i am losing patience

i am losing focus, i am losing reason to be here.
i don't want to do this anymore, i don't want to feel this way.

i'm barely even alive anymore.

work is fucking horrible, every time i find someone who i feel appreciates my company i get spat on the face, and the last thing i ever want to do is be sober. someone take me away, someone give me something new, something exciting, something to make me feel like my time here is worthwhile.
i feel like if i get away, even for a few days, that things will somehow be better when i return. but that happens every time, and everything stays the same.

school is no longer important to me~~

legit.

i have decided to become a pot head and stop trying.
not really but maybe then i won't be so motherfucking stressed every second of every day.
i've had so many exams, and assignments, and everything in between over the past few weeks.
i'm such a mess every day and i can't take it. it's all school and home issues.
we also got our subject selection sheets etc yesterday, i told my mum what i wanted to do and she raged at me saying they were shit subjects and i won't make it to uni. i couldn't stop crying.

i want to do:
- drama
- advanced english
- modern history
- software design and development
- textiles + design
- biology

i am very happy with these but upset that i won't get any free periods.
there's so many other classes that i want to do but they don't count towards an ATAR so there's really no point in me doing them.

can next year just come now?