alterations

in desperate need of new piercings, bigger stretchers and tattoos.

unfortunately i'm at a loss as far as money goes. nevertheless, tomorrow i am getting my medusa pierced! i am unbelievably excited. i have been re-scheduled twice already so i am trying to not get too excited in case it doesn't happen for whatever reason, but my luck can't be that bad can it?

my appointment is in the afternoon so i will call around midday to confirm my appointment and how much money i need for it. zaccy is coming with me, thank god. i'm scared but mostly excited. i am also a little concerned that my septum might knock my new piercing. i have recently stretched it to 14gauge and the ring is a big bigger, and the ball sits exactly where my medusa is going to be. i may have to buy a small 14g horseshoe but i don't know if i have enough money for that.. i eventually want to stretch my septum to a 12 or 10 gauge with a silver crescent-type pincher.

here is a picture off the internet of the size my septum is and where it will sit near my medusa.

i also recently upsized my right lobe to 20mm. unfortunately my left isn't ready to go up to 18mm yet so i am left with one 16mm and one 20mm. this annoys me so much. this means i also need to buy an 18mm squishy so my ear will stretch even if it's not ready, because i usually just wait-stretch (wait until i have enough room to put a bigger stretcher in painlessly). so that's another thing i need around $10 for. not working is killing me but i am nowhere near ready to start looking for another job.

tattoos have also been on my mind a shit load, but being broke and under 18 makes that very difficult. i know quite a few people who would tattoo me but i am terrified of home jobs, like legit terrified. i know i have my shitty home job cross on my toe but that is faded to all hell now, and i actually loved it when i first got it done. i would like someone to go over it soon.

i just want to cover myself in beautiful tattoos and be happy forever.

my shitty, home job..

zacc ♥

so on the second of march zacc and i started dating, i honestly couldn't be happier.
things are moving so fast, and i know it's so quick to be with someone new but honestly, why should i wait to be happy? as cheesy as it sounds he is honestly the reason i'm still here. after my overdose i had planned to try again as soon as i was discharged from hospital, but somehow he changed that. i may be judged for putting these thoughts and occurrences on the internet but i'm not afraid to admit what i've done, i'm not ashamed and i'm not scared of anyone's words, thoughts or opinions. only my own.

since i was discharged from hospital i have not spent a single night in my own bed. i have been staying at zacc's for about a week now, i just don't feel comfortable at home and things are so difficult - particularly with my mother. i don't think she is coping very well at all. i understand why she is so scared to let me out of her sight etc, but it makes recovering a thousand times harder and i don't need that right now.
i also have not been to school in a very long time. i tried to go last monday, and even though i only had one class - had a breakdown afterwards. i don't know what it is about school, the students, the teachers, the workload or the environment - but i just can't handle it just yet. i am going to be working on my assignments from home until i am ready to go back. i hope i am able to, but it's just hard for me. perhaps i might even end up doing my year 11 &12 at tafe.

zacc makes life easier, simple. even though we have been together for a very short time it feels like forever, i'm so comfortable with him and don't feel the need to impress him - i just have to be myself and know that he loves me for that. i'm trying not to get too attached in case things don't work out for the best, but it's a bit late for that. hopefully things don't end for a very long time, because he's just so fucking perfect and i don't know what i would do without him. he's already my whole world, been waiting for this for so long. (i've had a thing for him since i was 12 years old when we went to school together !)

don't fuck it up daisy, he's perfect and he wants you.

UPDATE!

my "beautiful and amazing" boyfriend of two years broke up with me last week.
as such, i have been trying to fly under the radar while i am on suicide watch. i also drowned my sorrows with a new tongue piercing and spending all of my savings. i don't really want to delve into the details, but i do want to say that i think my mourning is over and i am prepared to start over, start this new life. because now that i am single i actually have nothing to do with my time and no one to talk to - hence, i am looking for new, interesting and wonderful people!
i want to focus on being the person i was when i met my now-ex-boyfriend.
i have also lost all the weight i put on while i was in the relationship. daisy is back!

i can't wait to show you what you threw away.

