back on track

i have been meaning to post lately, (i have a few new things to show you guys), but unfortunately lately i have been feeling too insecure with my weight and appearance to be able to take photos, and hence, upload them.

this post is about my health/weight loss and my skincare.
honestly, i am loving the winter weather. i have very sensitive skin and the cooler weather has begun to dry my skin out, this is why i have started moisturising (with either my mango body butter from the body shop or a watermelon infused body lotion from fiji) every day/night after i shower. my skin is feeling wonderful, and i have actually received compliments on my skin since i have started doing this. it's a wonderful confidence boost.
my skin (on my face) has also been going very well. i have been moisturising like crazy on my face also due to the weather, and i have not had a single spot in weeks. for once i am very specific and careful to take my makeup off and clean my piercings before bed, no matter where i am. every night i use a special eye-makeup remover (for my sensitive eyes), then a neutrogena face scrub - and wipe off/gently massage with a warm face washer. i then use rose-hip oil (2-3 drops on a wet palm and rub together) all over my face and neck, followed by an organic rose hip moisturiser. i also use a hydrating face mask every 1-2 weeks.




webcam quality, (obviously no make up).
looking rather sullen & ill, but i think my skin looks fabulous.




image #1 - progress photo of my thighs, image #2 - cigarettes and mother energy drink (what i seem to be living off lately), image #3 - writing in bed cuddling my puppy, she makes everything better.

eating and exercising (over the past week or so) has been pretty topsy turvy. one day i am doing wonderful and the next i binge. i have done extremely well the past three days and i am high as a kite, must remember this feeling to keep me focussed.
i don't have much to say as far as my weight issues go because i am far too insecure about it. but anyway, there is a photo.

holyyyyyy fucking shit

just found this tumblr post i did when i was in hospital at the start of the year. this shit's crazy man.
i don't use tumblr anymore and haven't for months so this was like on one of the first pages.

"So here I am, in the hospital I was born in.

It’s really quite bizarre, I’ve never been in hospital except for the time I dislocated and broke my wrist.
So basically, I have a haggard bout of pneumonia, a chest infection and an ear infection. I was admitted yesterday afternoon, with no warning. I was at the doctors and they sent me straight here! Had to go buy pajamas from target across the street. Last night was pretty rough. I got a really bad temperature, and had to be put on the nebulizer twice because I couldn’t breathe. Juleyin surprised me and came to see me when he heard though, which was amazing. I honestly love that boy to death. He was here again tonight, came up with my mother and brother. The nurse was checking my heart rate and asked him if he could help me get it a little higher ;) Haha! We had maddddd cuddles in my hospital bed and played with all the toys because I’m in the children’s ward. OH, forgot to mention - I’m the only one in the entire ward! Apparently kids don’t get sick anymore. So I’m left to play with all the toys on my own. So fucking keen. The etch n sketch is my favourite so far. Drew Juleyin tonight c;
But medically, I’m still, well, shit. I’ve had like fucking four litres of saline in my IV which makes me need to pee 24/7, plus tonnes of antibiotics - both orally and through my IV. And I have an oxygen tube on because I can’t breathe. My right lung is shot all to hell, and it doesn’t take a doctor to know why. This whole experience has made me think about my lifestyle and the choices I make.

What have I done to myself?"

got me thinking.

i haven't made any changes. lol.
i quit smoking for a week or two after i got out of hospital cause it could like, potentially kill me if i did lol, but then i started up again.

i might quit again soon if i can.
but i'm lazy and a stressed person, i probably won't.

a toast to the past

today i hung out with my ex fiance, who obviously used to be a huge part of my life. it was really lovely even if it did feel a little strange. our relationship was way too complicated and strange that it's not worth me explaining it, (and really, i don't really want to) so - simply put, i would have died for him. when i'm on the home computer next i'll upload a photo so you can see how we were together and how different/young i looked. when we started dating i was 12, how crazy is that!

ANYWAY. today was my brother's birthday. i didn't want him to be at home alone and it's sport day so all the periods are stupid and short and pointless. plus i REALLY needed a good sleep, sif it ever happens with my lifestyle. so i got up at six, gave adam my present and went back to bed. next thing i know i'm waking up and it's 11:30am. that makes me so happy. i had planned on going to the gym today but decided not too. i'd be really scared and embarrassed going in by myself and ayla said she'd go in with me on friday after school. i'm so excited! i'll no doubt blog about it friday night afterwards.
i ate so much chinese and birthday cake tonight that my stomach is gargantuan. i actually think i'm the grossest, fattest person alive.

so after my giant sleep i got up, had some cereal and took my morning pills. i had been texting shaun cos i wanted to hang but then he didn't reply for ages -_- stupid cunt. (lol i'm totally kidding)
after ages we finally figured out what we were doing, and as soon as i left the house it started pissing down rain. i met up with the lovely lewis and we walked down to near where shaun lives. i had chronic fucking nostalgia because when we started dating i was too young and couldn't see him. so every night i'd sneak out and walk to his house that same way. i hadn't walked down there since we were together, and we broke up well over a year ago, so that's quite a while. we smoked by the river, talked about the issues between both our relationships and it was really funny to think how we've matured enough to be friends after all this time. we used to hate each other. we also saw a giant pufferfish washed up on the beach. it was alive, but barely. i started crying so lewis took his shoes off, grabbed a stick and put it back in the river. eventually he started swimming, i hope he was ok :(
then after a while i walked home. it was a pretty worthwhile day.

below is a photo of the giant pufferfish and what i looked like today.