i am honestly the worst at them. swear to god.
today made me realise that. i met this guy for the first time today.
i was like "hey, i'm daisy" and he was like "you're daisy wong. everyone knows you, how could you think i don't know you? i know everything about you."
i was half creeped out half flattered.
anyway, i realised throughout the day i talk about sex quite a bit, every five seconds i light up another smoke and i'm really big on public displays of affection. also, all the people i hang out with are dudes so i must seem like a blokey-slut.
does that make sense?
i also laugh at everything, making me seem stupid (i'm actually very intelligent but i'm just socially slow and awkward), and i tend to do silly things and constantly sound out of it.
not to mention the way i stare off all the time and my abnormally-squeaky voice which i'm sure must annoy the people who don't know me well.
long story short, i shouldn't meet new people.
and then when i meet new people when i'm drunk it's like all of that on steroids.
Tuesday, 5 July 2011
Monday, 4 July 2011
self-esteem, body image and sexual appetite.
as you're undoubtedly aware, i have some self-esteem issues. as does every woman these days. thing is, i never used to. then bam! i want to kill myself every time i look in the mirror.
though, remarkably, lately these have been resolving themselves.
over the past few months i've been feeling so shit and trying my absolute hardest to lose weight. as a result of my horrible self-esteem, i could never get into the mood because i could never feel sexy whilst naked so my libido virtually shrivelled up. i still had sex, but i never really enjoyed it.
then, last week or so, all these feelings i had just disappeared! now i eat whatever i want to and i don't feel bad, plus my sex drive is back and my relationship with my boyfriend is going a lot better as a result. i've gained 2 kilos since this has happened, which makes me sad, but i'm not too bothered. i just need to keep going to the gym and eating healthy when possible, and i'll become fit and not jiggly. that's enough for me to feel good about myself.
though, remarkably, lately these have been resolving themselves.
over the past few months i've been feeling so shit and trying my absolute hardest to lose weight. as a result of my horrible self-esteem, i could never get into the mood because i could never feel sexy whilst naked so my libido virtually shrivelled up. i still had sex, but i never really enjoyed it.
then, last week or so, all these feelings i had just disappeared! now i eat whatever i want to and i don't feel bad, plus my sex drive is back and my relationship with my boyfriend is going a lot better as a result. i've gained 2 kilos since this has happened, which makes me sad, but i'm not too bothered. i just need to keep going to the gym and eating healthy when possible, and i'll become fit and not jiggly. that's enough for me to feel good about myself.
brisbane and the holidays.
very happy and excited that the holidays are here!
the last week or so of school was very stressful, what with the assignment i had due ~ but i got it done and it's seriously the best feeling in the world. i basically have no work to do over the holidays and i couldn't be happier!
because of this, and the fact i only work thrusdays and sundays, i absolutely want to get away for a few days.
i had planned to go this week but of course i got my period, so i'd rather go next week. i have no idea where we'd stay though..
i think it'd just be juleyin and i, i asked him to see if we could stay at his cousin zane's house, but he's not sure if there's any room there. iunno, i'd just love to spend a night or two out of tweed. i really need it.
other priorities for the holidays are:
- my piercings.
ok i'm so pissed off on this topic. when school went back last term i came to mum with tonnes of good results and said i wanted a piercing because i clearly deserved it. my grandparents were trying to find a new house at the time and she said when everything has settled down. i later revisited the idea, and she said we'll wait till my half yearly exam results come back. then when they did, (and i got really good results) she said in the holidays.
i'm freaking sick and tired of it. i tried to bring it up last night and she ate me alive. i was devastated and got so upset.
i honestly don't understand my mother when it comes to me getting piercings. she let me get my septum and my tragus done about a year ago, but now she won't let me get any more when i just wanted some piercings in my belly, as opposed to the "bull ring" she let me get through my nose
i don't know. i don't think it makes sense.
i know a lot of people think i must be stupid, needing my mother's approval for piercings, but i like to respect her wishes when i can and she's really particular with things like this. but when i turn sixteen in february next year i'll be doing whatever i want as far as piercings and stretchers go, so merh.
i just don't want to wait till then to get piercings that aren't even that bad.
there's a "2 for $50" piercing special going on at the moment and i really want to get my reverse navel and my tongue done, but i don't see mum letting me. this makes me incredibly sad - i hate that i only have seven piercings now. i've taken a few out now...