new school and weather conditions

i went for an interview on monday, and got accepted into the school i want to go to. the deputy was basically begging me to come to their school.
today (wednesday the 25th), was meant to be my first day but everything has flooded. this sucks. i am really excited but the only problem will be the travelling. i am now going to a qld school, and it has this awesome system where the seniors start at 7:45 monday to thursday and school ends at 3pm ~ and we get fridays off. i'm not sure how this will work for my thursday night shift, i may have to give it up, or start at about 5pm instead of 3pm. :/
though i'm not too concerned with that. i can tell them i can work all of friday, and if that's not good enough then i guess i will just have my sunday shift. i should probably look for a job at a place where i can work night times, like coles or woolworths. that would also be better pay.
because of all the rain and flooding today, i am just at home with my brother and bella. funny enough, my mother went to work and is now STUCK at work. i hope she can come home soon. :'( tonight i am meant to be going to a party in bilambil (which is on a hill), so i will still be right to go, but we will need to be careful when going there. i really wish i could get out of the house right now but i'm not that stupid.
while i have nothing to do today i am going to print off some images i like off the internet and attempt to sketch them. wish me luck !

if any turn out well i will post some photos at a later date.

room progress!

going so well!
i have my new curtains set up (which cost me 70 fucking dollars) with my icicle fairy lights hanging off them, my room is a lot cleaner, and as of yesterday i have my beautiful old school dressing table!
it's so wonderful. it was about $230 (a birthday present from mum) and it got delivered yesterday. and it's an antique! oh i couldn't be happier. it also has drawers so i can save a lot of space from that :-)

the only things i have left to buy now (as far as furniture goes), is a bigger bed frame and mattress and a new wardrobe. i'm not entirely convinced that i have to buy a new wardrobe, seeing as most places now have them in-built, and my current wardrobe is a hand made vintage one that used to be my mothers. she will not let me give it away/sell it so i really don't know what to do. it sucks though, because it is huge and takes up so much room in my tiny bedroom.
i might just do a massive clean out of all my clothes, and fit as much into my two sets of drawers as possible. then with the things i have to hang up, i might just buy a little clothes rack, kind of like you see in clothing stores. because if the place i move into has an in-built wardrobe that's fantastic, and if not i'll be set and won't have to take up much room :-)

ok i'm rambling. but point being, my room is feeling more and more homey every day.
i'll upload photos later when i get some good ones.

organisation and the week ahead.

i bought a yearly planner a few months ago and i intend on using mine this year.
recently i have been trying to plan out my days better, but it's not going so well. i always end up staying at someone's house out of a spur-of-the-moment thing, and my plans never stick and i hate it.
i think it will be better when i start school again. speaking of which ~ i need to apply for the schools i want ASAP!! if i don't this week i am actually fucked, and my mother will send me back to banora. i cannot go back there.
there are many reasons i need to go to a new school. these include:

• i like the qld educations system a lot better and would rather finish my education in a qld school


• i need a new start, sick of people's shit and sick of being bullied


• i need to meet new people. more than anything.

when i start school again i will begin planning my days out better and writing down details of which class i have at what time, what we did so i can revise and what homework needs to be done. i will be travelling a lot to get to school so i will hopefully be able to do my homework while on busses etc.
i am excited to get organised, and all i want to do is to get good results, be a good student/better person and get my shit sorted.
i am actually quite sick of doing nothing all day, every day. i'm sick of chain-smoking, eating so much, my fucked up sleeping pattern and all the drinking and staying out.
honestly, all i want is to start school and begin saving.
i went to centrelink with my mother today, and if i move out my mother no longer gets family assistance or her healthcare card - and without the healthcare card alone she will be bankrupt from all of her heart medications that are around over $50 each. so basically i can't move out for another two years. i suppose i am ok with this, there's no way i'd leave my mum out to dry like that and i have everything i want/need at home. it's scary how crazy i get without normal broadband internet or the comfort of my own bed or even my setup in my room, it's comforting. not to mention how dependent i am on my mum.
not financially, emotionally. she's the one person i talk to about everything. besides maybe elle, but i can always tell my mother anything and know i won't be judged.

tomorrow i am working from 3pm to 8pm, and after that i am going to a gig and then elle is staying at mine after the gig. these plans are set in stone, so i guess i can write them in my planner ;-)

xoxo

the future.

i've been thinking about moving out a lot lately. mostly about what i have to do in preparation for when i do move out. this includes:
~ buying new furniture and re-doing my room (new wardrobe, new bed & sheets etc, duchess/dressing table)
~ start saving so i have some extra cash when i move out
~ buy my camera and all the other things i'm saving for beforehand, because i won't be able to save much if i'm living out of home.

