style evaluation

conclusion - i have none.

please allow me to change everything.
lately all i have been wearing is leggings, t-shirts and jackets. with either vans or boots.

this post isn't to rant about what i wear but i'm seriously so upset that i have no specific style any more. my mother constantly tells me i have my own unique style, but doesn't everyone? mine is just a combination of everything i find appealing, and most of the time it really doesn't go together.

i'm feeling lost, with everything. the way i look is a huge part of that, it always has been.
break up with your boyfriend, shave your hair. become emotionally deranged, become a weed smoking hippy.
i don't know why i'm even feeling like this, i'm not that upset or anything but i'm just.. lost. that's the only way i can describe it. i'm not feeling like myself and i'm feeling without purpose. my purpose used to be "helping people smile" or some bullshit, my old psychologist/rape therapist wrote this on a piece of paper after i told her this a few years ago, and it's stuck up in my wardrobe. it's complete and utter nonsense now, but i couldn't just throw it away.



i'd write what it says but i'm afraid i'm not quite comfortable with doing that.

where was i going with this?
i am always happier when i've been shopping, i always feel happy when i'm shopping, or when i've dramatically done something different with my hair, or with my room. i'm actually quite superficial. unfortunately my allergies have now prevented me from wearing any eye makeup at all, maybe that's contributing to the way i feel. i feel so fucking ugly without eye makeup on, i feel bare and boring and disgusting. and a lack of money has been why i haven't been really shopping too much. more than anything i fucking want a pair of doc martens, they'd go beautifully with my leggings that i've been wearing everywhere lately and i think they would look a little nicer than my leather boots i've been wearing lately. they look good, and i still love my boots, but they're not very edgy. edge is what i'm looking for, i want to feel and look different again.







today i am wearing my "om" necklace, my velvet shirt, leggings and my boots. feeling ok with what i'm wearing but ugh. my legs still look fat in these photos but trust me, they're fatter in real life.

this weekend (saturday) i am going to the valley and the city with stormey. i want to go to the markets and just get away from tweed. i hope i don't spend too much money, the next thing i'm buying (once i have the money) is a pair of doc martens.

please, let me save money. for my docs and for my camera.

 

 

and you don't have to say it, trust me, i know how pathetic i sound.

first day of spring

three months of spring or six months of summer?
i am keen for either.

ugh, today has been shit but also wonderful.
the sun was shining and it was lovely and warm outside, i slept in till about 9 o'clock, i bought lots of lovely things and got a good lovin' from my boyfee.

last night juleyin and i went out to our favourite restaurant - the one we went to on our one year anniversary. it's in surfer's paradise and overlooks the main street and it is the best food i have ever tasted. it is italian and the pasta is made fresh every day, you wouldn't think it would make that much difference but if i could eat that pasta every day i would. and i'm not even a huge fan of pasta. it is also very open dress, like you can wear casual clothes or fancy-ish clothes and not be stared at like a retard. i always go to non-fancy restaurants and i'll be wearing a dress and heels and i'll feel so ridiculous. last night i wore a floral short-ish dress and beautiful $200 flats that give me mad blisters. by the end of the night i had taken them off. anyway - where the fuck was i going with this?

lol so we went out to dinner, then drove home and had some drinks. we were drinking my bourbon and coke, and juleyin really doesn't like bourbon but drank it anyway, i was like ugh if you don't like it don't drink it. i was pretty happy to be drunk, i really need to stop obsessively drinking i am becoming an alcoholic. even now i am dying for a drink but then i would have drank every night this past week. this saddens me, like i don't really care but juleyin does and he makes me feel so bad about it. he does have a point though, i'm fifteen. i can't believe that on random nights or during the day i'll be like "i feel like a drink" or "i need a drink". i'm too young for this shit.
vvv a photo of me at juleyin's after dinner blowing smoke rings. wish the photo turned out better.

so we slept in this morning, and got up around 9 o'clock. by the time we got to school it was after recess, i only went to two classes today - one of which i had a math exam and the other i was doing nothing. why did i even go to school? then it was time to leave again because it is sports day and i refuse to both stay at school nor partake in physical activity. it's getting really hard to leave the school now, i wish it was like it used to be when no one cared. juleyin and i went to the shops because he needed to talk to optus about his plan, and i bought a beautiful floral handbag that was on sale, i got it for $30. image featured below.

bad photo but it's so beautiful, i love it.

then we went to juleyin's and hung around there till i had to go to work. while at work i had several shitty customers, i was about to pass out the entire time and my boss kept coming in so i had to work. my allergies are also playing up. but while on my break i bought this amazing sketching book, it was $17 but well worth it - it's awesome and shows you how to draw animals, faces (and parts of faces etc), cars, dancers, flowers etc. i am so happy with it.

oh!! and also today the white stockings i ordered arrived. they are so pretty and actually quite strong so i doubt they will ladder too easily. i hope. if not they're only $10 c:
below is a photo of me wearing them, i feel like a ballerina.