repeat of 8 years ago.

can't believe my poor mummy had to go through all this again.
ok so wednesday was my brothers 19th birthday. we had a lovely night, ate some chinese food and some cake and went to bed.

the next morning i wake up at 6am to my brother scared out of his mind saying something's wrong with mum. she was lying in bed, unable to move with pains in her arm and a burning sensation from her chest to her throat.

now eight years ago, (i would have been 6-7 y/o) my brother, father and myself were at a Jehovah's Witness meeting. this was back when we really practiced our religion by the book. during end prayer we received a call from my very distressed mother. i can't really remember what happened except that i was terrified and couldn't stop crying. she then went on to have another two heart attacks over the next day or so, leaving a total of three at this time.

on thursday morning a very similar thing happened. we called the ambulance, and they took her away. i couldn't stop crying and i don't think i've ever been more scared. she was at the tweed hospital for the rest of the day thursday and then thursday night they sent her up to the gold coast hospital for further testing and an operation.
they threaded a tube through her groin all the way to her heart along her artery, injected a dye and took a closer look at her heart. they were going to put another stint in (an operation she had 8 years ago to open up the arteries) but thankfully they didn't need to, the old one was still working. all in all they concluded it was a minor heart attack along with a whole lot of other medical jargon.

we all went up to see her today in southport and to our surprise we were allowed to take her home with us!

my poor, beautiful mum, she was poked and prodded so much and it hurts me so much to see her in pain.

i'm glad she's home, i don't even want to imagine life without her.

vvv the view from mum's room!

can't sleep, depressed.

can't even blog about it, so sad and angry.

a toast to the past

today i hung out with my ex fiance, who obviously used to be a huge part of my life. it was really lovely even if it did feel a little strange. our relationship was way too complicated and strange that it's not worth me explaining it, (and really, i don't really want to) so - simply put, i would have died for him. when i'm on the home computer next i'll upload a photo so you can see how we were together and how different/young i looked. when we started dating i was 12, how crazy is that!

ANYWAY. today was my brother's birthday. i didn't want him to be at home alone and it's sport day so all the periods are stupid and short and pointless. plus i REALLY needed a good sleep, sif it ever happens with my lifestyle. so i got up at six, gave adam my present and went back to bed. next thing i know i'm waking up and it's 11:30am. that makes me so happy. i had planned on going to the gym today but decided not too. i'd be really scared and embarrassed going in by myself and ayla said she'd go in with me on friday after school. i'm so excited! i'll no doubt blog about it friday night afterwards.
i ate so much chinese and birthday cake tonight that my stomach is gargantuan. i actually think i'm the grossest, fattest person alive.

so after my giant sleep i got up, had some cereal and took my morning pills. i had been texting shaun cos i wanted to hang but then he didn't reply for ages -_- stupid cunt. (lol i'm totally kidding)
after ages we finally figured out what we were doing, and as soon as i left the house it started pissing down rain. i met up with the lovely lewis and we walked down to near where shaun lives. i had chronic fucking nostalgia because when we started dating i was too young and couldn't see him. so every night i'd sneak out and walk to his house that same way. i hadn't walked down there since we were together, and we broke up well over a year ago, so that's quite a while. we smoked by the river, talked about the issues between both our relationships and it was really funny to think how we've matured enough to be friends after all this time. we used to hate each other. we also saw a giant pufferfish washed up on the beach. it was alive, but barely. i started crying so lewis took his shoes off, grabbed a stick and put it back in the river. eventually he started swimming, i hope he was ok :(
then after a while i walked home. it was a pretty worthwhile day.

below is a photo of the giant pufferfish and what i looked like today.

GYM UPDATE OMG

mummy went in and signed me up, i now have my key ring with the membership card and i am going tomorrow instead of sport at school! I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!

vvvvv a photo of my membership card, my key chain from paris and my little heart that says 'daisy' ^-^

boat party - ash's 18th

this friday just gone was ash's 18th birthday party. we had it on a boat and sailed all around the tweed river etc. it was freezing and you couldn't drink if you were under 18 because it was a licensed venue and bar, but it was still a lot of fun.
we had pre drinks at ash's house beforehand and i only had like, two or three beers. that is a giant accomplishment for me. i always seem to be sick nowadays, and my doctor says it's because i have a bad lifestyle. it actually makes a whole lot of sense, i drink a lot, smoke a lot of weed + cigarettes, i don't sleep enough (and i might have sleep apnea), and i never exercise. plus i eat horrible food.

so i'm starting to change that. friday was the first party i've been to in two years that i haven't gone completely drunk or stoned off my head. got some good photos, but i look blazed and demonic in most of them.
i also look really fat which makes me really depressed, but i'll most likely blog about that later.

gym update

so i called the gym today. i was really embarrassed and must have sounded so dumb on the phone, i was like 'um, can i like, join pl0x?'
but anyway. they have another special on at the moment that will save me $5 a fortnight. which is a bit when you think about it. thing is, it ends tomorrow. so while i'm at school tomorrow mummy is going to go down there and sign for me (cos i need a parent signature and i have tutoring after school anyway).

i'm so excited!! my two first cousins also recently joined and ayla, who is in my grade and also the most important person in the world to me, wants to go with me all the time.
there's also a women's only section, and a whole lot of fun exercise classes i can take. i am going to be the skinniest, happiest person soon enough.

i hope i can go wednesday afternoon instead of fucking tweed valley sport.

new photos

took some recent photos, finally. felt really pretty today.