i was talking to my mother, and she made it clear to me that i will be living in this house until i move out. i had expected that as a family we would be moving soon, but then i realised that was counter-productive. then when i moved out my mother would have to move again, to get a smaller place.
so i have begun preparing. i am going to start by saving for my camera and furniture simultaneously, mainly because i can't decide which i need/want more.  i will be getting a bit of cash for my birthday which should help with my saving, (as long as i don't spend too much of it on shopping and my party). i'm also slowly getting rid of all the useless crap i have floating throughout my room. this not only includes old clothing and shoes etc that i no longer want, but also schooling stuff, and childhood memorabilia that i really must work up the courage to give away, or if i can't - pack it into some boxes and store it away.
i'm so incredibly happy after christmas, i have everything i need to be happy and continue living my life the way i want to. i have my doc martens (which i feel so comfortable in, and they're fantastic for all the hiking i end up doing at parties etc), my new gorgeous studded handbag (which can fit everything in it not to mention how in love i am with it), and i have new underwear and bras which i desperately needed.
this year will be a new beginning for me, i am going to focus more on myself and less on destroying myself. i want to focus on my art, my health and a healthy way of losing weight, saving and getting back in touch with myself.

i'm far too excited.

 

free resorts and brisbane mates.

so last night juleyin and i went around to kirra, to a place called Wyndham Vacation Resort.
juleyin's cousin zane and two of his mates mikey and georgia were staying at this resort because mikey's dad gets it for free once a year or something. it was pretty nice, we were up on the ninth floor with a beautiful view of the beach, and there was a lovely sauna/spa/pool area.

when we got there we started drinking, and i was drinking elevates. i had never tried them before, and a four-pack was around $13 which is pretty cheap, and that got me smashed. i was so happy to get really drunk again, it's been a while.
zane was complaining that he had no weed so i told him i had some, and then he said he had no spin, and i said i had some. he like killed me with a massive hug. i only had one cone, i was pretty drunk anyway.

i ended up going for a walk to buy more cigarettes, and now i'm wishing that i didn't because that was money my cousin gave me for me to go get her weed. which means i have to pay another $20 when i get paid this week for weed. i also need to buy a bottle of vodka, and juleyin's christmas present. and ayla's. crap. i'm going to need a loan off my mother.

i felt kind of used by the time we left, everyone kept sucking up to me to steal my smokes.
after i got back from buying cigarettes i was just hanging with everyone else for a bit, then i had another drink and i was just fucked. i lied down on one of the beds and ended up throwing up, but someone had put a towel there for me so it only went on the towel. i was so glad i threw up, i ate way too much yesterday.

a few hours later i woke up, with no idea what had happened. it was around 3:30 am. juleyin was asleep in the lounge room on the floor, zane was on the couch and georgia was in the bed next to me. i got changed into my spare clothes, took my extensions out and tidied everything up and then tried to go back to sleep. didn't happen.
i then got dressed again and re-did my makeup and went out. i went for a massive walk around the whole of kirra/coolangatta, and watched the sun rise. when i first left i went to get a pie and it was really good, and about ten minutes later i wanted to puke.

when i got back to the apartment (i was so shocked i got the right floor and room number i nearly forgot), it was about 6am. juleyin was in my bed and didn't even seem to care that i had been gone. i got into bed with him and he kept asking me if i went to the toilet, lol. i wish he cared more if i was out on my own for three hours, like shit i freak out if he's gone 20 minutes.

i went back to sleep and got up a few hours later, with a huge hangover. that's usually a sign it was a good night. we went down and bought bacon and eggs for everyone but we were the only ones that had any. i had one egg, a tiny bit of bacon and some yoghurt with muesli. eating makes me feel so sick immediately after now, i don't know what it is - whether it's psychological or if something is actually wrong with me. hm.





before we left. i also got a blood test done yesterday so that's why there is a bandage on my arm.



georgia, she was really nice.



zane and me looking really fucking creepy



me "rocking mikey's hat"



juleyin and zane



this photo was actually an accident but i really like it for some bizarre reason. while i was out on my walk.

