stop drinking, smoking and doing drugs so much, but it really is hard.

i got a few results back last week in relation to work i did last term and over the holidays.
i got:
13/15 in an english task
9.5/10 in an english assignment
38/40 in a science assignment.
i should be getting more results back this week for science and history, and when i do i'm going to take all these results to mum, and and tell her i deserve a new piercing. she keeps saying no because i stretch my lobes and she asks me not to, but i deserve more holes.