- another thing i have to get done these holidays is my room. i plan on going through my plastic draws and my bookshelf, and throwing out all my old crap that i have. it's going to be hard, and it's going to take forever.
i want it to be next year, stat.
the last week or so of school was very stressful, what with the assignment i had due ~ but i got it done and it's seriously the best feeling in the world. i basically have no work to do over the holidays and i couldn't be happier!
because of this, and the fact i only work thrusdays and sundays, i absolutely want to get away for a few days.
i had planned to go this week but of course i got my period, so i'd rather go next week. i have no idea where we'd stay though..
i think it'd just be juleyin and i, i asked him to see if we could stay at his cousin zane's house, but he's not sure if there's any room there. iunno, i'd just love to spend a night or two out of tweed. i really need it.
other priorities for the holidays are:
- my piercings.
ok i'm so pissed off on this topic. when school went back last term i came to mum with tonnes of good results and said i wanted a piercing because i clearly deserved it. my grandparents were trying to find a new house at the time and she said when everything has settled down. i later revisited the idea, and she said we'll wait till my half yearly exam results come back. then when they did, (and i got really good results) she said in the holidays.
i'm freaking sick and tired of it. i tried to bring it up last night and she ate me alive. i was devastated and got so upset.
i honestly don't understand my mother when it comes to me getting piercings. she let me get my septum and my tragus done about a year ago, but now she won't let me get any more when i just wanted some piercings in my belly, as opposed to the "bull ring" she let me get through my nose
i don't know. i don't think it makes sense.
i know a lot of people think i must be stupid, needing my mother's approval for piercings, but i like to respect her wishes when i can and she's really particular with things like this. but when i turn sixteen in february next year i'll be doing whatever i want as far as piercings and stretchers go, so merh.
i just don't want to wait till then to get piercings that aren't even that bad.
there's a "2 for $50" piercing special going on at the moment and i really want to get my reverse navel and my tongue done, but i don't see mum letting me. this makes me incredibly sad - i hate that i only have seven piercings now. i've taken a few out now...
- another thing i have to get done these holidays is my room. i plan on going through my plastic draws and my bookshelf, and throwing out all my old crap that i have. it's going to be hard, and it's going to take forever.
i want it to be next year, stat.
Sunday, 3 July 2011
pretty much in pieces.
i understand that my mum is really stressed right now, but for fuck's sake could she not take my feelings into account for once?
all i did was ask her a simple question and she was all up at my throat telling me to "do whatever the fuck i want".
i'm over it, i'm over it!
i'm so sad, my mum literally means everything to me but it's always a one-way relationship. i give in to everything that she asks for as far as piercings, school, tutoring etc, and as soon as i say something back she goes ape shit and i never get more upset than what i do when my mother and i fight. it's terrible.
this is just a pointless post about how depressed i am, and how much tomorrow is going to suck.
juleyin is here as well but i'm too upset to even talk to him so he can't help much.
i'm going to go eat dinner and become a mute.
all i did was ask her a simple question and she was all up at my throat telling me to "do whatever the fuck i want".
i'm over it, i'm over it!
i'm so sad, my mum literally means everything to me but it's always a one-way relationship. i give in to everything that she asks for as far as piercings, school, tutoring etc, and as soon as i say something back she goes ape shit and i never get more upset than what i do when my mother and i fight. it's terrible.
this is just a pointless post about how depressed i am, and how much tomorrow is going to suck.
juleyin is here as well but i'm too upset to even talk to him so he can't help much.
i'm going to go eat dinner and become a mute.
gypsy - my beautiful baby girl
gypsy is my aunty, or my grandparent's puppy. but she's such a huge part of our family, and she's convinced she's a human being and she's convinced us as well.
i seriously love her more than anything.