re-vamping my room and motivation

i have decided to completely re-do my room this week, hopefully i have the time and the money. i mainly want to get piles and piles of my favourite images off tumblr printed, maybe down at harvey norman where they have really good quality printers. hopefully it won't be too expensive?
i also want to draw up my diet plan on a massive piece of paper and stick it on my wall so i never forget, as well as do lots of sketches of thin, beautiful women to keep me motivated.

i also really want to buy some sheer, black curtains to put in front of my blinds but i'm not sure if i'll have the money/find them easily. hmph. i might ask mum for a loan.

the main thing is that i want to put posters and pictures up all over my room, and also set up the fairy lights that i bought today.

i want my room to feel like home again.

brisbane trips

yesterday (friday the 16th) juleyin, brodie and i went to brisbane for the day. it wasn't as good as i had hoped, like it didn't really live up to the days i used to spend in the city, but it was still lovely and much better than being in tweed for the day. i think it wasn't as fun for me because i didn't have a girlfriend with me and i started my diet and was upset.

i had a bit of money to spend, and i didn't really spend that much so that made me happy.
i bought some makeup and makeup brushes,  a shirt, a $50 gift card for a christmas present and a cute canteen water bottle from sportsgirl.



brodie and i in the city <3 i love him.

 



what i bought, excluding the shirt.

 



said shirt.

hair - update and plans

tonight i dyed my hair all black again. it's getting a bit healthier, (slowly), but i'm happy with it as it's grown a fair amount.

i really want to stay dark for as long as possible. i'm sure my hair will thank me in the long run and i look so much better with dark hair! i want to order some new, longer extensions as soon as i have the money to, and hopefully that's in the near future. the only thing i don't like about my hair at the moment is how short my fringe is and how my extensions are so thin and short. i'm way too excited for new ones.

i'm rather proud of myself for leaving my hair alone for as long as i have. i've gone at least two months without dying (bleaching) my hair, the only thing i've been doing is re-dying the green that was in it and re-dying the black because it fades so quickly on my dead hair.
though, for the past few weeks i haven't even been bothered about doing the green, it's just been some shitty ugly grey colour. (grey sounds nice but this was just weird). so lately i've just been washing it, treating it and then putting a leave-in treatment in as well as using argon oil on my ends, which has helped so much!!!

there's seriously nothing i love more than hair treatments and face masks and manicures/pedicures, i'm such a girly girl and i love it. i love being pampered, one day i want someone to take me to a spa or something where i can feel wonderful all day.



my routine for my hair every three days or so ~ shampoo & conditioner for my damaged hair, protein treatment that i leave in for around 15 minutes, then after i rinse that out a leave-in, creamy treatment; and then when my hair is almost dry i put the argon oil treatment all over my ends, which really helps. sometimes if i use too much my hair can feel greasy but at least it's getting healthier n_n

wish me luck on letting my hair grow and stay healthy !
i'll post some photos in the morning of my new hair.

xoxo~ ☯☯☯

goals for the remainder of the year

the main connotation for this is to be more productive.
there are 48 days left of the year and i plan to make them count.

my first step ~

•  working more and getting fit.
  it's become abundantly clear to me that i have gained a substantial amount of weight. i now have a mass of 54 kilograms (kgs) or 119 pounds (lbs). how fucking disgusting is that. i used to weigh around 50kgs, which is still more than i'd like but i stayed that weight for a very long time, and it's not as if i'm still growing. i will be this height for the rest of my life, most likely. i always have this thing where i will stick to my diet and get all happy for a week or so and then i will relapse and binge and binge and binge. i have trained my stomach in the opposite way. i have been eating far more than i need to and now i get hungry and i get the shakes really easily, even if it's only been a few hours since i've eaten.
  my goal for the remainder of the year is to not eat less, but just eat healthy. and to get back into my regime at the gym. i want to go three times a week at least.
  i also want to begin working more. i only get two shifts a week and i have been telling my boss for weeks that i will be free and he almost refuses to give me extra shifts. i am going to go into work tomorrow and talk to the other manager who does the rosters and ask her for extra shifts. if a few weeks go by and i still haven't picked up extra work i will start applying at different places to perhaps start working a second job. i need more money and i need a reason to not sit at home every day doing nothing, because unless i have to get up early or do something with the day - i won't.
  ~


