nothing and everything

i realise i haven't been blogging very often as of late - mostly because i thought i had nothing to blog about.
but then there's so much that goes on in just my every day life that i don't write down, because i think it isn't relevant.
just then i realised - i don't even give a fuck.
this blog is for me and me alone, i just like when others read it. it's just my way of documenting things, letting things out and sharing with the world my interests and thoughts.

today is saturday. this morning i bleached my hair, cleaned my room really well and then met up with stormey at tweed city because she finished work at 2:30.
i actually love storme to death. all of my good friends are males and she is the only female i can actually stand, and the only one i truly enjoy hanging out with. maybe not the only one, but she is friends with my friends and enjoys doing the things i do, and she is just really cool. we both have never been to sport on thursday afternoons for school, and most of the time we just get a bus or a lift into coolangatta and storme gets new piercings. i want more piercings, so bad. but mum wouldn't let me, i haven't asked but things with us are so shit lately, she treats me like an imbecile and is hesitant of letting me go out for some reason. so i don't want to start shit when i don't have to.
i am enjoying this weekend because i have been sober and at home for the majority of it, but at the same time i hate it.
i need more motivation to do things. at least i bleached my hair today, and i only cleaned my room because mum said i had to before i went out. this week i want to go to the gym, take photos, wax my eyebrows, give myself a manicure/pedicure and stretch my right ear. i could have done all of that last night and today but i have no motivation, when i am at home i never do anything. i also think i am an alcoholic, i swear to god. i am craving a drink so badly.
i wish i could drink at home, and smoke, but i'm also glad i can't - otherwise i would probably be drunk every day.

which brings me to another topic - drugs.
i have only ever done weed and speed, and i used to be stoned alllll the time. there are huge gaps in my memory from last year because of it. i remember one holidays i was stoned every single day and after two weeks my boyfriend and i could not remember a thing.
anyway, my point is that i hate smoking weed now.
i got high at school the other week, i don't even know why i was having a cigarette and someone passed me a joint. the whole time i was just wishing i was sober, i spent most of the next period outside the classroom sleeping. i felt horrible and tired and ugh, how did i used to function while high?
i only like the thought of smoking weed, not the act itself. or if i'm about to go to sleep that's wonderful to just chill out - but i can't stand being stoned in public.

i'm not sure what the point of this post was, i just wanted an update on my life, my everything.