anyway, nanna and poppy are moving tomorrow so gypsy's here tonight ^-^~~!!!
i am so happy, but she's really sad because she misses her mum and dad.
i'll just have to keep cuddling her.
i seriously love her more than anything.
anyway, nanna and poppy are moving tomorrow so gypsy's here tonight ^-^~~!!!
i am so happy, but she's really sad because she misses her mum and dad.
i'll just have to keep cuddling her.
friday and friday night.
was pretty freakin' good.
didn't do all that much, but i really like simplistic things. i like shopping in the day, drinks at night without too many dramas and then going home and sleeping in my own bed.
that's exactly what i did on friday and friday night.
ok so on friday i was meant to go to Pacific Fair with juleyin and some of our other friends. brodie couldn't come because he just got approved to move into a new house and had to sort out stuff to do with that, blake got called into work and we couldn't get a hold of ash so he didn't come.
i got dropped off at juleyin's around 11am and the car was gone and we had no idea when it would be back, so we had to catch a bus up. my hatred for public transport has increased even more. there was this white trash fuckwit couple who were screaming and swearing really loud, and they were trying to sell weed to everyone on the bus, including me and juleyin. they got off at Palm Beach, no surprise there. there was also some bogan ass lady whining on her phone crazy loud, having a sook about how she doesn't have a sook.
i can't wait until juleyin gets his car.
i also found this cute beret for $10, i don't really need another one but i thought it would be cute and i could wear it with some of my red-ish outfits etc. and for just if i don't feel like wearing a bandanna - seeing as i wear a different one every day.
speaking of which, i picked up two bandanna's, $5 each ^-^ i got a pink one and a green one.
i also bought a big tub of foam puppy stickers for $2. there's millions i swear, and they're all different colours. they're foam cut-outs of different types of puppies, bones, and big things that say "WOOF".
the only other thing i bought was this environmental arm-band. it was $2 and it had silhouettes of naked women on it. and it was promoting recycling. of course i bought it.
i am bursting with joy due to my new stickers. i also have all the others i bought the other day.
n____________________________________________n
i think that was all that i bought, i somehow ended up spending $70.
but i'm ok with that, i got plenty of nice stuff for myself and i am so happy as a result.
then after we came back from pac fair we went to juleyin's. it was raining so we got pretty wet, which sucked.
then andy picked me up and we drove out to billy's in cabarita. the car was full ~ black dylan was in the front and jazi, hannah and i were squished in the back. i'd never met hannah before but she was so cool, we became pretty good friends by the end of the night.
we finally got to billy's and for the first part of the night i was really depressed. i don't even know why. i had a few drinks but i was nowhere near drunk, and for the first hour or so that we were there i was just sitting on the couch, smoking or writing in my journal, lamely enough.
then andy kept making me drinks because he felt really bad that i was so upset, and he knows when i drink i just dance around haha. so then i got pretty drunk and i was dancing and it was all really lovely.
then hannah got really sick, and i had been sticking with her all night. she was really smashed and i kept her with me at all times so she didn't get with someone gross or do something stupid.
but yeah, i found her in the bathroom and she said she thought she was going to be sick. i got her over to the toilet and she threw up. she's such a good girl, she threw up tonnes and only missed the toilet once. but she even cleaned it up herself, i told her i'd do it for her.
then i called her mum and got her to come get her. then a few other people came around.
after about 10 o'clock juleyin arrived and said hi to everyone, then he took me and dylan home and juleyin stayed over at mine.
i was well sober by then so that was good, i got to brush my teeth and take my makeup off and get into my pajamas, instead of just passing out in my bed. juleyin also slept in my room, which is a rare thing for mum to let us do :)
didn't do all that much, but i really like simplistic things. i like shopping in the day, drinks at night without too many dramas and then going home and sleeping in my own bed.
that's exactly what i did on friday and friday night.
ok so on friday i was meant to go to Pacific Fair with juleyin and some of our other friends. brodie couldn't come because he just got approved to move into a new house and had to sort out stuff to do with that, blake got called into work and we couldn't get a hold of ash so he didn't come.