• saving more and spending my money more appropriately.
  like fuck, i'm sick of spending all my money from that week and and everything i saved from the week before. maybe i should just stay home when i'm not going to the gym or doing something productive like seeing friends or going out to buy a specific thing.
  there are so many things that i want and i need a lot of money for them, (most of them are online) and i spend so much money in real life on things that i really don't need. my only exception on buying things in real life is clothes. because i really need a new summer wardrobe and new clothes are cleansing and invigorating.
  so i really want to start spending less money, or mainly, stop going out as much on shopping days because i spend a shit load of money on food that i don't need and makes me fat, and i'm encouraged to buy shit i don't need. if it's not clothing or something cheap, i must not buy it.
  ~


•  lastly, motivation itself.
  there are so many things i want to do. and want to get back into. these include my art, making clothes, knitting and i really fucking want to re-arrange my room and set up a shrine-type thing, i have everything i need but i just can't be bothered to do it. i also need to do a big spring clean and throw out loads of old clothes.

day of shopping

best kind of day.
for me, at least.

today my boyfriend and i drove to harbour town, which is a big shopping centre composed mainly of factory outlets etc so things are generally a lot cheaper.
unfortunately we were driving up in his mum's car because she has borrowed his car for a few days ~ long story short it broke down and yesterday we had to drive to lismore to pick it up from the mechanics. everyone seems to hate lismore, but i think it's beautiful. maybe the people aren't, but i love all the old cathedrals and beautiful countryside that we drove past on our way there/once we got were there. my absolute dream is to live in a country town, in an old elizabethan country house with beautiful trees out the front with wonderful flowers and a swing attached to it. i would make my money off a little store in town that i owned that would sell things like clothing, ornaments, sewing/knitting utensils, candles/dreamcatchers etc and nic-nacs.

so anyway we drove up to harbour town, mainly because juleyin needed a new button up (business) shirt for his formal which is this tuesday.

after a few hours of browsing through menswear stores (omg most boring experience of my life) i was sort of allowed to "go off" and shop for myself ahah. my boyfriend is so cute when it comes to shopping for things he wants/needs. we both fight over where to go first.

so he bought his shirt and some cuff links, and i bought two pairs of shoes (all up $30) and a pair of high waisted jeans, a velvet jacket and a beautiful dress (all up $35) i'm the best bargain shopper.

- high waisted jeans.

high waisted jeans

jeans, further back

- business-like dress.

business-like dress

dress, close up

dress, different angle

- velvet jacket with metallic beading.

velvet jacket with beautiful beading, you can't see the beading properly because of the flash :-(

side view, my side-profile is just shocking

back view of the velvet jacket

- pointed flats with a slight platform. favourite purchase of the day.

favourite purchase of the day, slightly platform pointed shoes

better view of the point

- cream and beige floral flats.

floral flats

other view

omg i need to save, fuck!

fuck fuck fuck! why can i not have a thousand dollars right now.

like seriously, that's all i need. then i can buy my camera and the rest i can save for in a matter of weeks.
i currently have a rather expensive shopping list/list of things i want dearly.
not to mention christmas is coming up and i need to save for presents!!! :'(

ok, the list.

• a shit load of lace for my sewing


• creepers


• more funky sunglasses


• socks (just like mid-shin length)


• more skirts


• dresser


•  blonde curly wig


• 24" extensions because these ones are amazing but quite thin so i could make them long + short but thick if that makes sense


• fairy lights - i found them at work for cheap but they're multicoloured ones i just want white ones :-(


• over-the-knee socks, maybe with some patterns on them?


• and of course, my camera.

fuck, i need money! i hope i can get some extra shifts during the next few weeks!!

friday the 21st of october and saturday the 22nd.

yesterday was so good man. like, on so many levels.

on thursday night i had work, so afterwards juleyin picked me up and stayed at mine that night. on friday morning we got up and i cleaned the bathroom (like scrubbed it) and juleyin helped me tidy the rest of the house, sort of.

by the time we left it was like 12:30-1pm.
juleyin had to get a refund on his computer so we went there and while juleyin was arguing with the sales assistant i took a nice rest on a comfy chair.
then after harvey norman i went to a fabric shop :-)
i told juleyin if i have to deal with his boring shit he has to deal with mine. side note: there is a new "lincraft" opening at tweed mall soon, i am so excited i love anything to do with art and craft and i particularly love scrap-booking. i really need to get back into it.
while i was at the fabric store i picked up 62cm of studs on mesh, (i will write a separate post a bit later once the garment i'm making is finished), some lace trim for the neckline of this beautiful velvet dress i have, and i also got a lovely cross necklace. we were in there for at least 40 minutes and i have never felt more at home. i just can't wait for my final assessment to be over (it will be over by the end of this friday), and then i can focus a bit more on my sewing, my art and my blogging.

