hate working, need money.

i fucking hate working, seriously considering quitting my job for no reason whatsoever.

i suppose i was just thinking about last year - having bright pink hair, getting drunk and stoned every single day, having no responsibilities and not giving a single fuck.
i miss that, y'know?

i just hate not being able to do things because i have work the next day or in the afternoon.

i'm just lazy, i'm just rambling.

but i need to work, i have so many things i need money for.
the most imminent on that list would be:

• asking alexandria/skyway/amity ticket ($50)


• those doc martens i saw ($250)


• and new hair extensions ($100ish)

extensions aren't that urgent but these ones are pretty much ruined, and i'll need new ones before the 4th of november,which is my formal.

i'm just a mess, about everything and every one and i don't know what to do and i can't bring myself to make my blog more organised again.

my "amazing friends" are not quite so amazing any more.

fuck, why can't a certain group of people just love me without something always happening?
or more, why is the entire population plain, bitter cunts?

i need someone new in my life

i am completely alone in the world.

my boyfriend is here but it doesn't feel like it, he has become so selfish and we never seem happy any more, we spend time together and i'll just be angry or he'll be rude and i'll cry but won't let him see because i'm too proud.

i suppose if he was gone things would be a lot worse

i just want someone to spend time with and take photos with and go shopping with and help me dye my hair and wax my bikini line for me and all the wonderful things girls like me do

made a tumblr.... again

i decided i don't give a fuck if i'm seen as a fail tumblr user, i just like all the images on tumblr and they inspire me to blog about things on here. tumblr is just for pictures, this is a real blogging site.
i'd never write about the personal issues of my life like i do on here.

and i disabled anonymous questions so i don't have that fear of abuse.

i'm enjoying the images and like that it looks pretty, omg it's like tumblr's myspace and wordpress is facebook.

 

but i will always love this blog to death, more than tumblr anyday. any. day.

bella maree wong.

our new baby :')

went to go see her on saturday, here are some assorted photos.



^mummy and bella :)











she is so amazing. she has a wonderful personality, she's so cuddle and floppy yet she's the littlest and most playful/active of the five babies.
she is 6 weeks old now and we are allowed to take her home at the 8 week mark. this will either be in the second week of my holidays or the first week back at school. i hope it's during the holidays. then i can spend the second week studying for my exams first week back at school and cuddling our new baby.

i had such a connection with her as well, mummy definitely chose the right puppy. she is 100% perfect, and definitely ours.

maybe she will bring what i've been looking for into my life, into all our lives. like if she was here right now i wouldn't feel so lonely and all over the place, she can watch tv with me and cuddle me and help me not be scared all of the time.

hair, of course

i am quite pissed off, to be honest. i'm pissed off at myself for never being happy with my hair, i wish i could just leave it alone, leave it black, but i just get too bored. the worst part is that it actually looks a lot better dark.
but blonde is fun, keeps me entertained and i think it looks alright, it will look better once i've gotten rid of the few orange bits at the back of my hair.
i want to buy some silver toner to put through it as well, i want to eventually get it silvery white, it will make it nice and even if it does wash out my face (being blonde that is) it won't matter because my hair will be a beautiful amazing colour. but it's weird you know, like everyone says it doesn't suit me because i'm so pale, but people like sophie suit being blonde - even white, and their skin is a lot paler than mine.
i don't even care really, it looks alright and i'm happy, my opinion is the only one that matters right?
here's some photos.



on friday night i /poorly/ learned to play guitar. bitches love guitars.





^ a photo of me on saturday morning, juleyin and i went to brunch with my whole family, this was in the car after we were leaving.



haha, we're cute. before i went to a "battle of the bands" on saturday night.

 

i think that once i get the orange bits to fuck off out of my hair, when i tone it and treat it i am going to mix a little bit of blue into the mixture. just a little. i still have basically a full tub from my birthday at the start of the year, and it would be good to just have a tiny hint. just enough that it's noticeable but not so much that i actually have blue hair. i think it will turn out good. i hope so. i might do it in a week or so, i just have to wait a while before i can bleach away the orange parts.

style evaluation

conclusion - i have none.

please allow me to change everything.
lately all i have been wearing is leggings, t-shirts and jackets. with either vans or boots.

this post isn't to rant about what i wear but i'm seriously so upset that i have no specific style any more. my mother constantly tells me i have my own unique style, but doesn't everyone? mine is just a combination of everything i find appealing, and most of the time it really doesn't go together.

i'm feeling lost, with everything. the way i look is a huge part of that, it always has been.
break up with your boyfriend, shave your hair. become emotionally deranged, become a weed smoking hippy.
i don't know why i'm even feeling like this, i'm not that upset or anything but i'm just.. lost. that's the only way i can describe it. i'm not feeling like myself and i'm feeling without purpose. my purpose used to be "helping people smile" or some bullshit, my old psychologist/rape therapist wrote this on a piece of paper after i told her this a few years ago, and it's stuck up in my wardrobe. it's complete and utter nonsense now, but i couldn't just throw it away.



i'd write what it says but i'm afraid i'm not quite comfortable with doing that.

where was i going with this?
i am always happier when i've been shopping, i always feel happy when i'm shopping, or when i've dramatically done something different with my hair, or with my room. i'm actually quite superficial. unfortunately my allergies have now prevented me from wearing any eye makeup at all, maybe that's contributing to the way i feel. i feel so fucking ugly without eye makeup on, i feel bare and boring and disgusting. and a lack of money has been why i haven't been really shopping too much. more than anything i fucking want a pair of doc martens, they'd go beautifully with my leggings that i've been wearing everywhere lately and i think they would look a little nicer than my leather boots i've been wearing lately. they look good, and i still love my boots, but they're not very edgy. edge is what i'm looking for, i want to feel and look different again.







today i am wearing my "om" necklace, my velvet shirt, leggings and my boots. feeling ok with what i'm wearing but ugh. my legs still look fat in these photos but trust me, they're fatter in real life.

this weekend (saturday) i am going to the valley and the city with stormey. i want to go to the markets and just get away from tweed. i hope i don't spend too much money, the next thing i'm buying (once i have the money) is a pair of doc martens.

please, let me save money. for my docs and for my camera.

 

 

and you don't have to say it, trust me, i know how pathetic i sound.