i got dropped off at juleyin's around 11am and the car was gone and we had no idea when it would be back, so we had to catch a bus up. my hatred for public transport has increased even more. there was this white trash fuckwit couple who were screaming and swearing really loud, and they were trying to sell weed to everyone on the bus, including me and juleyin. they got off at Palm Beach, no surprise there. there was also some bogan ass lady whining on her phone crazy loud, having a sook about how she doesn't have a sook.
i can't wait until juleyin gets his car.
so we got to pac fair, and for the first part i didn't know what to buy. i looked everywhere for nice things but i didn't find much. for lunch i got a kebab, and then later i bought a "storm" ice cream from Hungry Jacks and a lemonade.
towards the end of the day i found some really lovely things, which made me so incredibly happy!
all day i had been searching for a pair of really nice high-waisted shorts. i didn't want to, but i was prepared to pay quite a bit for a nice pair. but even the most expensive ones i didn't even like.
but then at the end of the day i found the prettiest pair for $20! n_______n
i also found this cute beret for $10, i don't really need another one but i thought it would be cute and i could wear it with some of my red-ish outfits etc. and for just if i don't feel like wearing a bandanna - seeing as i wear a different one every day.
speaking of which, i picked up two bandanna's, $5 each ^-^ i got a pink one and a green one.
then i went on a sticker-frenzy. OH. MY GOD.
stickers are the best thing in my life i swear to god, i love them more than life and they are making my journal so pretty. i'm putting stickers on like every page/entry now, just to make it prettier. i'm pretty devastated that i left my drama book at school over the holidays because i need to do that book up as well, and i need to write down reflections etc. OH WELL. my drama teacher can bite me, i hate her.
the stickers that i bought were: a sheet of tiny ant stickers ~ which i thought was adorable, a sheet of cutesy cartoon glitter birds, a sheet of glittery unicorns, a sheet of glittery hippos that say "hip hip hooray!", a sheet of the cutest moo cows ever, a sheet of hard, plastic glittery flowers and a sheet of normal flower stickers just like the hard plastic ones.
i also bought a big tub of foam puppy stickers for $2. there's millions i swear, and they're all different colours. they're foam cut-outs of different types of puppies, bones, and big things that say "WOOF".
the only other thing i bought was this environmental arm-band. it was $2 and it had silhouettes of naked women on it. and it was promoting recycling. of course i bought it.
i am bursting with joy due to my new stickers. i also have all the others i bought the other day.
n____________________________________________n
i think that was all that i bought, i somehow ended up spending $70.
but i'm ok with that, i got plenty of nice stuff for myself and i am so happy as a result.
then after we came back from pac fair we went to juleyin's. it was raining so we got pretty wet, which sucked.
then andy picked me up and we drove out to billy's in cabarita. the car was full ~ black dylan was in the front and jazi, hannah and i were squished in the back. i'd never met hannah before but she was so cool, we became pretty good friends by the end of the night.
we finally got to billy's and for the first part of the night i was really depressed. i don't even know why. i had a few drinks but i was nowhere near drunk, and for the first hour or so that we were there i was just sitting on the couch, smoking or writing in my journal, lamely enough.
then andy kept making me drinks because he felt really bad that i was so upset, and he knows when i drink i just dance around haha. so then i got pretty drunk and i was dancing and it was all really lovely.
then hannah got really sick, and i had been sticking with her all night. she was really smashed and i kept her with me at all times so she didn't get with someone gross or do something stupid.
but yeah, i found her in the bathroom and she said she thought she was going to be sick. i got her over to the toilet and she threw up. she's such a good girl, she threw up tonnes and only missed the toilet once. but she even cleaned it up herself, i told her i'd do it for her.
then i called her mum and got her to come get her. then a few other people came around.
after about 10 o'clock juleyin arrived and said hi to everyone, then he took me and dylan home and juleyin stayed over at mine.
i was well sober by then so that was good, i got to brush my teeth and take my makeup off and get into my pajamas, instead of just passing out in my bed. juleyin also slept in my room, which is a rare thing for mum to let us do :)
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