then we headed back to juleyin's and slept for about an hour and a half while we were waiting for elle to come into town. she called me a little later and told me she was there so we went and picked her up and went to kirra hill to start the bbq.



elle and i waiting for the others lol



me looking emo with a smoke and the pretty view behind me

~lots of pointless events happened~
oh and elle and i wrote a rap, it's mad. we are going to sing it when we audition for australia's got talent.

the bbq was good, no one was even drinking we were just eating yummy food, cracking jokes and lighting shit on fire. my kind of chilled hang between friends.

after the bbq we went back to jazmine and joel's house. ellen got food poisoning so we took her home, and that meant that i wasn't staying at her house.
jazmine went to bed inside pretty early, i think she was mad that we were all making noise because she had work the next day. i felt bad but she was inside and that was probably the best thing for her to sleep i guess.

as the night wore on it got to fewer and fewer of us and in the end it was me, joel, juleyin and zane. we did all kinds of random fucked up shit, mostly watching youtube videos and making jokes and taking shots.



lol joel putting eyeliner on and myself teasing my hair



the end result...

we also got tonnes of funny photos on joel's nikon, i hope he will upload them or give them to me sometime soon.
we have never really hung out before that night, he is quite a cool, chilled guy. and he kept calling me "effy" because apparently i'm awesome and up for anything. i feel so good about myself when people tell me i'm fun.

we also went on a massive adventure and did random shit like put those orange cones on the top of street signs...
i also lost my phone in a massive drain tunnel and it took us about an hour of retracing our steps to find it again. i was fucking freaking out man.

then when we got home joel and i smoked some hash and everyone else was just chilling. we were looking at the lazers and smoke machine for ages and i felt like i was one with the earth or some bullshit, i have not smoked weed in a very long time and i'm glad it wasn't a bad experience.

we all woke up between 8am and 9am, when we went to bed at around 5am. we jumped in the pool to get over our hangovers and it was the best decision of my entire life.

 



here is just a random photo of like my arm. idek i really like this photo for some reason.

matthew's 21st

was so good! omg! best night.

so last saturday at around 6:30pm juleyin and i got to pancakes in paradise in surfers paradise. (lol)
almost everyone else was already there, i knew virtually no one but didn't really mind because i was with juleyin. the waitor took like  forever getting our food, and then we had birthday cake (bad daisy), and chatted for a while, so we didn't leave till around 8:30-9pm i think? i'm not sure but it was pretty late.

we then went on a "scavenger hunt". i was in a group with adam, matt and juleyin. it was so much fun ~ i didn't think i'd enjoy it but i really did!
we had to collect and take photos of all kinds of crazy things, like a coin from the year 1990, a photo in front of an australian icon (we took a photo in front of a post card with koalas on it..), photo of us in a human pyramid, photo with a cop, photo with a meter maid.. things like that.
we lost by one point but that didn't really worry me.

then we headed up to timezone.
i've never really gotten into timezone parse, i just played a few games and got asian photos etc. but this time we got a $20 two hours of gameplay thing, and it was so much fun! i really enjoyed myself with all the games and it was so exciting winning tickets! with my tickets that i earned i also bought a little pink die keyring. (featured below)



after the first hour was up and we couldn't play any more games, we played bumper cars. it was most of the group and a few randoms. it was actually so hard to do haha, i got stuck and kept spinning in circles :-( i also got whiplash from the seatbelt when i kept getting rammed! it was so fun though haha.
then we played lazer skirmish, that was also fun but slightly more embarrassing, i felt like a dickhead when people saw me. luckily it was dark!

after that everyone sort of did their own thing for a tiny bit, i put $10 on my timezone card and we got asian photos from the booth. i need to get to a scanner and scan them so i can upload them! i look ugly but juleyin is cute.

 

hopefully someone will send me some of the photos from the night so i can update this post.

 

 

 

 

 

huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuur.

loving my hair at the moment, but of course i'm still not happy.

it's a lovely bright blue at the top, then fades to blonde at the bottom. so like opposite dip-dye.
going blonde again re-affirmed what everyone has always said and what i knew all along, i look way better with dark hair and being blonde washes me out. i look good with colours, though, which is why i'm blue at the moment. i'm really quite glad work doesn't seem to mind.

by the formal i want to have blue hair on one half and black on the other. i will start by getting some foils through my hair and my extensions :-)

i don't want to go fully dark straight away, or even half, because when you have black/dark brown hair after having bleached it so many times you can really see the dead ends, and all the little splits in each hair. it sucks. so i will keep treating it for ages (which reminds me i need to buy more treatment mask).
in a couple of weeks i will ask mum to take me to the salon. i don't know if i'll have much money to put towards it but i will try.
oh i love my mum and i don't even care i love that i live at home.

so yes, in a few weeks i'll get the black foils in the left side of my hair. the left side, because, it's a lot less dead and i like the blue on my right side. having a straight fringe will also make this look extra nice. i love symmetry. having permanent extensions would also be beneficial so i could part it down the back without seeing my clips, but i'll just have to deal with that.

in a few months or whatever i will have all black hair, and get permanent extensions because regrowth won't be a bitch like it would be with bleached hair.

i am excited to have dark hair again, it really compliments my face and makes me all pretty. only shit thing is that it's so boring and i just know after a few months of being dark again i'll be like "i miss being blonde i look so pretty blonde and it's not boring blah blah blah i'm going to bleach and kill my hair again now heheheh bye". that's actually what happened before i went light again this time -___-
i just hope before i do that again i come here and remind myself how i always regret it.

actually i always regret everything i do with my hair, in the long run. at least i seem to pull off everything i come up with.

hate working, need money.

i fucking hate working, seriously considering quitting my job for no reason whatsoever.

i suppose i was just thinking about last year - having bright pink hair, getting drunk and stoned every single day, having no responsibilities and not giving a single fuck.
i miss that, y'know?

i just hate not being able to do things because i have work the next day or in the afternoon.

i'm just lazy, i'm just rambling.

but i need to work, i have so many things i need money for.
the most imminent on that list would be:

• asking alexandria/skyway/amity ticket ($50)


• those doc martens i saw ($250)


• and new hair extensions ($100ish)

extensions aren't that urgent but these ones are pretty much ruined, and i'll need new ones before the 4th of november,which is my formal.

i'm just a mess, about everything and every one and i don't know what to do and i can't bring myself to make my blog more organised again.

i need someone new in my life

i am completely alone in the world.

my boyfriend is here but it doesn't feel like it, he has become so selfish and we never seem happy any more, we spend time together and i'll just be angry or he'll be rude and i'll cry but won't let him see because i'm too proud.

i suppose if he was gone things would be a lot worse

i just want someone to spend time with and take photos with and go shopping with and help me dye my hair and wax my bikini line for me and all the wonderful things girls like me do

hair, of course

i am quite pissed off, to be honest. i'm pissed off at myself for never being happy with my hair, i wish i could just leave it alone, leave it black, but i just get too bored. the worst part is that it actually looks a lot better dark.
but blonde is fun, keeps me entertained and i think it looks alright, it will look better once i've gotten rid of the few orange bits at the back of my hair.
i want to buy some silver toner to put through it as well, i want to eventually get it silvery white, it will make it nice and even if it does wash out my face (being blonde that is) it won't matter because my hair will be a beautiful amazing colour. but it's weird you know, like everyone says it doesn't suit me because i'm so pale, but people like sophie suit being blonde - even white, and their skin is a lot paler than mine.
i don't even care really, it looks alright and i'm happy, my opinion is the only one that matters right?
here's some photos.



on friday night i /poorly/ learned to play guitar. bitches love guitars.





^ a photo of me on saturday morning, juleyin and i went to brunch with my whole family, this was in the car after we were leaving.



haha, we're cute. before i went to a "battle of the bands" on saturday night.

 

i think that once i get the orange bits to fuck off out of my hair, when i tone it and treat it i am going to mix a little bit of blue into the mixture. just a little. i still have basically a full tub from my birthday at the start of the year, and it would be good to just have a tiny hint. just enough that it's noticeable but not so much that i actually have blue hair. i think it will turn out good. i hope so. i might do it in a week or so, i just have to wait a while before i can bleach away the orange parts.